My OperaIs the Grass Greener?
Sunday, November 13, 2011 8:03:42 AM
I coach lots of people who're in a state of dissatisfaction with something in their lives.
Their marriages are not what they used to be, their jobs are definitely not what they imagined, their children are not behaving with respect, and they wonder just what it would be like to live a completely different life. They just imagine themselves in another place - with a different spouse, or without a partner all together, living in a different house or a different country, going to a totally different job, and living without the daily obligation of taking care of their kids. They look at people who live this way and they feel left out with their lot in life.
This just isn't what they imagined for themselves when they were younger. They thought it would be a lot more satisfying, more fascinating, and far less average. The gap between what they thought and what they are, in fact, going through is way too important to ignore.
So they start to look at their options. Get divorced? Have an affair? Find a new career? Sell their place? Get a motorcycle? Not only does the search begin, but so does the experimenting with substances, gambling, thrill seeking activities, and outside sexual adventures on the search for more ‘passion and affection’. For a time, it breaks up the monotony and injects a little bit of spice into their daily routine. They feel much younger again and full of vigour yet still something is lacking. After a short while they find themselves disenchanted all over again. They do not fully understand why the new job did not succeed or the affair did not last or the motorcycle didn’tgive them the thrill they were seeking for any extended time.
Here is the remedy... when people walk over to the other area where the grass is greener,there is something that follows them... themselves. And this is unavoidable. So they become mystified, upset, and in a fog about where they are, where they have come from and which path to take from here. They don’t know that if they don’t actually address their frame of mind, their problems go along with them everywhere they go. They keep chasing after some elusive thing that doesn’t actually exist out there but rather exists from one’s own thinking and mindset. If one lives a life of purpose, whatever that means, disappointment and discontentment are far away. You actually do not need to change your home or your car or your partner in order to experience passion or meaning. You have to come to the table equipped with enough of it so that you can also spread it around.
The key lesson is this... the grass in NEVER greener anywhere else. The grass, anywhere you are, is just as green as your own passion, meaning, and vision allow it to be. If your own grass just isn't as green as you would like it to be, understand that it’s a function of the lens you're looking through. If you really want to enjoy a different life, before you make a major switch, try to change your lens first. Put in the effort that's needed to feel passionate, despite circumstances. Pick up the set of skills that enables you to use your mental capacity to create the life which you’ve always desired.
Is it actually worth it? You can spend a life-time looking for greener pastures only to continue to find them in somebody else’s backyard or find a way to be a better gardener and grow the greenest grass in your area! You decide.
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to assess your frame of mind and sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.
Their marriages are not what they used to be, their jobs are definitely not what they imagined, their children are not behaving with respect, and they wonder just what it would be like to live a completely different life. They just imagine themselves in another place - with a different spouse, or without a partner all together, living in a different house or a different country, going to a totally different job, and living without the daily obligation of taking care of their kids. They look at people who live this way and they feel left out with their lot in life.
This just isn't what they imagined for themselves when they were younger. They thought it would be a lot more satisfying, more fascinating, and far less average. The gap between what they thought and what they are, in fact, going through is way too important to ignore.
So they start to look at their options. Get divorced? Have an affair? Find a new career? Sell their place? Get a motorcycle? Not only does the search begin, but so does the experimenting with substances, gambling, thrill seeking activities, and outside sexual adventures on the search for more ‘passion and affection’. For a time, it breaks up the monotony and injects a little bit of spice into their daily routine. They feel much younger again and full of vigour yet still something is lacking. After a short while they find themselves disenchanted all over again. They do not fully understand why the new job did not succeed or the affair did not last or the motorcycle didn’tgive them the thrill they were seeking for any extended time.
Here is the remedy... when people walk over to the other area where the grass is greener,there is something that follows them... themselves. And this is unavoidable. So they become mystified, upset, and in a fog about where they are, where they have come from and which path to take from here. They don’t know that if they don’t actually address their frame of mind, their problems go along with them everywhere they go. They keep chasing after some elusive thing that doesn’t actually exist out there but rather exists from one’s own thinking and mindset. If one lives a life of purpose, whatever that means, disappointment and discontentment are far away. You actually do not need to change your home or your car or your partner in order to experience passion or meaning. You have to come to the table equipped with enough of it so that you can also spread it around.
The key lesson is this... the grass in NEVER greener anywhere else. The grass, anywhere you are, is just as green as your own passion, meaning, and vision allow it to be. If your own grass just isn't as green as you would like it to be, understand that it’s a function of the lens you're looking through. If you really want to enjoy a different life, before you make a major switch, try to change your lens first. Put in the effort that's needed to feel passionate, despite circumstances. Pick up the set of skills that enables you to use your mental capacity to create the life which you’ve always desired.
Is it actually worth it? You can spend a life-time looking for greener pastures only to continue to find them in somebody else’s backyard or find a way to be a better gardener and grow the greenest grass in your area! You decide.
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to assess your frame of mind and sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.
