Which hand is mine?
Tuesday, 1. May 2007, 10:52:35
Please Bury Me in the Library
Monday, 23. April 2007, 13:11:16
Late at night, reading
Frankenstein... and suddenly
a pain in the neck.
-- "Three Haiku"
I and Lantern-Eye,
my book-mad mate,
stayed up late
rereading
The Field Mouse's
Guide to Midnight,
blinking back the
w e e w o n d e r
of footprints,
mouse holes, and
underground maps.
"You know," I hoot
to Lantern-Eye,
"books are loaded traps."
--"Reading in the Dark"
Frankenstein... and suddenly
a pain in the neck.
-- "Three Haiku"
I and Lantern-Eye,
my book-mad mate,
stayed up late
rereading
The Field Mouse's
Guide to Midnight,
blinking back the
w e e w o n d e r
of footprints,
mouse holes, and
underground maps.
"You know," I hoot
to Lantern-Eye,
"books are loaded traps."
--"Reading in the Dark"
The fleas
Wednesday, 18. April 2007, 14:49:17
I heard once that writing could become a habit. But what if all of my time was occupied by those insignificant things, not even a little while to write freely and think of nothing?
People who don’t know me very well would think my life was just on its wheel, working and dating, life is better with someone by my sides . It looks good, smooth and sweet, but there’s nothing inside. Like a gorgeous robe with fleas all over.
It’s like you never got to get your feet back on the ground, or you can not help but derail from reality.
I was trying to get rid of something, but unconsciously I picked it up again. There’s not any change on my shoulders, no more, no less. But somehow, I was just confused about…everything.
How could I start from the very beginning?
I am aware that much of things don’t belong to me, and I also know how hard it is to get perfection with entirely binding up? I just can’t figure out since when I had been lost on the way to my heart.
It just so happened.
How to catch those fleas?
People who don’t know me very well would think my life was just on its wheel, working and dating, life is better with someone by my sides . It looks good, smooth and sweet, but there’s nothing inside. Like a gorgeous robe with fleas all over.
It’s like you never got to get your feet back on the ground, or you can not help but derail from reality.
I was trying to get rid of something, but unconsciously I picked it up again. There’s not any change on my shoulders, no more, no less. But somehow, I was just confused about…everything.
How could I start from the very beginning?
I am aware that much of things don’t belong to me, and I also know how hard it is to get perfection with entirely binding up? I just can’t figure out since when I had been lost on the way to my heart.
It just so happened.
How to catch those fleas?
I walk the line
Sunday, 15. April 2007, 13:06:52
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine,
I walk the line
When the leaves falling
Friday, 30. March 2007, 16:17:55
A friend of mine was about to leave for another city to work which means she will be far far away from where I am. We are very close friends. And it has been over half of a year that I didn't have to say good bye to my good friends. You know,everyone has a door in their hearts. Sometimes it's closed and sometimes it's open, and sometimes it has to be shut up again. I realized this parting thing is just like putting a stingy rose crown on your head-the deeper you wear it, the worse you get hurt by it.
Tonight we went to a small club which was called LUSH. My friend particularly liked this club because of the vibrant music of here,while I entirely dislike this kind of place, dull and dark. I am much more fond of a place with big,bright windows besides me and the sunshine would fall upon my shoulders right through the windows. But this time it gave me a good reason to drop by because my friend said that a popular band would be playing tonight.
The small club was crowded and most were standing when the lead singer came out to play. She loosened up 100 percent and went through different styles, from screeching rock to a very heartfelt "Alone", and lots of other music flavors in betweeen. She sang in English and Chinese and they had no problem playing to the crowd which kept moving closer as the music continued.
Now I get to know why my friend likes this place. There's an energy here that makes you feel as though you are not just watching and listening. You actually become a part of the musical atmosphere,which is so fresh and powerful and unique.
We really enjoyed the music of tonight, don't know when we could come here again. Although I don't want to, yet I have to say good-bye to her .It's like those little fish in the deep hollow ocean, they seek for each other with their similar breathes,they come across, and then they have to be parted.
Tonight we went to a small club which was called LUSH. My friend particularly liked this club because of the vibrant music of here,while I entirely dislike this kind of place, dull and dark. I am much more fond of a place with big,bright windows besides me and the sunshine would fall upon my shoulders right through the windows. But this time it gave me a good reason to drop by because my friend said that a popular band would be playing tonight.
The small club was crowded and most were standing when the lead singer came out to play. She loosened up 100 percent and went through different styles, from screeching rock to a very heartfelt "Alone", and lots of other music flavors in betweeen. She sang in English and Chinese and they had no problem playing to the crowd which kept moving closer as the music continued.
Now I get to know why my friend likes this place. There's an energy here that makes you feel as though you are not just watching and listening. You actually become a part of the musical atmosphere,which is so fresh and powerful and unique.
We really enjoyed the music of tonight, don't know when we could come here again. Although I don't want to, yet I have to say good-bye to her .It's like those little fish in the deep hollow ocean, they seek for each other with their similar breathes,they come across, and then they have to be parted.
Kite
Sunday, 25. March 2007, 12:01:03
On many spring days I wish that I
Could be a kite flying in the sky.
I would climb high toward the sun
And chase the clouds. Oh, what fun!
Whichever way the wind chanced to blow
Is the way that I would go.
I'd fly up, up, up.
I'd fly down, down, down.
Then I'd spin round and round and round.
Finally I'd float softly to the ground.
Could be a kite flying in the sky.
I would climb high toward the sun
And chase the clouds. Oh, what fun!
Whichever way the wind chanced to blow
Is the way that I would go.
I'd fly up, up, up.
I'd fly down, down, down.
Then I'd spin round and round and round.
Finally I'd float softly to the ground.
Embarrassing moment
Saturday, 24. March 2007, 04:54:22
Have you ever experienced the moment that you completely loathed yourself and hoped to dig a hole on the ground and hide yourself in it?
I just had that feeling several minutes ago. I got a call from an old friend, a very charming middle-aged man whom I respected very much. In fact we didn't contact each other for quite a long time. It's a rainy day, so I just stayed at home and did some cleaning, then the phone rang. I closed the music and adjusted my voice to make sure it's cool enough. Then I answered the phone. "How are you?"" I'm fine, just doing some washing and cleaning..." Then I collected all the new things happened to me recently and spilled all of them to him. I didn't see the watch,but at least ten minutes has passed, I finally paused a while.
Then he said,"Actually, I wanted to tell you that Zeng disappeared, maybe he had some trouble from work.His family couldn't find him for over two days, and he lost contacts with all of his friends, so I called you to see whether he contacted you these two days?" "What????" I realized that my voice had been totally out of control. I felt so embarrassed, now everybody was worried about a disappearing friend, but I was doing nothing but wasting their times.
One hour later, I will go out and look for a disappearing friend in the rain. And I also got a lesson today: When picking up a phone, first thing is to make clear why they call you.
I just had that feeling several minutes ago. I got a call from an old friend, a very charming middle-aged man whom I respected very much. In fact we didn't contact each other for quite a long time. It's a rainy day, so I just stayed at home and did some cleaning, then the phone rang. I closed the music and adjusted my voice to make sure it's cool enough. Then I answered the phone. "How are you?"" I'm fine, just doing some washing and cleaning..." Then I collected all the new things happened to me recently and spilled all of them to him. I didn't see the watch,but at least ten minutes has passed, I finally paused a while.
Then he said,"Actually, I wanted to tell you that Zeng disappeared, maybe he had some trouble from work.His family couldn't find him for over two days, and he lost contacts with all of his friends, so I called you to see whether he contacted you these two days?" "What????" I realized that my voice had been totally out of control. I felt so embarrassed, now everybody was worried about a disappearing friend, but I was doing nothing but wasting their times.
One hour later, I will go out and look for a disappearing friend in the rain. And I also got a lesson today: When picking up a phone, first thing is to make clear why they call you.
Untitled
Wednesday, 21. March 2007, 14:32:40
Father came today. He said he had some issues to deal with for a couple of days, but I knew he just came to see how messy a life I am living.
So here we were, sitting at a restaurant after mid-afternoon. I stared out of the window at the little fountain in the nearby place, watching the thousands of sunrays rippling through the trees and dancing furiously on the water, I said, "So dad, why do you think I haven't found love yet?"
I convince myself that I can always get a satisfying answer from my father.But he completely evaded my question,"What's wrong with your eyebrows?"
Well,basically no one noticed the change of my eyebrows,even myself almost forgot that accident happened on last weekends. I was trying to prove to my friends that in fact I was good at cooking, so I started with lighting a match to make the stove heat--a stove which didn't be used for a long time, Then "Boom!" I was knocked in the air and my eyebrows was singed right off.
But back to that yearning question,"why do you think I haven't found love yet? I mean I've had all of this excitement around me, and no one to share it with."
Then he got quiet and intense, "You are not going to like this, but you need some new eyebrows.I guarentee you, you're going to find yourself a man."
I was pretty sure that's a good idea to get some new eyebrows. Otherwise who am I to judge when he's looking back at a woman with no eyebrows.
Okay, I'll wait for my eyebrows growing up little by little. I smiled and felt very peaceful sitting beside my father in such a lovely afternoon. Sometimes I just wish that I could go back to being that little girl, standing right beside him with my arm around his neck,drinking Coca Cola, with no care in the world,safe.
So here we were, sitting at a restaurant after mid-afternoon. I stared out of the window at the little fountain in the nearby place, watching the thousands of sunrays rippling through the trees and dancing furiously on the water, I said, "So dad, why do you think I haven't found love yet?"
I convince myself that I can always get a satisfying answer from my father.But he completely evaded my question,"What's wrong with your eyebrows?"
Well,basically no one noticed the change of my eyebrows,even myself almost forgot that accident happened on last weekends. I was trying to prove to my friends that in fact I was good at cooking, so I started with lighting a match to make the stove heat--a stove which didn't be used for a long time, Then "Boom!" I was knocked in the air and my eyebrows was singed right off.
But back to that yearning question,"why do you think I haven't found love yet? I mean I've had all of this excitement around me, and no one to share it with."
Then he got quiet and intense, "You are not going to like this, but you need some new eyebrows.I guarentee you, you're going to find yourself a man."
I was pretty sure that's a good idea to get some new eyebrows. Otherwise who am I to judge when he's looking back at a woman with no eyebrows.
Okay, I'll wait for my eyebrows growing up little by little. I smiled and felt very peaceful sitting beside my father in such a lovely afternoon. Sometimes I just wish that I could go back to being that little girl, standing right beside him with my arm around his neck,drinking Coca Cola, with no care in the world,safe.
Pale Blue Eyes
Saturday, 17. March 2007, 00:57:13
Sometimes I feel so happy
Sometimes I feel so sad
Sometimes I feel so happy
But mostly you just make me mad
Baby you just make me mad
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Thought of you as my mountain top
Thought of you as my peak
Thought of you as everything
I’ve had but could’nt keep
I’ve had but could’nt keep
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see
I’d put you in the mirror I put in front of me
I’d put in front of me
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Skip a life completely, stuff it in a cup
She said money is like us in time
It lies but can’t stand up
Down for you is up
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
It was good what we did yesterday
And I’d do it once again
The fact that you are married
Only proves that you’re my best friend
But it’s truly, truly a sin
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Sometimes I feel so sad
Sometimes I feel so happy
But mostly you just make me mad
Baby you just make me mad
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Thought of you as my mountain top
Thought of you as my peak
Thought of you as everything
I’ve had but could’nt keep
I’ve had but could’nt keep
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see
I’d put you in the mirror I put in front of me
I’d put in front of me
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Skip a life completely, stuff it in a cup
She said money is like us in time
It lies but can’t stand up
Down for you is up
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
It was good what we did yesterday
And I’d do it once again
The fact that you are married
Only proves that you’re my best friend
But it’s truly, truly a sin
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Blind date
Thursday, 15. March 2007, 12:55:56
I was siting in a coffee house,all dark and tiny. His friend(who is also my colleague's wife) studied me quizzically.And he was keen to enjoy his coffee and talking about his huge adventure in Szechwan,then finally he mentioned that he didn't like spicy food at all.For God's sake,who cares!
I didn't see that,but I did see that , the carpet under my feet was breathing. Steadily up and down, living its own nightmare.
If I drink one more cup of coffee, I'll be able to float back to my hometown on my own.And I have run out of my smiles to answer the stupidest questions he asked. But he was struck in the glory of his past, big house and good job, and he was investing some negotiable securities etc. He was floating so high up,like a balloon, that all I can do was look up at him and marvel at his magnificence.
So when the carpet took another breath, I sighed along with it.
And then it hit me so hard, so hard it almost knocked the wind out of me. How come we do these blind dates like fireflies in the dark? I was beginning to fear it was all just chemical.
And that carpet, I swear, was still breathing.
He shoot me a look so disgusting, it instantly burned off the last piece of my hope, turning it straight to soot and ash.
It's just then that I noticed that I was breathing along with the carpet,perfectly timed.
And I felt really bad for the carpet, because it is tethered but I am not. I can go...So I do.
I didn't see that,but I did see that , the carpet under my feet was breathing. Steadily up and down, living its own nightmare.
If I drink one more cup of coffee, I'll be able to float back to my hometown on my own.And I have run out of my smiles to answer the stupidest questions he asked. But he was struck in the glory of his past, big house and good job, and he was investing some negotiable securities etc. He was floating so high up,like a balloon, that all I can do was look up at him and marvel at his magnificence.
So when the carpet took another breath, I sighed along with it.
And then it hit me so hard, so hard it almost knocked the wind out of me. How come we do these blind dates like fireflies in the dark? I was beginning to fear it was all just chemical.
And that carpet, I swear, was still breathing.
He shoot me a look so disgusting, it instantly burned off the last piece of my hope, turning it straight to soot and ash.
It's just then that I noticed that I was breathing along with the carpet,perfectly timed.
And I felt really bad for the carpet, because it is tethered but I am not. I can go...So I do.
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