L's Rant

Yesterday, May 18, 2011, at 8:15am, our family lost one of our beloved 4-legged members, Angellus. He had diabetes and on Sunday, he and his companion Chloe, refused to eat their food. We had gone out to a movie and upon returning, expected the cats to be waiting by the door with recriminating looks for keeping them waiting for dinner (we were an hour late). But this wasn't the case...and to our surprise, when food was put out, neither would eat. The next day, the same thing...no eating, and Angellus began to projectile vomit...we rushed him and the bag of food (which had just been opened Sunday morning) to the vet. He was given shots to settle his stomach and stop the vomiting and we went home with a new bag of food. Now, two meals were missed, and he wasn't to get an insulin shot unless he ate...well that night, expecting both cats to be ravenous, we opened the new bag of food..and nothing..our little girl, chloe, nibbled, but was very tentative, I think remembering the yucky stuff...and Angellus just turned his back..so now, another insulin shot missed.

I awoke around 5am to find Angellus near death next to our toiletbowl (we have a leak and keep a small bucket there)...My heart stopped, thinking he was dead, but became relieved when I felt HIS heart still beating...I picked up his limp form..his poor little paw was soaking wet. He like to put his paw in water first to make sure it was really there, i guess..I used to think he needed glasses...anyway, I dried off his paw and held him in my arms, and he stirred a little. The vet had said once that if I find him comatose, which he certainly appeared to be, to rub a little Karo syrup on his gums. My husband, who had been awakened by my appealing to Angellus to look at me, went to the 24hr supermarket and got a bottle of Karo syrup (I know, I should have had it on hand, but always forgot to get)...in the meantime, Angellus had an incredible thirst...It was heartbreaking to see him struggling to stand and just barely making it to his water bowl, where he would drink, and drink and drink...until finally I pulled him away...I was so worried about his kidneys..he hadn't urinated, but was drinking so much...Finally, when I thought the vet's office would be open, we rushed him in. I later discovered they opened an hour earlier, so my heart aches wondering if the hour would have made a difference..the vet says no, but I wonder...

They quickly rushed him in and went to work on him..we stayed all morning at the vet's, until they finally told us to go home, but come back by 5pm to transport him to the Emergency Clinic, which provides care through the night. The vet there was a little more hopeful, saying cats usually turn around from incidents like this...but when we returned in the morning, it seemed he was doing all he could to find the words to give us hope, but there were few to be said.

And then, when we returned to his vet, she examined him, and called us in, and in not so many words, we knew he was dying...they let us be with him for a while; my son, my husband and I took turns holding him, crying over him, and letting him know how much we loved him. Then, when the time came, I held him in my arms while the vet administered the shot...and then he was gone. She said we had performed a kindness for him...his suffering was over, but ours was beginning. The grief is immeasurable.

I told my husband that I believe there are two kinds of animal owners....the ones who have "pets"..they care for them, give them affection, but to them, their animals are animals, pets, accessories to the family. There are others, like us, who bring an animal into their home, into their families, into their lives, into their hearts. They are as much a member of the family as any human. And, I don't mean to offend anyone..I have lost humans...but the passing of a beloved animal family member is as devasting, as heart-wrenching as the loss of a human family member. I truly feel as if I have lost a child. And again, I mean no offense to anyone who might read this and who has lost a child..but love is love, nurturing is nurturing, mothering is mothering....

Angellus was one of the smartest animals I have ever owned. Many, many years ago, I owned a cat that had been a stray...one day, he went out to sit on the roof (outside my window, a favorite hangout) and then went wandering and never came back...but during the time I had him, his hair made me itch like crazy and I felt I was always covered in a fur overcoat so I vowed to never own a cat again...and from that day until 2005, I had always owned dogs...then, my daughter brought Angellus home..and I fell in love in an instant..He was beautiful, playful, and so very smart. And there's nothing quite like the feeling you get when a cat starts to purr with happiness and you know you made him happy....Well, like I said, he was my daughter's cat, so we saw him when she came to visit. Then she got a job out of town, and just like that, Angellus was living with us...Well we didn't want him to be lonely, so thanks to him, we adopted our sweet Chloe. They got along fine for a while..until Chloe became very bossy to him. But he was always a gentleman, and deferred to her..or maybe he just knew when to pick his fights, because they did have some crazy cat fights on occasion..but they never really hurt each other, and they could be seen grooming each other later on.

Angellus would communicate by telepathy..no I'm not crazy,lol...He would stand by his food, and stare at me until I noticed him and when I did notice him and ask what he wanted, he would look at his food bowl..he did the same for water, and for a clean litter box. He loved to play with a tiny soccer ball he had..he especially loved it when Danielle would come to visit and would play endlessly with her. And, I may have been mommy while she was gone..but as soon as she came, I was grandma...and he was devoted to her during her brief stays. When my mom died this past December, he knew I needed comforting and would lie with me, snuggle with me and let me hold him close, something he usually didn't like..

My son has Asperger's and Angellus seemed to recognize my son's uniqueness and was very close to him..they say cat's are the "Aspies" of the animal kingdom..I've come to see this as a real possibility..

Well, thanks for letting me share my sorrow..and Angellus, you may be gone, but you will NEVER be forgotten