My OperaMy Kid Has a Bad Attitude and it has to Change!
Thursday, February 16, 2012 3:59:31 PM
I coach lots of people who have kids who do not appear to be living up to their parent’s expectations.
Here are a couple of the things I hear:
“I have an 8-year-old son and when things do not go his way, he pouts. It drives me nuts. I tried talking to him regarding it but it really doesn’t help.”
“My kid shouts and screams until he gets his way.”
“My son is really a good volleyball player. After his games, all he does is concentrate on how he screwed up. He beats himself up over it. I am worried that his negative thoughts will affect him later in life. When he is playing and he messes up, I already know what our talk after the game will be like.”
“My daughter is just like her father. It’s often doom and gloom and I do not know how to change it. She thinks things not to work out.”
“My son is lazy. He doesn’t work very hard. He has everything handed to him on a silver platter. I am worried that he’s going to grow up and not know how to earn a living.”
“My daughter is always so worried about how she looks. She usually spends hours in front of the mirror every day. And she's on the phone all the time. She is so easily influenced by her friends. I am worried that she might end up on the wrong side of the tracks and get into trouble.”
They go to me for advice on how to fix their children. The truth is… nothing is wrong with their children. What they must fix is their own thinking.
Here is how it works:
What you focus on grows. What you see before you is what keeps materializing. What you concentrate on becomes your reality. And this applies to your kids.
Whenever you concentrate on your child’s pouting and have a ‘talk’ with your child relating to this behavior, it becomes a point of interest and it grows. The pouting becomes worse as a result. When you pay attention to how your daughter is always pessimistic, her pessimism does not lift, it just has a bigger bite. When you observe and worry about your son’s tendency to beat himself up over a mistake or a failure, that tendency does not reduce, it simply goes deeper. The real issue is not what your kids are doing or not doing. The issue is what YOU are focusing on.
So here is the magical secret about parenting: focus on the characteristics of your children that you actually want to see - and your focus will help them to expand. Focus on the moments when your child is showing all the behaviors, abilities, talents, values, and traits that you want her or him to have and make a big deal out of those moments. That is the time to have a ‘talk’ with your child to tell him how wonderful he is. When he feels wonderful, his wonderful characteristics automatically grow.
The key is to see what you want to see in your kids and see what they want you to see about them. Fixing your children is actually a function of fixing you. Start thinking about them in a different way and the results will be huge.
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.
Here are a couple of the things I hear:
“I have an 8-year-old son and when things do not go his way, he pouts. It drives me nuts. I tried talking to him regarding it but it really doesn’t help.”
“My kid shouts and screams until he gets his way.”
“My son is really a good volleyball player. After his games, all he does is concentrate on how he screwed up. He beats himself up over it. I am worried that his negative thoughts will affect him later in life. When he is playing and he messes up, I already know what our talk after the game will be like.”
“My daughter is just like her father. It’s often doom and gloom and I do not know how to change it. She thinks things not to work out.”
“My son is lazy. He doesn’t work very hard. He has everything handed to him on a silver platter. I am worried that he’s going to grow up and not know how to earn a living.”
“My daughter is always so worried about how she looks. She usually spends hours in front of the mirror every day. And she's on the phone all the time. She is so easily influenced by her friends. I am worried that she might end up on the wrong side of the tracks and get into trouble.”
They go to me for advice on how to fix their children. The truth is… nothing is wrong with their children. What they must fix is their own thinking.
Here is how it works:
What you focus on grows. What you see before you is what keeps materializing. What you concentrate on becomes your reality. And this applies to your kids.
Whenever you concentrate on your child’s pouting and have a ‘talk’ with your child relating to this behavior, it becomes a point of interest and it grows. The pouting becomes worse as a result. When you pay attention to how your daughter is always pessimistic, her pessimism does not lift, it just has a bigger bite. When you observe and worry about your son’s tendency to beat himself up over a mistake or a failure, that tendency does not reduce, it simply goes deeper. The real issue is not what your kids are doing or not doing. The issue is what YOU are focusing on.
So here is the magical secret about parenting: focus on the characteristics of your children that you actually want to see - and your focus will help them to expand. Focus on the moments when your child is showing all the behaviors, abilities, talents, values, and traits that you want her or him to have and make a big deal out of those moments. That is the time to have a ‘talk’ with your child to tell him how wonderful he is. When he feels wonderful, his wonderful characteristics automatically grow.
The key is to see what you want to see in your kids and see what they want you to see about them. Fixing your children is actually a function of fixing you. Start thinking about them in a different way and the results will be huge.
Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal.
