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What Was She Thinking?!

Someone hold my drink while I climb down off my soapbox.

Posts tagged with "humor"

The President's Daily Briefing

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday."

"Oh, no!!!" the President exclaims. "Why, that's the most horrific thing since September 11!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, crying, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "Lord, how many is a brazillion, anyway?"

What's Amore?

These are real groaners, but I do like the play on words.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand and that's not what you planned
That's a moray.

When our habits are strange and our customs deranged
That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw and the bales total four
That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife she gets stabbed with a knife
That's a Moor, eh?

Pass the Pocket Protector, Erkel!

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Shamelessly stolen from David. Simply put, I'm an unsatisfying mix of all three (Geek, Nerd and Dork), the least desirable of which is the Dork, and I have that in spades apparently. Now, he possesses a more desirable proportion of Geek and Nerd traits. And not too dorky, which is a good thing. But me? Oy! Maybe I'll go stab myself in the eye with my mechanical pencil. If I can remember where I left my pocket protector. . . .

Modern, Cool Nerd

73 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 47% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

My test tracked three variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 78% on nerdiness
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You scored higher than 85% on geekosity
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You scored higher than 81% on dork points

The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos

The Best Wife

From my e-mail inbox:

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first woman does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon and gets her hair and makeup done, buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

breasts

Those Kinky Danes

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What will they think of next?
www.pherotones.com (and unlike Rori, I'm going to defy silliness and give them plenty of linky love!).

Experience the ringtone secret I discovered in Denmark
that can make you irresistible!


Okay. Now I'm curious. How did the good doctor discover this secret? Where in Denmark? What was she doing there in the first place? Did she accidentally sit on her cell phone? Did she drop it in her wine glass? She doesn't reveal her secret in her blog, unfortunately, but she does hint about a mysterious man called Ekstrom. Indeed.

Intimacy expert Dr. Myra Vanderhood will soon be
partnering {{snort}} with a service provider to make Pherotones widely available to the public. But before this can happen, Pherotone researchers need your help. Join us in unlocking the mysteries of Pherotones by sharing one of our sample Pherotones with your circle of friends.


(Emphasis added.) I swear, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried! Well, what are you waiting for, go get your fresh hot ringtones. . . . And then call me in the morning!

Before and After Marriage

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I was cleaning out my e-mail inbox and found these. I made them links to images residing elsewhere, as the first one is not technically work-safe. Just looking out for your best interests!

Before Marriage [Not Work-Safe]

After Marriage

'Nuf said.

And Justice for All...

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Best quote I've heard in awhile:

The internet is a time sink. And I stand before it daily, pouring time down the drain like it was bathtub gin and Eliot Ness was pounding at the door.


And read the rest of Justice William Bedsworth's monthly column, A Criminal Waste of Space, here.