"I'm one step from a breakdown... Two steps from being safe..."*
Monday, 3. November 2008, 19:49:26
But sometimes even half a step seems too much.
I am in my low today. I managed to smile through the pain at work, but now I am just simply tired.
I know I am moaning a lot about the pain on this blog and I wish I didn't, but I can't help it - writing helps the hell with it.
I began thinking that maybe I would even be more happy just having cancer and dying - but knowing what is wrong. Knowing what to expect from next 6-12 months. So tired...
I stopped painkillers at all, I stopped the ones for migraines as well. Is makes me more tired, but I can at least sleep at night.
I started imagining whether it would hurt less to kill myself when I am in much pain... but I guess it doesn't hurt that much yet... And I read about these thoughts - apparently every healthy human being is having disturbing thoughts, but they just won't admit to them, so I am not worried about my psyche... yet...
"Pardon me while I
Just turn my back
And walk away
Pardon me if I
Can't listen
To the things
You say
Pardon me if I
Can't fake it
While you still believe
Pardon me"*
*"Pardon me" (Staind)
I am in my low today. I managed to smile through the pain at work, but now I am just simply tired.
I know I am moaning a lot about the pain on this blog and I wish I didn't, but I can't help it - writing helps the hell with it.
I began thinking that maybe I would even be more happy just having cancer and dying - but knowing what is wrong. Knowing what to expect from next 6-12 months. So tired...
I stopped painkillers at all, I stopped the ones for migraines as well. Is makes me more tired, but I can at least sleep at night.
I started imagining whether it would hurt less to kill myself when I am in much pain... but I guess it doesn't hurt that much yet... And I read about these thoughts - apparently every healthy human being is having disturbing thoughts, but they just won't admit to them, so I am not worried about my psyche... yet...
"Pardon me while I
Just turn my back
And walk away
Pardon me if I
Can't listen
To the things
You say
Pardon me if I
Can't fake it
While you still believe
Pardon me"*
*"Pardon me" (Staind)
(17%)
WIDGETIZE
SaYvLu # 4. November 2008, 18:25
julka # 4. November 2008, 18:57
It was one of those days when I feel everything is far too much.
Nikio # 5. November 2008, 18:58
julka # 5. November 2008, 19:09
I have got other - internal health problems - quite painful and disturbing the rythm of my life...
Unasia # 5. November 2008, 20:56
Hermitess # 10. November 2008, 16:56