Kazuki's diary

Stop blaming

The fourth and most powerful root of negative feelings is to blame something or someone else for your problems.

Always remember that the word blame comes from words be-lame. When you blame some one else for your problems, you give the powers over your problems to the person you blame. By being lame, you volunteer yourself to be the victim. You are the lame victim, and they have more power than you.

My rich dad often said, "There are no victims. There are only volunteers. When you blame, you volunteer to be someone else's victim."

Rich dad also said, "You do not have to make someone else wrong to make yourself right."

Here's a good example of blame: "The reason I chose this horrible car is because the salesman at the other car lot was rude. I was pressured into it."

Rather than make the salesman wrong, simply say, "I chose this car because this is the car I wanted. I didn't do my homework and chose the wrong car."

Making people wrong does not make you right, and doing so diminishes your personal power.

Solution:

Take responsibility. Immediately say to yourself:

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[*]"I am responsible." This statement pulls you out of the victim role. This statement puts you as cause of the situation, even if you may not realize how you are at cause at the moment. And when identify the cause of your situation, you can then find the solution.

[*]"I like myself." Again, this statement puts you back in touch with you. It begins to rebuild your relationship with you. This is important because we are often our own hardest critics.

When you use pronoun "I", it sends a message to your subconscious mind saying, "Listen up, I am about to say something important to myself." Think of the pronoun "I" as a lightening rod from you to your subconscious mind. In other words, be very careful when you use "I" when you talk to yourself or to anyone else. There is a difference between people who say:

"I hate myself."

"I'm fat."

And who say:

"I like myself."

"I'm responsible."

Take control of what you say about yourself and what you say to yourself.

[*]Take a deep breath. Believe it or not, the way we breathe can negatively or positively impact our health and our emotions. Our breath begins the release of negative thoughts and emotions from your bodies. You may notice that people often hold their breath when afraid. Unfortunately, holding your breath may keep inside you the things you want out.

[*]Look for a lesson or gem of wisdom. Most people hate making mistakes. Yet, making mistakes is often how we learn. Often when we are angry, that means a mistake was made and that a wise and valuable lesson is available for your personal growth. If we simply blame others or ourselves for our mistakes, rather than take responsibility and strive to learn from them, we fail to find the gem of wisdom imbedded in the mistake.

It may take awhile to find the gem of wisdom, but if you keep an open mind, the gem will appear - and maybe even change your life.

[*]One finger points forward and three point back to you. When you point an accusatory finger and blame someone else, you should remember that three fingers are pointing back to you. Think of those three fingers pointing back at you as lessons you could be learning instead of placing blame elsewhere.

[*]Gratitude. Once you find the gem of wisdom or learn the lesson in a problem, then it becomes easier to be grateful for your mistakes, and even for the person you ware blaming. Blame can and should be converted to healing and gratitude, an appreciation for the person you are blaming being in your life. In other words, the person you are upset with may be just reflection of you, a messenger with a very important message for you.

I'm convinced that blame is the root of all negative emotions. Once you can stop blaming, sit quietly, and learn the lessons each situation has for you. Blame can be replaced with gratitude, but only after you stop being lame and blaming others. When blame morphs into gratitude, you can move on with your life - and be happier, healthier, and wealthier.
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Robert Kiyosaki
to be continued...