Frame of Mind Coaching

The reality was, he owned practically nothing of significant value. He owned one red paperclip but what he truly desired was to own a house. He had big dreams. How was he going to get from where he was to where he wanted to be?

On July 12, 2005, Kyle MacDonald initiated a trading game. He had a dream and he had bills to cover, he badly needed a job, but rather … He placed an ad on Craigslist trying to trade in his paperclip for something better. He traded it for a ballpoint pen the same shape as a fish which initiated a sequence of bartering which caught the attention of many people who followed his cross-continental trading journey. He continued trading and went from the pen, to a camping stove, to a power generator, to a neon sign, to a snowmobile, to a trip, to a snow globe.

On July 7, 2006, he carried out his last trade for the house he always dreamed to have. Then he threw a housewarming party, where he proposed to his girlfriend with a wedding ring made from the actual red paperclip that was generously returned from his first trader.

Had I told you that it's possible to get a house with a single red paperclip - you'd probably have assumed I had already lost my mind and come from another planet. You would have asserted that I was in la la land and absolutely unrealistic. But, the reality is this… those people who live with their eyes firmly planted on what is realistic keep themselves in a world of limited possibilities. Those people who keep their eyes firmly planted on the vision of their dreams create possibilities that are close to magical in nature.

It looks like a giant leap, however, to go from paperclip to homeowner. How do you bridge such a wide gap? By trading up. That is what MacDonald did.

What if we could trade up our thoughts in the same exact way? What would happen? What if we could go from a sense of hopelessness to a world of abundance in a few basic trades?

If we take a look at people who live stratospheric lives we would find that the single greatest distinction between them and everybody else is just the way they think. They are aware of the thoughts that they have that limit their possibilities and trade them up for thoughts of slightly higher value.

Our thoughts are the single most significant factor in achieving our dreams. Our thoughts become our beliefs, our beliefs result to the expectations we have and our expectations drive the results we obtain. Just as MacDonald started with a simple paperclip and continued trading up, we can also trade up our thoughts to better thoughts and even better, greater ones until we achieve our ultimate dreams.

Three key ways to trade up to success:

1. MacDonald had a dream and a vision. He knew just what he wanted at the end of the trade, and he contemplated, maneuvered and orchestrated each trade to achieve maximum benefit. His trades stimulated his interest in some way, they're instinctive and he could see a better picture within them. They made sense to him. You cannot know how to go about achieving your dreams until you have defined your dream. When you see your dream clearly, your thoughts and actions are aligned, working in harmony to attain your vision.


2. Our unique experience. We are given with a unique set of gifts and abilities that are given only to us to assist us navigate through journeys with our own brand of ingenuity. In MacDonald’s case, he was a jack of all trades with a restless nature. He really didn’t need a conventional job; he is a geography enthusiast, a writer who drew upon circumstance, chance meetings and the quirky insignificant stuff of life as fuel for the stories on his blog, and wanderlust with a keen savvy for celebrity. He collected each one of his gifts in his mission to trade up to a house, using in fact, the red paperclip that held together his resume. The red paperclip symbolically and factually saved him from conventional wisdom. Follow your heart; do what you’re good at.

3. Live with passion. What did he actually trade? From door knob to cube van, these items had pretty little value. They had sentiment perhaps, or the cute factor, or made a good comment on society, or were kitsch so they were cool, arbitrary and extraordinary, fun and spontaneous, but mainly financially mediocre (except of course the house, and the snow globe which Corbin Benson desperately wanted to add to his collection).But they have something very specific and altruistic about them. They are definitely more than objects, they are stories. They have a culture, they represent the journey, the dream, and they inspire, set fire to the imagination and build excitement. The paperclip started a vibe, it was contagious, it became an obsession and a passion, and it became the stuff films are made of - actually. One Paperclip is a book and a film produced by Dreamworks. Seems only fitting.


Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.

I had back-to-back group coaching calls all day. I was coaching people on emotional resilience and the way to alter their thinking and it wasn’t until 4:30 p.m. that I was able to check my messages.

“Kim, my name is Daniel and I am calling from the City of Vaughan Tax Department. I am calling you regarding the taxes for your house. I will be at the office until 3:30 p.m. today. Here is my number; can you please call me back today or tomorrow?”

The tax department? What did I do wrong? Did I owe them? Did I forget a bill? Did my taxes increase? It was too late to call him back on that day. I wrote myself a note and left it near my computer to call him up the next morning. That night I went home and got trapped in the frantic pace of normal life: dinner, curriculum night, homework, journal reading, tuck-ins, and bed. I forgot about the tax man.

The following morning, within 2 minutes of reaching the workplace, the phone rang.

“Oh hi, I am glad you called.” I responded when I recognized that it was Daniel following up.

“You are? Why?”

“You were on my list of people to call today and you just called me instead. Thank you.” I think he was shocked.

“I am calling regarding the taxes for your house.”

“Okay, what’s up?”

“You gave us instructions to go ahead with pre-authorized payment…”

“Yes, I did, is there a problem with my credit card?”

“No certainly not. In July you sent us a cheque and now we have this extra $2,100. What would you like us to do with it?”

“Are you telling me that the tax department owes me some money???”

“Yes Ma’am.”

I was floored. It was just like winning the lottery. The sky had suddenly opened up and dropped a gift on my head.

“How would you like us to take care of that for you Ma’am?”

“Would it help if you sent me a cheque?” I asked, still in surprise.

“Yes, that’s what I will do; I’ll send you a cheque.”

In all my life, I'd never heard of the tax department calling anyone to provide them money. Talk about needing to improve my thinking! All day long, every single day I advise people that what you focus on grows. In fact, I even wrote a book with that title! Here was a basic illustration of my own coaching techniques coming to life in my world - and I was still blown away!

Here’s how it works… whenever you expect great things to happen, they do. When you welcome incredible gifts, they show up. When you glow with gratitude for everything, more things that are really easy to appreciate unexpectedly show up. What’s it all about? Your Frame of Mind. There is no other more powerful tool for creating wonderful things in your life.


Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.

Yesterday, I went to Best Buy to shop for a TV. I barely watch TV, but I decided that I wanted one for my bedroom so that I could watch movies snuggled up in bed with my kids. I did not need a fancy one - just a basic, 20 inch TV with a DVD player. In making my choice, I had a few considerations - it must fit in the car and I had to be able to carry it up the stairs to my bedroom.

The Best Buy staff helped me put it into the front passenger seat of my car and demonstrated how to get it out when I got home. When I arrived, I backed up into my drive way and stopped with half of the car inside the garage so it would be much easier to carry into the house. I opened the door wide and pulled it out exactly like they demonstrated. I was alright - I had a good grip and even though box was extra-large, the weight felt manageable. As I moved towards the house, my foot got trapped and I tripped, falling flat onto my knees with the TV. OUCH! The pain was sharp and I was in serious agony. I was not sure I was going to be able to get up but after about a minute I not only got up but proceeded to move the TV into the house.

For a few brief moments, the pain felt like it vanished. And it was not until I sat down that my knees started to throb and swell. I called the people close to me to talk about my experience and warn them regarding the massive bruising that was bound appear in the morning. I told them I was sure to be black and blue in no time and that given the fall and the pain, it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. I received all kinds of suggestions: place ice on it, take anti-inflammatory treatment, have a drink. I had a drink and I went to bed early, raising my knees to an elevated position with a set of pillows.

I woke up in the morning to discover that the sharp pain had become a frequent, dull ache with high sensitivity to touch. I prepared myself as I lifted my pant leg to look at the bruising.

No bruising.

No bruising?!!! What do you mean no bruising?!!!I'm in pain! I experienced a very hard fall! I have to have bruising! Otherwise I do not have proof - proof of injury, proof of pain.

That’s what we do - we hang on to our injuries and embellish our pain. We transform it into a story, a drama, even an entire soap opera. We feed the agony, we water it, we develop it, and then make it a big deal so that we can have proof. Proof that will solicit concern from others. Proof that will cause them to take interest in us and be kind, and gentle, and understanding. Proof that will allow us to connect with people on an emotional level and enable us to feel fulfilled. It’s a quick fix simply because the truth is that people get sick of hearing about pain and agony over the long run - it is absolutely not a solid strategy for long term connectivity.

I laughed at myself when I realized how silly I was being. My thoughts quickly turned to gratitude that I would not be displaying any bruising next week in Florida by the pool. I decided that a unique form of proof was in order - proof of joy, proof of fun, proof of relaxation, proof of peace and happiness. This, I decided, is a far better approach to connect, one that will last a lifetime.


Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.

It’s been more than a year now and people have been asking me what it is like to be remarried, especially now that I have a total of five kids.

Perhaps my journal entry is the best way to describe it…

Over the past month or so I have been feeling great. I have just been happy about life, about my partner, about all of our kids, about work, and about some of the personal initiatives I've begun to implement. But this weekend, it was different. I was tired, irritated, and disappointed with ‘stuff’. With each of the kids wanting a bit of me, I felt drawn in 3 million directions. The house was a mess, no one was helping, and I did not have a few minutes of my own time to even scratch my head.

The previous day, my neighbour and I had made a decision to have a yard sale. Side by side garage sales meant a bigger crowd and more sales. At about mid-morning, I took my 14-year-old son, Louis, over to my neighbor’s house to see what they had for sale. Tucked away, he noticed a big purple marionette and decided he had to have it. I attempted to dissuade him; after all was not the purpose of a yard sale to help reduce our junk, not trade it in for more? He didn't let it out of his sight and at the end of the day, with $4 in his hand, he went to make his purchase. The moment he got home, his 16-year-old stepbrother, Jonathan, saw this puppet and had to get one too. Fortunately there was one left. He scrounged up all his change and they accepted the deal for 3 dollars and 85 cents. It was an ostrich and Jonathan instantly called him Ollie.

Two grown boys - both taller than me -walking around with marionettes. Fun.

Within seconds, Jonathan’s brothers, Brian and Michael, were fighting with each other for the puppet. They offered him progressively higher bids to buy it from him. $5, $10, $12, $15, $20!!! It would have been a great gain on his investment - but he refused their offers. He made a concession, however and permitted them to play with it in his absence. That night he had a date with his girlfriend so the two boys were able to play with it for the evening.

In a war over who got to play with it first, the ostrich puppet strings got destroyed. They made an effort to fix it, but it just wasn’t the same. The next day, Michael had about four friends over to study for exams. The ostrich had been left on Michael’s bed in his room, and without any consideration to what was on the bed, one of his friends plopped himself down and crunched the bird. Poor Ollie.

When Jonathan saw the state of his Ostrich the next day, he flipped out. “I can’t believe you did this to Ollie! You don’t take care of anything! You are both disrespectful and careless! I will never lend you anything again! You owe me $3.85!”

He ranted for around 40 minutes, when at last, he pulled out a piece of paper and demanded that they sign a pledge that they would not touch his things again.

They refused.

Then he proceeded to ask his dad to sign on their behalf. They were under legal signing age anyways and he thought he needed legal consent.

His dad refused.

At this time, Jonathan was straddling the line between being mad and being a stand-up comedian. He said, “Fine. I will sign it for you.” He wrote the word ‘Daddy’ on the lines beside Brian and Michael’s names.

“You can’t sign my name,” Allan protested. “That is forgery!”

The moment Brian heard the term “forgery”, he determined that it was a criminal offense and called 911.

Although he hung up a split-second after dialing, he was shocked to learn that a police officer had been dispatched to our place to check out the “Ostrich Incident.” The police officer was hard put not to laugh when he heard the entire story, but he put on a stern face and educated the kids, all of whom were sitting apprehensively in a row on the living room couch, about the proper use of the 9-1-1 emergency service.

Later that night, as we sat around the dinner table talking about how that episode would have made for good T.V., the kids were rather contrite and agreed to help out more at home and concentrate just a little more on being considerate towards the people around them. They ALL helped in the kitchen afterwards - one wiping the table, one washing, one loading the dishwasher, one on Tupperware duty, etc... We worked like a well-oiled machine and it felt fantastic. Nobody left the kitchen until it was ALL done.

My grumpiness had evaporated, and all it took was an ostrich.


Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.

He kept it in his back pack, tucked away securely to read on the plane. It was a precious gift that he was saving for the perfect moment, right after takeoff. It was a plane letter given to him a day earlier by his girlfriend. He was anxious to read it. They had just celebrated their one year anniversary.

While we sat, waiting for our departure, Jonathan our 16 year old son, shared how he could not wait to read the plane letter that Cori, his girlfriend, had written for him.

“When did she give it to you?” I asked.

“Yesterday.”

“And you still haven’t read it?” I thought that he must have taken at least a fast peek.

“Kim, it is a plane letter, I'm supposed to read it on the plane.”

“But we’re in the airport, isn’t that close enough?”

“No Kim. The idea is that the person who receives the plane letter must read it after there's isn’t any chance of contact with the person who wrote it.” He tried patiently to clarify the concept.

“Why should you be out of contact?” I did not get it. Simply because they consider it a plane letter, doesn’t imply that there’s a law created that says you have to read it on the plane.

“So that in case she writes something, um, personal, then I can't pick-up the phone and call her immediately after reading it. There needs to be a settlement period.”

Ah... the rules of engagement.

“But aren’t you wondering?” Most likely my curiosity was more than his.

“Yes, I'm, very much so.”

“So can’t you just read it now? How will she know when you look at it anyway? She’s not here.”

“Kim, it is a plane letter. I have to read it on the plane.” I was told.

The flight was delayed. We sat and waited for more info.

We were told that due to mechanical issues we had to keep waiting until they're set. I was grateful that the mechanical problems were going to be addressed before we got onto the plane. We continued to wait patiently.

Then the flight was cancelled. And now, because of very bad weather conditions, there was not a single flight heading to Ft. Lauderdale, the departure point for our cruise. We were told that we missed the boat.

No boat, no plane, no plane letter. They put us up at a hotel for the night and scheduled a flight the following day. I could not fully grasp why there weren’t exceptions to the plane letter rule.

“But your flight was cancelled, you can take a look at it now. I am sure that Cori would likely understand.” I thought that he would cave in and take a look at the letter. To no avail – he held out.

The next morning we're back at the gate way in the terminal.

“So did you read the letter, Jonathan?”

“Kim, it is a PLANE letter. I must wait until I’m on the plane.”

“Do you want me to read it for you?”

“No thanks, I will wait.” I was amazed at his resolve. The rules were the rules and there was no way that he'd break them. He honored the plane letter until the moment was right.

Onto the plane we went and a few minutes before takeoff I fell asleep. The minute I woke up I asked the question, “Did you read her letter?”

His ear-to-ear smile supplied the answer.

“Was it actually worth the wait?”

“It was worth every minute.” He responded with 100 percent certainty.

I was amazed at how a sixteen year old boy could have much calm and patience. I was even more amazed at how much he even enjoyed the wait. He knew it would be good. He did not have to force the issue or hurry the process. He expected it to rock his world and it did. All in good time was the lesson he taught me. All in good time.



Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Start your own free, personal, online journal at www.frameofmindcoaching.com.