Ashlee's World

Ok so Friday was hands down the hardest day I've had to go through since my mom died a little over a year ago. My cousin shot and killed a guy in straight up self defense. But since he has a rep as a 'troublemaker' in the county he was given 30 years in prison. He had just gotten home and this guy jumped out from behind a tree, pulled a gun and started shotting at him. He fired back, killing the guy.

Ok I know that it's terrible that this guy got killed and some family is suffering for losing their son, brother, cousin, and friend. but our family is suffering too, we are losing our son, brother, cousin and friend. He has kids, 2 sons, who need him a whole lot more than the prison systems do.

What is beyond me is why we have a self-defense plea if it's not going to do any good. I know it could have been worse he could have received the death penalty. But my point is it was clear self defense. Whether or not it's true I'm not sure of, I do know this much though. It was said that the foreman of the jury made the comment that this was the chance to get rid of him.

Honestly people in this town are afraid of him. He was railroaded straight up, no doubt. He's not perfect and I'm not saying he is but he really deserved to be found innocent.

My question is this, Where is the justice in the American justice system. And if it does this to innocent people, why should I have faith in it?

GOD brings people into your life when you need them the most. They will say things or do things that are what you need right when you need them. Like most of you know my life this year has been a complete and total train wreck and I've not even disclosed the whole story on what all has happened. A friend of mine sent me this prayer the other day. I received it at a time when I really needed something and I prayed this and meant it and a peace came over me that I haven't felt in a long time.

I used to feel most peaceful when my mom was hugging me and telling me that everything would be ok. I hadn't felt anything close to that since she died. Praying this prayer and meaning itgave me that same feeling of my mom hugging me and telling me that everything would be ok. No matter how bad things seem they can only get better.

I know that everyone has their own struggles and trials and problems but we all have the same GOD and he loves us all the same and this prayer, if you will pray it and mean it, will do for you what it did for me. I twill make you feel a peace you can't explain and one you haven't felt in al long time.

Without further rambling here it is.
Lord Jesus, I believe that you are able and willing to deliver me from all the care and unrest and bondage of my Christian life. I believe that you died, not just to save me, but to set me free, not just in the future someday but now and right here where I am. I believe that you are stronger than sin and that you can keep me, even me, in my terrible weakness from falling into its traps and obeying its urgings. And, Lord, I am going to trust you to keep me. I have tried keeping myself and I have failed, and failed miserably. I am absolutely helpless. So now, finally, I will trust you. I gve myself to you. I hold nothing that I know back in reserve. Body, soul, mind, and spirit, I present myself to you as a piece of clay. Fashion me into anything that your love and wisdom choose. And now, I am yours. I believe that you accept what I have just presented to you. I believe that this poor, weak, foolish heart has been taken possession of by you and that you are at this very moment beginning to work in me to will and to do your own good pleasure with me. I trust you completely and I trust you now.

I hope this will help someone who is in need of whatever you may be in need of and a special thanks go to jcstephjr, who sent this to me and who is always there for me to give me encouragement when I need it the most.

As everyone who knows me knows my mom and I were super close and she died in January. What a lot of people reading this don't know is that I was married (very briefly, but yes I was) Not 2 weeks after my mom's funeral my marriage fell apart. I am a generally very happy and easygoing person. But everyone has their breaking point. Losing my mom, coupled with losing the love of my life, I fell into depression. Depression runs in my family. My dad has struggled with it for years as did my mom. I tried to be so happy and high spirited for my dad and my siblings. But I knew something wasn't right with me. I would go to school of a day and get home and do my homework, clean the house, cook the meals and do whatever needed to be done. Not focusing on myself. Simply focusing on what HAD to be done. I would just run myself ragged until bed time. I was so exhausted that I didn't have time to think about what was going on in my life, I just went right to sleep, waking up the next day and repeating the cycle. I honestly denied everything that was happening. I just kept telling myself my mom was coming back home and that Chad was just away on business. I was honestly in total denial.

My dad was a pastor. But, I quit going to Church. I got t a point where I honestly questioned if there was a GOD. I thought if there was how could he let all of this fall on me at one time. I could only handle so much. I got to a point where I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. I just wanted to be in a totally dark room with no sound. I was honestly in a terrible place. I knew I had to do something. I couldn't talk to my dad because he was struggling enough with his own problems. He didn't need me to throw my problems on him. I called a deacon in our church and asked to meet him.
I told him what my problem was and he asked me one simple question, "Do you feel like you have any peace in your life?" I was quick to answer "NO" He quoted me a verse that I had heard a zillion times before but had never applied to my situation. " Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27 (KJV) I also told him about my struggle with questioning GOD and how I wondered if He was real how he could have put so much on me at one time. He told me that GOD wouldn't put anymore on me than He knew I was able to bear.

He prayed with me and from that day to this, I am doing so much better. I came to the point where i realized that my mom is in Heaven and so much better off than anyone here. I also realized that even though I loved Chad GOD had bigger plans for my love life than I did.

I want to leave you with a few verses that helped me deal with my depression and hopefully they will help you too.

1.John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

2.Romans 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ

3.Romans 8:6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

4.Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith

5.Ephesians 2:14 For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us;

6.Philippians 4:9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

7.I Thess 5:23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ

8.II Thess 3:16 Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all.

If you know me then you know i am addicted to music. Especially rap/hip-hop/Rn'n'B. It really bugs me when someone says that hip hop and rap music causes people especially youth to commit more violent crimes. I have listened to hip hop and rap for most of my life and all of my teen years. I recently turned 20 and I can say that I have never done anything bad because of the music.

I will be the first to say yeah, I probably did dumb things but I take 100% responsibility for what I did wrong and I don't in any way blame the music. Because I also listen to Christian and Gospel music. Over the next few days or weeks whatever my time permits me to do I am going to write a series of articles about my take on this. I am currently taking a psychology course so this will also give me a chance to work on my psychology paper.

I am also planning on doing reviews of songs I like, from all different genres. Everyone who knows me knows I am addicted to music. So I'll be telling you what songs I'm feeling and what songs I'm not.

If you have any songs you like please let me know and we can have a discussion on them .

Happy reading. Please leave me your take on the songs I choose and what songs you choose.

35 Questions I know you've never been asked!!!

Here we go!!!
What's your second favorite color?: Black
Do ever wish you lived in a different country?: Yep but just Canada
Do you have a credit card with a picture on the front?: Yeah
Have you ever gone car shopping?: Yeah
Have you ever bought the car yourself?: Yeah
What movie have watched most recently?: More Sex and the Single Mom
Have you ever given someone the rejection hotline number?: No
Do you know what dog treats taste like?: Yep; Ask me about that and I'll tell u
Who's the last person you "pounded" fists with?: Shaffer
Do you think you could defend our country?: Yep
If you leave the TV on at night, do you set the sleep timer?: Nope I keep Music Choice going all night
Are you addicted to a drug?: Does Caffeine count?
When's the last time you drove farther than 2 hours away?: Over the weekend
Do you know any african spiritual songs?: No but I wish I did
Will you pass all your classes this semester?: I always do!
Have you ever been involved in an affair?: Yeah
How fast can you type?: 68 words per minute
Ever won a spelling bee?: Yep quite a few actually
How many times a week do you speak to your boss?: Every day except weekends and sometimes on weekends
When's the last time you exercised?: About 3 hous ago
What's the last movie you saw at the drive thru?: Never been
Are you a parent?: No but my boyfriend has a little boy
What about an uncle or an aunt?: Yep
Do you believe in the laws of attraction?: Sort of
How many sexual partners have you had?: More than u need to know about
How many jobs have you had?: 2
Who did you last smile at?: Chimere
Who was your last voicemail from?: Shaffer
Do you know how to spell well?: Yep
Have you ever worn a leotard in public?: No
Are you currently writing a term paper?: Yep
On average how many texts do you send a day?: at least 30-50 I'm addicted
How many times have you been so drunk you didn't remember the night before: Only 1 time. Huge mistake
How often do you watch life time?: Everyday I'm addicted

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