Saturday, March 27, 2010 2:37:29 PM
Hi. My name is Darlene. I am writing this for myself. I love to write, but life keeps me busy. I tried orginally to be my own person and think my own thoughts and in general just live life the way i thought everyone else did. You see I wasn't exactly sure how everyone else lived life becuase my family was unusual sort of, abusive definitely and in some ways a gift of extraordinary discussion, debate and even maybe a social experiemnt. I grew up in the 1970s. My father was an Ex Marine and my mother was an ex yippie. I loved living in the country, but I hated the violence, the physical exaustion of caring for teh animals and garden pretty much alone and the lonliness.
I am now 44. I have returned to my orginal opinion that I should live my life and stop playing the social 'game' of pretending to be what is socially acceptable. I let others manipulate, theraten and coerce me long enough. I have tried to be the best person I can be, now I have decided whether I make friends or not, whether it costs me everything or not. I will be myself. I had to fight for my mind and my identity growing up in a violent household. My faith kept me safe and also protected me from straying too far from God's will.
I am determined that whether I publish or not I will write, for teh sheer joy of it. Socially acceptable or not I will do my best to change my world and support the things i love. I miss the freedom of living in NH. NC is a very conformity oriented environment...well, screw it.... I never planned to play the politics game at work. I don't care anymore if I have a ton of friends so what can I do today to helps someone else and be myself?
I think I might walk into a grocery store and buy someone some of their groceries. Or maybe I will just let God open the door....I wonder what He will ask me to do? I had a pastor once that said I shouldn't read the Talmud, I wanted to learn more about Jewish thought and how that influenced my faith and how that expounded upon Scripture. He said I wouldn't understand it. I love Billie Holiday and Janis Joplin, but more then once I have friends of color that sneer at me like I am trying to be 'black'. Frankly I dont care what color I am. I cant change it. I am who I am. If we go by the 'one drop rule' of the South and Nazi Germany. I have ancestors of color so just because I look white doesnt make me anymore white or black or indian then I was before. My blood is my blood. I love Billy Jack. I am still enough of an idealist I want to fight for the underdog. It seems like that is the calling of my family...spiritually I mean. And Battlestar Galactica, the orginal one, it fires my imagination. Sci Fi , poetry, books, gamers, hackers, hippies, individualists, outcasts, these seem to be my family. I wish the world saw us as God sees us.