Earlier...
Thursday, 22. January 2009, 14:52:22
I came home earlier today. From work.
I didn't feel well, I got angry at a situation at work and having 2.5 hours in lieu I decided to go home.
So here I am - in front of my computer. Cut out of reality, cutt off my family and my roots, cut of the life. Still just fooling around. I know there is a decision to make, but i keep telling myself, that there are so many things that need to be done first.
I need to get better - health wise - and find out if I got cancer first (which most of the people just laugh at, as they don't believe I am genuinly not well - I look far to good, to be THAT bad).
I need to decide who I want to be "when I grow up" - which is NOW!
I need to... I don't even remember what else...
I need to make people tread me seriously. But they won't to a "tiny pixie" - whih is fine, but not on all ocassions.. I am always z 13 year old child in everyone else's eyes, like I am too stupid, or fragile to stand like an adult.
I can see it at home, I can see it at work, I can see it in my mother's eyes.
I am stuk in this shell of a funny person and there's no place for change...
I didn't feel well, I got angry at a situation at work and having 2.5 hours in lieu I decided to go home.
So here I am - in front of my computer. Cut out of reality, cutt off my family and my roots, cut of the life. Still just fooling around. I know there is a decision to make, but i keep telling myself, that there are so many things that need to be done first.
I need to get better - health wise - and find out if I got cancer first (which most of the people just laugh at, as they don't believe I am genuinly not well - I look far to good, to be THAT bad).
I need to decide who I want to be "when I grow up" - which is NOW!
I need to... I don't even remember what else...
I need to make people tread me seriously. But they won't to a "tiny pixie" - whih is fine, but not on all ocassions.. I am always z 13 year old child in everyone else's eyes, like I am too stupid, or fragile to stand like an adult.
I can see it at home, I can see it at work, I can see it in my mother's eyes.
I am stuk in this shell of a funny person and there's no place for change...
(17%)
WIDGETIZE
Hermitess # 22. January 2009, 16:38
You have a lot on your mind, but you are doing right at being diligent in protecting your health.
I don't think my mom sees me as an adult either, even though I'm 33 & married for 12 years! sometimes I think she is in denial about my health, but I know she doesn't want to see her baby girl sick.
Here's to better days!
melnichuck # 22. January 2009, 21:47
And it's typical to think that you're not on a right way sometimes :) It's ok. Everyone who thinks about himself and wants to advance and grow has that feeling. It comes to me when I can't do something that I want or need to do. And I have that feeling almost every time I have a lot of trying and failing during the day :p
It'll be better tomorrow morning! You'll se :) So keep your nose up and smile... At least slightly, ok? ;)
Hermitess # 22. January 2009, 22:17