My OperaTap Away!
Thursday, December 22, 2011 4:04:12 AM
I know it slipped. I know that it is not what he intended to say, however it came out anyway. He was upset and maybe a bit tired. Our youngest son Brian revealed his true sentiments about relationships as he uttered the words which are likely spot on for a good portion of the population…
“It is hard to be nice.”
He was referring to being nice to his brothers. It’s not easy to be nice when they are irritating and disturbing. It is especially not easy to be nice when they’re tapping on the table or tapping on their legs or tapping on the back of a chair. He cannot stand their tapping. They are drummers and they like to tap, but Brian insists that they do it purposely, simply to bother him, and it drives him totally insane.
“Stop!” he cries. “I cannot stand it! Why don’t you do it when I am not here?”
The tapping annoyed him so much that he worked himself into a frenzy, “Don’t you notice that I have a throbbing headache?”
At times the tapping affects him so immensely that it results in physical fights with his brothers.
His brothers simply like to tap. Not for any specific reason other than they actually have a rhythm in their heads which needs to be expressed. It brings them happiness. In their minds, they don’t do it to bother Brian (although that might be a bonus); they do it simply because they can’t help it. It is natural. And after all, they have a right to tap. They are not loud. Actually, they're absolutely silent. I honestly couldn’t hear them. The only way that I became aware of the tapping was that I looked and saw their hands moving. Brian was annoyed by the movement, not really the noise. He decided it was a personal affront and the more it bothered him, it seemed, the more they tapped. It was a bad circle and it was time for some mindset coaching.
In the Frame of Mind Coaching process, my clients often bring exactly the same coaching question to me…
“What do I do when something that someone else does drives me mad?”
The answer goes like this. Nothing that anyone else does can drive you mad unless you decide to concentrate on it and allow it to drive you nuts. So, decide to pay attention to something that doesn’t drive you nuts. In fact, pay attention to something that brings you pleasure. You don’t even need a whole lot of emotional resilience to convert your attention to something else and start to concentrate on that. Turn your head. Look with your eyes and enjoy all of the beautiful things that surround you. Daydream if you need to. It’s your responsibility to take care of the way you feel and when you find something that troubles you and you focus on it to the exclusion of everything else, you are using that thing as an excuse for your agony. It’s all up to you and you get to decide what it is that you are focused on.
So, I'm working with Brian to assist him in changing his thinking. Do not focus on them. Look out the window. Do something else. Sing a song, read a book, call a friend, eat a sandwich. The less you see them tapping, the less they will tap. There are certain things that just need a little time…
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Start your own gratitude journal at www.frameofmindcoaching.com.
“It is hard to be nice.”
He was referring to being nice to his brothers. It’s not easy to be nice when they are irritating and disturbing. It is especially not easy to be nice when they’re tapping on the table or tapping on their legs or tapping on the back of a chair. He cannot stand their tapping. They are drummers and they like to tap, but Brian insists that they do it purposely, simply to bother him, and it drives him totally insane.
“Stop!” he cries. “I cannot stand it! Why don’t you do it when I am not here?”
The tapping annoyed him so much that he worked himself into a frenzy, “Don’t you notice that I have a throbbing headache?”
At times the tapping affects him so immensely that it results in physical fights with his brothers.
His brothers simply like to tap. Not for any specific reason other than they actually have a rhythm in their heads which needs to be expressed. It brings them happiness. In their minds, they don’t do it to bother Brian (although that might be a bonus); they do it simply because they can’t help it. It is natural. And after all, they have a right to tap. They are not loud. Actually, they're absolutely silent. I honestly couldn’t hear them. The only way that I became aware of the tapping was that I looked and saw their hands moving. Brian was annoyed by the movement, not really the noise. He decided it was a personal affront and the more it bothered him, it seemed, the more they tapped. It was a bad circle and it was time for some mindset coaching.
In the Frame of Mind Coaching process, my clients often bring exactly the same coaching question to me…
“What do I do when something that someone else does drives me mad?”
The answer goes like this. Nothing that anyone else does can drive you mad unless you decide to concentrate on it and allow it to drive you nuts. So, decide to pay attention to something that doesn’t drive you nuts. In fact, pay attention to something that brings you pleasure. You don’t even need a whole lot of emotional resilience to convert your attention to something else and start to concentrate on that. Turn your head. Look with your eyes and enjoy all of the beautiful things that surround you. Daydream if you need to. It’s your responsibility to take care of the way you feel and when you find something that troubles you and you focus on it to the exclusion of everything else, you are using that thing as an excuse for your agony. It’s all up to you and you get to decide what it is that you are focused on.
So, I'm working with Brian to assist him in changing his thinking. Do not focus on them. Look out the window. Do something else. Sing a song, read a book, call a friend, eat a sandwich. The less you see them tapping, the less they will tap. There are certain things that just need a little time…
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Start your own gratitude journal at www.frameofmindcoaching.com.
