Overcoming Evil

Thick skin soft heart
thin skin hard heart
take it in
play your part

wounded warrior weeps in the field
lay low in cover keep you eyes peeled

what made the children flee
the swamps are not a place of glee

deep sunk eyes, protruding bellies
tears sting my face, now I realize

rebel war had come to town
silence shatterd, children dead on the ground.

Pain for you but feeding time for me
Vultures feast comes early.

wimpers are heard but it is much to late
Love is silent, loud is HATE.

memories run like hunted thing
down path I cannot retrace.
from field of blood to sweaty bed
one nod of sleep only comes as grace.

You break it you own it read the sign
alas, who owns me.

Just pondering another night with little to no sleep. Suffering from PTSD has been a hellish experience. After eighteen years in war zones it feels that much of my capacity to fight off the wickedness is diminished. I feel trapped inside of thoughts, thoughts I cannot control, thoughts that take on their own life and knock whenever they feel, especially at night. I know that the Lord promises His beloved sleep but I also know that we are calle to endure for His name sake. I trust I shall win this war when I concede that I have no chance and He becomes my all in all. Dark thoughts, to many times looking at things I shoud have never seen. Broken hearts and empty stares, crying faces filled with pain. I remember seeing a women who had just seen her husband shot on the trail before she came to us. She was carrying three kids with her. They all were so desperate for food. She fell down on the ground near my feet and sighed. Yes we gave her food as well as the children but only Jesus can touch the scars of the mind and heart she and the kids will endure from such tragedy. Well it is late. Nice to get this off my chest.

Psalm 73:1 -Palm 73:28 GWTPsalm 73:1 –Psalm 73:28 GWT


Psalm 73:1 –Psalm 73:28 GWT
      God is truly good to Israel,
      to those whose lives are pure.

      But my feet had almost stumbled.
      They had almost slipped

      because I was envious of arrogant people
      when I saw the prosperity that wicked people enjoy.

      They suffer no pain.
      Their bodies are healthy.

      They have no drudgery in their lives like ordinary people.
      They are not plagued ë with problems û like others.

      That is why they wear arrogance like a necklace
      and acts of violence like clothing.

      Their eyes peer out from their fat faces, ◙
      and their imaginations run wild.

      They ridicule.
      They speak maliciously.
      They speak arrogantly about oppression.

      They verbally attack heaven,
      and they order people around on earth.

      That is why God’s people turn to wickedness ◙
      and swallow their words.

      Then wicked people ask, “What does God know?”
      “Does the Most High know anything?”

      Look how wicked they are!
      They never have a worry.
      They grow more and more wealthy.

      I’ve received no reward for keeping my life pure
      and washing my hands of any blame.

      I’m plagued ë with problems û all day long,
      and every morning my punishment ë begins again û .

      If I had said, “I will continue to talk like that,”
      I would have betrayed God’s people.

      
But when I tried to understand this,
      it was too difficult for me.

      Only when I came into God’s holy place
      did I ë finally û understand what would happen to them.

      You put them in slippery places
      and make them fall into ruin.

      They are suddenly destroyed.
      They are completely swept away by terror!

      As ë someone û gets rid of a dream when he wakes up,
      so you, O Lord, get rid of the thought of them
      when you wake up.

      When my heart was filled with bitterness
      and my mind was seized ë with envy û ,

      I was stupid, and I did not understand.
      I was like a dumb animal in your presence.

      Yet, I am always with you.
      You hold on to my right hand.

      With your advice you guide me,
      and in the end you will take me to glory.

      As long as I have you,
      I don’t need anyone else in heaven or on earth.

      My body and mind may waste away,
      but God remains the foundation of my life
      and my inheritance forever.

      Without a doubt, those who are far from you will die.
      You destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

      Being united with God is my highest good.
      I have made the Almighty LORD my refuge
      so that I may report everything that he has done.