** Happy Jokes **
Sunday, 22. November 2009, 08:02:26
Talking Too MuchEight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea and I am going to try it, which I think may break her of the habit."
Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
Online BankingTECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?
TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.
CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?
TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.
CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?
TECH: I'm not sure I understand?
CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
Eye SurgeryWhile my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"
"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."
"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
You've Got MailA man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, a blonde, went out to her mailbox, opened it, and returned to her home empty handed.
About five minutes later, he saw the blonde again. She checked the mailbox and once again, returned to her house empty handed.
She did this two more times before the man decided to ask her about it. "Why do you keep coming out to your mailbox every five minutes?" the man asked.
"Because," replied the blonde, "my computer keeps telling me that I've got mail!"
Second NoticeA taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
A Mental HospitalAfter hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Lee, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Lee replied. "I hung him up to dry."
Who Is Stupid?A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Is there anyone who think that he or she is a stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, a girl stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think that you're a stupid, Becky?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
MillionaireA woman proudly told to her friend, "I'm responsible for making my husband a millionaire."
"Well well! What was he before the marriage?" the friend asked.
"A billionaire.", woman said.
(17%)
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