My OperaMoment of weakness -- is what she said
Tuesday, May 3, 2011 1:11:22 PM
YOU KNOW WHAT IS A TURMOIL ... THAT IS WHAT NOW I FEEL. WELL HAVE HANDY REASONS TO JUSTIFY IT BUT NEVER WILL I DO. WHO WOULD TO LISTEN TO A STRANGER.. AN UNKNOWN WHO JUST GIVES YOU A FEELING OF BEING BETTER ... WHO PROMISES YOU GOOD TIME... WHO CAN JUST DO ANY CRAZY THING JUST TO GET A LIVE SMILE AND THAT GAZE FROM THOSE BLUE EYES..
I PROMISED TO MYSELF WELL I KEEP AWAY FROM COMMITMENTS ..IN OTHER WORDS "LOVE" FOR A REASON TO FEEL LIKE TO DO WHAT I LIKE TO DO ..BUT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE TO DO WHICH I NEVER WANTED TO DO.. I NEVER SHOW MY WRITINGS TO ANYONE MAYBE I NEVER HAD ANYONE TO SHOW WHAT I WRITE (WELL I DID WITH YOU)... I DON'T SAY I AM A LONER I HAVE JUST DID NOT OPEN MYSELF FOR IT...BUT WHEN I DID I WAS HURT ..ITS JUST HARD TO GO WITH IT ... ITS SOMEBODY KNOWING THAT THEY GONNA DIE IN A HOUR AND GIVEN MILLION DOLLAR TO SPEND AND BE HAPPY .. I AIN'T NEED ANY MONEY THAT TIME I WOULD JUST GIVE A MILLION TO GET ONE MORE HOUR TO LIVE .. WITHOUT ANY HESITATION.. SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME ....MAY I WISH NOBODY FACE THIS KIND OF SITUATION BECOZZ IT CREEPS I YOUR HEART CRACKS YOUR SPINE AND HALLUCINATE YOU BRAIN AND ALL YOU DO IS GAZE YOUR LAPTOP FOR SEVERAL HOURS EXCEPTING AND THINKING OF THAT ONE THING WHICH YOU CANT GET IN LIFE..
WELL WHY IS THAT COMPLICATED .. I DONT EVEN KNOW HER .. ??? HER CHOICES.. HER PREFERENCES.. HER LIKES ..HER DISLIKES ..EVEN I DNT JUDGE MY STAND AS BETTER HALF TO HER.. WHY I GO SO FAR WHAT IS THAT FLUXXX GETTING ME INTO THIS PIT OF DARK THOUGHTS .. WHY I AM SCARED. WHEN I NEVER OWNED ANYTHING.. MY HEART SO FAST AND I GET SHIVERS WHICH MY LITTLE FINGER INDICATES SO CLEAR AND FAST ..
WHAT HAPPENS TO MY EXPRESSION SO FREE ZED IN WHAT TO SAY OR WHAT NOT ...I DOT UNDERSTAND.. WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME IN THINKING WHAT I SHOULD I SAY .. OR NOT TO SAY .. THE ONLY THING I FEARED WAS TO LOSING HER .. AND I ULTIMATELY I PUSHED MYSELF INTO IT..WHY ONE CAN MAKE HER UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS .. WELL I AM JUST WALKING BACK WHEN I CAN HOLD HER HANDS AND REQUEST HER TO STAY BACK ..TALK . WHY THINGS SLIPPED FROM MY HANDS .. ONE DAY I WAS HOLDING HER IN MY ARMS AND THEN THE DAY COME SHE IS NO WHERE FOR ME..
BUT WHY THIS THINGS HAPPENED SO QUICK ?? SO HARD?? SO INTENSE ??
WHAT MAKES HER UNDERSTAND THAT FOR A GUY LIKE ME THERE IS NO ANGEL .. OR MUCH DESERVING WOMAN AS SHE SAY BACK IN HER MESSAGES .. IT JUST STARTED FROM HER AND WELL I DON'T WANNA GET ANY OTHER.. ITS ME .. MY FEELINGS .. HOW SHE CAN CONSOLE ME FOR THAT ..WELL IF IT WAS AN ATTRACTION THEN I DON'T SAY I AM NOT THAT MAGNETIC TO ATTRACT ANYONE..NOT VERY
OPEN .. OR DID SHE XPLORE ME ALOT THEN HOW CAN SHE BE ATTRACTED TO ME ????
I STILL FEEL THE BONDING .. ATTRACTIONS WELL NEVER GET THAT EXTENT ..OR THAT WHISPERS OR THAT WARMTH.... SE LEFT ME ALONE TO FIGHT WITH MYSELF IN UTTER SOLITUDE .. I DINT EXPECT THAT FROM HER .. SHE SAYS SHE AIN'T AN ANGEL BUT WITH ME I FELT SHE WAS ,.. WELL THIS GIRL TAKES THE BLAME AND LEAVE ME TO SUFFER ..WELL THAT'S NOT A CORRECT EQUATION ..THERE IS NO EQUILIBRIUM AS PHYSICS DESCRIBES..I NEVER WANT TO BE HER MEMORY BUT I WANT HER IN EVERY TENSE IN ENGLISH ...WELL WE CANT CHANGE PAST TENSE .. I DO AGREE BUT IF PAST KEPT ASIDE I DID PROMISE HER THAT I CAN HANDLE IT WELL... WHY DID I LISTEN TO WORST INSTANCE OF LIFE ...WHY DID I COMFORT HER ...BECOZ SHE WAS SPECIAL TO ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE... WHY WHEN SHE SAYS SOOOOO....A REPLY COMES ..SOOOOOOOO...ARE THESE THINGS FAKE .. DO THEY COME WHEN PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED OR MAYBE WEAK ON THAT MERE MOMENT.. TO BE HONEST I FOUND IT RIDICULOUS.... MIRACULOUS WAS THE WAY WE GELLED TOGETHER IN NO TIME...BUT IF YOU TERM ANYTHING DEGRADING THEN YOU NOT WHAT THAT TURNS YOU BAD .. YOU JUST FOLLOWED YOUR HEART .. AND MAYBE I WONT SHARE THIS WITH YOU BECOZ YOU SAID ME LEAVE .. LEAVE FORM THE POINT I CONFESSED N WAS DOWN TO EARTH EXPECTING YOU AND NOTHING .. WELL I SAID LADIES HAVE A BOON TO MAKE DECISIONS ... WELL THAT TIME SHE CHOOSE TO STAY WITH ME ... NO WISH CHOOSE TO STAY AWAY FROM ME ..
WELL I DONT KNOW WHAT IF I AM WRONG OR NOT BUT ITS ALL ABOUT I FEEL LIKE I AM NO ONE ... EYE BROWS RAISED... FIST CLOSED ..HEART SLOWS ..DOWN .. I GET GO TOO LOW ..
I LOST WELL REALLY ..BUT IT WAS BECOZ OF YOU .. NO NO !! I SHOULDNT BLAME HER .. ITS ME WHO STARTED AND ITS ME WHO GONNA FACE IT ..
BUT I LOVED U ...AND EXCEPTED MUCH FROM YOU .ITS MY FAULT
I PROMISED TO MYSELF WELL I KEEP AWAY FROM COMMITMENTS ..IN OTHER WORDS "LOVE" FOR A REASON TO FEEL LIKE TO DO WHAT I LIKE TO DO ..BUT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE TO DO WHICH I NEVER WANTED TO DO.. I NEVER SHOW MY WRITINGS TO ANYONE MAYBE I NEVER HAD ANYONE TO SHOW WHAT I WRITE (WELL I DID WITH YOU)... I DON'T SAY I AM A LONER I HAVE JUST DID NOT OPEN MYSELF FOR IT...BUT WHEN I DID I WAS HURT ..ITS JUST HARD TO GO WITH IT ... ITS SOMEBODY KNOWING THAT THEY GONNA DIE IN A HOUR AND GIVEN MILLION DOLLAR TO SPEND AND BE HAPPY .. I AIN'T NEED ANY MONEY THAT TIME I WOULD JUST GIVE A MILLION TO GET ONE MORE HOUR TO LIVE .. WITHOUT ANY HESITATION.. SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME ....MAY I WISH NOBODY FACE THIS KIND OF SITUATION BECOZZ IT CREEPS I YOUR HEART CRACKS YOUR SPINE AND HALLUCINATE YOU BRAIN AND ALL YOU DO IS GAZE YOUR LAPTOP FOR SEVERAL HOURS EXCEPTING AND THINKING OF THAT ONE THING WHICH YOU CANT GET IN LIFE..
WELL WHY IS THAT COMPLICATED .. I DONT EVEN KNOW HER .. ??? HER CHOICES.. HER PREFERENCES.. HER LIKES ..HER DISLIKES ..EVEN I DNT JUDGE MY STAND AS BETTER HALF TO HER.. WHY I GO SO FAR WHAT IS THAT FLUXXX GETTING ME INTO THIS PIT OF DARK THOUGHTS .. WHY I AM SCARED. WHEN I NEVER OWNED ANYTHING.. MY HEART SO FAST AND I GET SHIVERS WHICH MY LITTLE FINGER INDICATES SO CLEAR AND FAST ..
WHAT HAPPENS TO MY EXPRESSION SO FREE ZED IN WHAT TO SAY OR WHAT NOT ...I DOT UNDERSTAND.. WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME IN THINKING WHAT I SHOULD I SAY .. OR NOT TO SAY .. THE ONLY THING I FEARED WAS TO LOSING HER .. AND I ULTIMATELY I PUSHED MYSELF INTO IT..WHY ONE CAN MAKE HER UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS .. WELL I AM JUST WALKING BACK WHEN I CAN HOLD HER HANDS AND REQUEST HER TO STAY BACK ..TALK . WHY THINGS SLIPPED FROM MY HANDS .. ONE DAY I WAS HOLDING HER IN MY ARMS AND THEN THE DAY COME SHE IS NO WHERE FOR ME..
BUT WHY THIS THINGS HAPPENED SO QUICK ?? SO HARD?? SO INTENSE ??
WHAT MAKES HER UNDERSTAND THAT FOR A GUY LIKE ME THERE IS NO ANGEL .. OR MUCH DESERVING WOMAN AS SHE SAY BACK IN HER MESSAGES .. IT JUST STARTED FROM HER AND WELL I DON'T WANNA GET ANY OTHER.. ITS ME .. MY FEELINGS .. HOW SHE CAN CONSOLE ME FOR THAT ..WELL IF IT WAS AN ATTRACTION THEN I DON'T SAY I AM NOT THAT MAGNETIC TO ATTRACT ANYONE..NOT VERY
OPEN .. OR DID SHE XPLORE ME ALOT THEN HOW CAN SHE BE ATTRACTED TO ME ????
I STILL FEEL THE BONDING .. ATTRACTIONS WELL NEVER GET THAT EXTENT ..OR THAT WHISPERS OR THAT WARMTH.... SE LEFT ME ALONE TO FIGHT WITH MYSELF IN UTTER SOLITUDE .. I DINT EXPECT THAT FROM HER .. SHE SAYS SHE AIN'T AN ANGEL BUT WITH ME I FELT SHE WAS ,.. WELL THIS GIRL TAKES THE BLAME AND LEAVE ME TO SUFFER ..WELL THAT'S NOT A CORRECT EQUATION ..THERE IS NO EQUILIBRIUM AS PHYSICS DESCRIBES..I NEVER WANT TO BE HER MEMORY BUT I WANT HER IN EVERY TENSE IN ENGLISH ...WELL WE CANT CHANGE PAST TENSE .. I DO AGREE BUT IF PAST KEPT ASIDE I DID PROMISE HER THAT I CAN HANDLE IT WELL... WHY DID I LISTEN TO WORST INSTANCE OF LIFE ...WHY DID I COMFORT HER ...BECOZ SHE WAS SPECIAL TO ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE... WHY WHEN SHE SAYS SOOOOO....A REPLY COMES ..SOOOOOOOO...ARE THESE THINGS FAKE .. DO THEY COME WHEN PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED OR MAYBE WEAK ON THAT MERE MOMENT.. TO BE HONEST I FOUND IT RIDICULOUS.... MIRACULOUS WAS THE WAY WE GELLED TOGETHER IN NO TIME...BUT IF YOU TERM ANYTHING DEGRADING THEN YOU NOT WHAT THAT TURNS YOU BAD .. YOU JUST FOLLOWED YOUR HEART .. AND MAYBE I WONT SHARE THIS WITH YOU BECOZ YOU SAID ME LEAVE .. LEAVE FORM THE POINT I CONFESSED N WAS DOWN TO EARTH EXPECTING YOU AND NOTHING .. WELL I SAID LADIES HAVE A BOON TO MAKE DECISIONS ... WELL THAT TIME SHE CHOOSE TO STAY WITH ME ... NO WISH CHOOSE TO STAY AWAY FROM ME ..
WELL I DONT KNOW WHAT IF I AM WRONG OR NOT BUT ITS ALL ABOUT I FEEL LIKE I AM NO ONE ... EYE BROWS RAISED... FIST CLOSED ..HEART SLOWS ..DOWN .. I GET GO TOO LOW ..
I LOST WELL REALLY ..BUT IT WAS BECOZ OF YOU .. NO NO !! I SHOULDNT BLAME HER .. ITS ME WHO STARTED AND ITS ME WHO GONNA FACE IT ..
BUT I LOVED U ...AND EXCEPTED MUCH FROM YOU .ITS MY FAULT
