This song by Perfect Circle is something I keep listening recently. I thought I may as well share it with all of you that some across my blog and my online friends.
I keep getting worse recently, I think I am a bit down due to the hormones and I am just fed up with everything and I can't be bothered to be honest. Yesterday I came back home from work and got to bed. I fell asleep straight away, woke up after two hours and felt like shit... I am feverish - I think I am catching an infection, and this is not helping at all. And as an addition to that - we are very busy at work with this big take over project and I think it will require my presence at work every day of the week until it's finished. And that is... 31 March...
I am tired, and I still have got chores to attend to and then my book that I was supposed to be reading along with Hermitess... But when will I do it? I need a time stretcher... Just as Mr Ian said today at work:
"these reports will be allright, if we make servers working 36 hours a day..." - I need a time stretcher to make a day 36 hours long. Anybody's got one spare, they can lend me?
I came home earlier today. From work. I didn't feel well, I got angry at a situation at work and having 2.5 hours in lieu I decided to go home.
So here I am - in front of my computer. Cut out of reality, cutt off my family and my roots, cut of the life. Still just fooling around. I know there is a decision to make, but i keep telling myself, that there are so many things that need to be done first. I need to get better - health wise - and find out if I got cancer first (which most of the people just laugh at, as they don't believe I am genuinly not well - I look far to good, to be THAT bad). I need to decide who I want to be "when I grow up" - which is NOW! I need to... I don't even remember what else...
I need to make people tread me seriously. But they won't to a "tiny pixie" - whih is fine, but not on all ocassions.. I am always z 13 year old child in everyone else's eyes, like I am too stupid, or fragile to stand like an adult. I can see it at home, I can see it at work, I can see it in my mother's eyes.
I am stuk in this shell of a funny person and there's no place for change...
Somehow, although we are past December, day seem to get longer. It's dark throughout the day, and we get only few hours of sunshine. I am very happy I managed to drag Jacek out for a walk. It was so refreshing. I keep forgetting that there is something outside the four walls of work and home. It seems so "natural" for me these days that I don't go outside (I am not counting the trips to work and the supermarket). It seems like I lost my connection to the world. And the longer I stay in, the less I feel like taking a walk.
I got tired after this only half an hour walk we took and I am ready to go to bed now (it's only 18.11 here!). And tomorrow - back to work and fight with all these things that never do what they are supposed to...
Every month end we have to do some "regression" testing at work. This basically mens Julka is sitting behind the desk, with nose touching the monitor and is trying to establish (I love this word ) whether what's on the system matches what's going to happen. Nothing interesting, only IF statements. But the colours... Bloody hell - the screen for the application Julka is using knows only two coours for functions: pink for everything that runs without a condition and green for everything that is contained within the IF statement.
Now Julka can see only pink and green, and green and pink... I am planning to write a song about it
Besides that - although we were told recssion is not scary for the company we work for - 20-30 people may be radundant in January... This is almost 5% of people who work there.
Once in a while I am greatful I work in IT, not customer contact related department...
) whether what's on the system matches what's going to happen. Nothing interesting, only IF statements.
(17%)
WIDGETIZE