My OperaI’m Experiencing Relationship Problems but He Does Not Know…
Thursday, December 8, 2011 10:07:43 AM
That is the thing we do as women - whenever something happens to elicit pain, misunderstanding, disappointment or hurt - we keep it in and wait for them to ask what’s wrong.
It is the way we were raised. It’s exactly how our mothers did it. We struggle tooth and nail to discover a different solution and quite often come up empty handed.
“I need much more understanding, much more support, much more affection, more compassion, much more attention, more assistance around the house, simply more!” And when we do not get what we desire, we feel empty, deserted, and stung. We do notfully understand how he can respond in such a selfish manner after all we've done for him. We wonder what we did to make him feel it was alright to turn around and see the football game when we were in the middle of a meltdown. “Doesn’t he worry about me? And why don’t my needs count?” Then we get angry and turned off and stop having sex. It’s not that we don’t want to have sex but we would like it in a way that makes us feel adored and valued and totally and utterly loved - and they simply just want to have sex.
Your needs do matter and it is up to you to make sure they're fulfilled - not him. That is the root of the problem in a nutshell. We defer to men to satisfy us, to please us, and to make us happy. And it’s not their job - it’s ours. Except that we aren't trained for the task. It’s like being a doctor without a medical diploma and expecting to be able to operate without a hitch.
So what do we do? Well, first we identify the pattern and take a sigh of relief discovering that there is a way out. Second, we take responsibility for our own happiness and close the routine of self sacrifice and self pity in exchange for self care and joy. Third, we take an active role in making ourselves the priority in our own lives and doing the things which make us happy. The approach of journaling is huge in helping to work through it all - no matter which side of the coin you’re on. Write it out and then start to use the forum to create the life you would prefer in your ideal world. You definitely will come to see it materialize before your eyes.
Here's the magic… the greatest gift you can give to other person is your own happiness . And the very best gift you can give to your partner is the relief of knowing that he isn't to blame for your mood! Not to mention just how turned on he will be seeing you writhe with the pleasure of your own self-love.
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to assess your frame of mind and sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.
It is the way we were raised. It’s exactly how our mothers did it. We struggle tooth and nail to discover a different solution and quite often come up empty handed.
“I need much more understanding, much more support, much more affection, more compassion, much more attention, more assistance around the house, simply more!” And when we do not get what we desire, we feel empty, deserted, and stung. We do notfully understand how he can respond in such a selfish manner after all we've done for him. We wonder what we did to make him feel it was alright to turn around and see the football game when we were in the middle of a meltdown. “Doesn’t he worry about me? And why don’t my needs count?” Then we get angry and turned off and stop having sex. It’s not that we don’t want to have sex but we would like it in a way that makes us feel adored and valued and totally and utterly loved - and they simply just want to have sex.
Your needs do matter and it is up to you to make sure they're fulfilled - not him. That is the root of the problem in a nutshell. We defer to men to satisfy us, to please us, and to make us happy. And it’s not their job - it’s ours. Except that we aren't trained for the task. It’s like being a doctor without a medical diploma and expecting to be able to operate without a hitch.
So what do we do? Well, first we identify the pattern and take a sigh of relief discovering that there is a way out. Second, we take responsibility for our own happiness and close the routine of self sacrifice and self pity in exchange for self care and joy. Third, we take an active role in making ourselves the priority in our own lives and doing the things which make us happy. The approach of journaling is huge in helping to work through it all - no matter which side of the coin you’re on. Write it out and then start to use the forum to create the life you would prefer in your ideal world. You definitely will come to see it materialize before your eyes.
Here's the magic… the greatest gift you can give to other person is your own happiness . And the very best gift you can give to your partner is the relief of knowing that he isn't to blame for your mood! Not to mention just how turned on he will be seeing you writhe with the pleasure of your own self-love.
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to assess your frame of mind and sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.
