My life as it is.

It's kind of pitiful when the guy you spent almost five years with breaks up with you in the worst way. He leads you on, he tells you you're his world, that you're the most beautiful girl in the world and he's so in love with you. He promises that he'll never, never break up with you. No matter what. You're his one and only, always and forever.
Right? Wrong.
No, instead he tells you that he's 'looking elsewhere' and that you should follow suit. And then, three weeks later, after no contact whatsoever, he comes back. With an apologetic story about he's been smoking weed again. (Did I mention that for the time we were dating he was going behind my back smoking weed for the better part of a couple years?) So, naturally, being hopelessly in love with him I obliged to his requests and came back. Fell into the same rhythms of saying 'I love you' and sleeping together and spending the night together. He even promised me a ring for Christmas.
Fast forward a month.
He fell back into his old lying, manipulative ways. Staying out late, not coming home, standing me up. The works. Until finally, on Thanksgiving day he tells me he's done. He's sorry he ever loved me, he's disgusted he ever slept with me, doesn't care about me anymore. That he's going to start talking to other cute girls, dating them, sleeping with them.
Then the biggest slap in the face.
He tells me his next target. A girl named Lizzie Brown. She dated one of his best friends for a couple years. They used to get high together behind my back. And her and her boyfriend just broke up. Maybe a week ago. And he goes on to tell me how [explicative] gorgeous she is, how chill she is, what a great girlfriend she'd be, how she's a 'professional' model (note the quotations).
In reality?
The first time I met her she was on ecstasy. She has one of the biggest noses I've ever seen on a human being (no exaggeration). She's a drunk and a druggie. She's going nowhere in life. She has aimless tattoos. And does body paint shows. She's friendly to say the least.
Well, darling. You see how well that works out. A drunk, a druggie, and a whore. Have a good time. I'm sure she's real chill. Because she's always on something. She has no brain, you said it yourself dear.
You want to be sorry anything happened with me? That's fine. I'll be haunted by the thought of you two. I won't eat or sleep or focus because you've messed me up so badly. But you? Have fun ruining your already barely-there life. Get an STD. Get someone pregnant. I won't be around to pick you up again. I'm damaged too badly. You've killed my self-esteem. Granted, I did some pretty messed up things to you too. And I'm sorry. More than you'll ever know. And I wish I could stop loving you and caring about you and hate you like I really want to. And I'm sorry because I know you hate it. And it just causes me more pain.
You know what you said to me? I'll always be your first love. Before it was that I'll be your only love.
I told you that you were worth the fight. Worth the wait. Worth the pain and heartbreak and tears. That I loved you unconditionally.
Sweetheart, you said it yourself. We've been through hell and back. Thanks for showing me how much it meant to you.