Power is Nothing for Dummies

A soldier died. Wife is crying during burial when
flag was given to her. She said,"Aanhin ko paang watawat
na 'to kung wala na ang flagpole ko!"
Hu...hu...hu...
-----------------------------------------
Husband and Wife having sex..

Husband: Luv, magsalita ka naman diyan para mas masarapan pako..,
Wife: Oohh…ahhhh.. wala tayong bigaass… buwisiiit…demonnyoo…Sipiing laang lagii taayooo….Mammmmmatay tayoo sa gutoooom....animmaaal..
pinoy and kana
Minsang nagkasabay sa bus stop ang isang kapampangan at isang american lady sa Chicago (windy city). Habang nakatayo silang dalawa, biglang humangin ng napakalakas at tumaas ang palda ng 'kana' na wala palang panty. Dahil sa ayaw ng pinoy na mapahiya ang 'kana' sinabi na lang n'ya na, "it's hairy (airy pala ang ibig sabihin) isn't it?" Sagot ng napahiyang 'kana', "Bastard! What do you expect to see, feathers?"


Body Parts
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The Nun fainted....



use the word "connected" in a sentence!
english subject sa school sa isang lugar sa bicol.

teacher: pedro, use the word "connected" in a sentence.

pedro: ma'am yesterday, i saw two dogs in the highway, connected!

nabastusan si teacher sa sagot ni perdro!

teacher: dugyot! (salaula / bastos)

kala ni pedro nagtatanong si teacher kung batang aso!

pedro: yes ma'am! korek!





mga kasabihan:


1.Time is Gold......Convert it to cash
2.Sa mga mata ng bata....maymuta
3.Kapag Binato ka ng tinapay...saluhin mo
4.Ang taong matulin ang lakad.....sa crang tutunguhin
5.Matalino man daw ang matsing nagbabasa rin
payabangan portion
May apat na taong nagyabang sa kanilang mga lupang sinilangan:

CHINESE:Sa amin malaki simbahan, tuwing piyesta sa amin, sa loob ng simbahan namin gaganapin ang prosesyon..

BRAZIL: Our church is bigger than yours, coz we always play football in the altar..

AMERICA: that is one-third(1/3) compare to our church, because we always have our sky diving inside the church..

FILIPINO:(sempling pagsasalita) Iwan ko ba sa amin kung malaki ba yong simbahan namin, kasi isang araw may pumasok na ibuburol patay sa simbahan at noong nakarating na sa altar ay kalansay na.......malaki ba yon?




ANG ULAM
Kulas: Kumusta ang bakasyon, Tulume
Tulume: Masama. Sabado, napilay ang manok ni tiyong,
ang ulam namin, tinola.
Linggo, napilay ang baboy, ang ulam namin, litson.
Kanina, napilay si tiyong, ang ulam namin, hindi ko inalam.
Kumain ako sa labas.

SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid cash!
INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY: Gago! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!

A priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest: anyone got a bird?
all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any1 seen a bird?
all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?
...all nuns stood up


After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati e....
nyahahahahaha….

Kunting ingats mga kaibigan maka transe mayari mo..
SILI

Minsan nagpaalam ang anak sa nanay nya na kung pwedeng makipag date sia.

anak: Magdadate lang po ako.
nanay: o sige, pero bago ka umalis, lagyan mo muna ng sili yang nipples at ung baba! mo (alam nyo na un) (dyahe he..)o sige po inay gagawin ko po.
Nang magkita uli ang mag ina!
Nanay: o anak, kamusta ang date mo?
anak: Hanep Nay, Bicolano pala un e, Oragon!!!







PROMDI PROVINCE
dhil gling sa province, pagbababa nya ng barko, nagutom si Pedro,napadaan sya sa isang restaurant, sbi sa kanya ng babae sa harap ng resto, "kain po kayo"? di umorder matapos kumain, bigla syang umalis at hinabol sya ng waiter, sabi nya dito, e sabi ng babae kain daw ako? e di kumain naman ako,so tinawag nya ung manager, cge bigyan mo sya ng 1 buong manok, sabi nya sa bouncer,"pero kung anong parte ng manok ang unang kakainin mo un ang gagawin namin sayo? ika ng manager. nag-isip sya, kung hita ang kakainin nya, puputulin nya ang hita ko? kung pakpak naman, ung braso ko naman ang puputulin,,,, nag-isip sya uli at kinuha nya ung ketsup at sabay hubad at nilagyan nya ng ketsup ung pwet nya... O SIGE SIPSIPIN MO UNG PWET KO!!!!!!





strongest muscle
strongest muscles is a man tongue. it can raise womans legs with just one lick!!
lightest muscles is a man's PENIS.
it can be raised by a woman's tongue!!



Byaheeeeeeeeeee
Tanong

T: Saan bhayee ng Victory Liner!
A: Baguio!!!

T: Saan bhayee ng baliwag Liner !
A: PASAY!

T: Saan Bhayee Ng Panty Liner!
A: Heaven?!!


erap at doktor
doktor: bawal kang kumain ng baboy. dapat seafood lang.
erap: e doc, anu pu ba ung seafood??
doktor: mga hayop na lumalangoy..
erap: ah.. salamt po.

*kinabukasan*
asawa ni erap: inday, nasan ang kuya mo??
inday: andun po sa swimming pool.. tinuturuan lumangoy ang BABOY!



ngongo
dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?".... (guess who)
MRS: gago!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!!
hahahahaha….




Types of jokes
Alam nyo ba na may 4 na klase ng joke ito un:


1. Corny joke-walang kwentang joke
2. No joke-mabigat na trabaho
3. Small joke-Mga joke ko
4. Big joke- cute ka raw

1. Describe your problem:
______________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
______________________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
______________________________________________________

4. Problem severity:
Minor ___
Minor ___
Minor ___
Trivial ___

5. Nature of the problem:
Locked Up ___
Frozen ___
Hung __
Strange Smell __

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __

7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __

9. Have you made it worse? Yes __

10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about computers " try to fix it for you ? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe __ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself:
______________________________________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer when the problem occurred?
______________________________________________________

18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in:
______________________________________________________

19. Are you sure that you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What's a VCR__

21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronic products that DO work? Yes __ No__

24. Is there anyone else that you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __

27 Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes_

I hate to write long blog entries and i'm saying this because I wanted to.

July 12, 2006- I woke up at 6:05 am (pretty late isn't it) and as usual I prepared for school. As we [me and my father] started to go to school and we are on the overpass the rain fell from the mighty heavens and the wind blew hard:eek: . While it's raining we decide to take the long cut because it has pretty good protection from the rain and I arrived at the school safe and sound but i'm wet and my classmates told me "mukha kang basang t***". Classes went on as usual until on our geometry class when we started hearing students from other section cheering like there was something special. As we hear them cheer some of us started telling Mr. Bitancor [our Geometry teacher] that classes are suspended but he still continues the lecture and our Pinoy [Filipino] teacher Mr. Sangel that it is official Classes Are Suspended wooohoooo.... and still Mr. Bitancor ^hardcore(it rhymes right??) continued the lessons. After Geometry the moment i've been waiting for Dismissal and DoTA time and as usual Samboy [my rich kid classmate] will treat us and btw the players are Me, JVN, Samboy and Julius. While waiting for them we saw a cat trapped between the vent and barbed wire and I decided to help the poor kitty then Samboy said "diba daga ka di ka takot sa pusa (chuckles)". After that simple everyday teasing we took a tricycle going to Tianis computer shop and started playing Dota and I found out that JVN is a great player because out of all the 3 games we played he only died once but still our tandem lost to julius and Samboy because i'm a sucker. When I arrived at home I rested for a while and later i opened YM and i recieved a lot of msgs telling me that classes are suspended tomorrow July 13, 2006 [this is a delayed post so time and figures are somewhat delayed also] and after that unsure msgs I watched TeleDyaryo and it says that classes are suspended [yay!! ]


July 13, 2006- When i woke up i watched tv confirming that classes are suspended but i'm SaPpy [sad and happy]because classes are suspended but I would not see my fellow classmates and friends and some are telling me that classes are suspended tomorrow but i won't believe them. Ilike to fly to other dimensions or under the sea and the skies above hahaha:lol:

nothin

I subscribed to the Opera Community to comment on the desktop team's builds and i made this blog to show the world that Filipinos are the best.