My OperaLots or none?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 2:54:58 PM
Coming out of class this afternoon, I was deeply overwhelmed by a vague sense of sadness. Mental distress has been hanging over my head for the last 5 weeks since that gloomy rainy day. But today it was not loneliness and spiritual wounds that suffused me. It was the voice of a cold stone heart.
For the past 2 days I was over the moon, as I landed a precious chance to put my English into real-life use. Communicating in the language kisses away all pains and suffering and simultaneously bring about an irresistible yearn for continuation. Once my buttons are pushed, it's hard to call it a day. But that was not the whole story.
During our picnic yesterday I was occasionally caught accompanying her side by side. In actual fact, upon her I did have a crush at the beginning of my university life. The way she smiled and eyed drove me crazy all along. But in retrospect, it was merely infatuation that surged up. No real affection ever existed. But on that day when we were together, something did surge up again.
Walking side by side all around the history museum and all the way from Tu Du hospital to the 23-9 park, we had a huge whale of time. Though our legs were groaning for all the hard work they were put to, we made our way to the final destination in the course of time. Though dead on my feet, I treasured the brief 3-minute walk from the park to the Jooz ba English Club nearby, for it was in this fleeting journey that for the first time our palms met. I was overcome with warmth, but also with anxiety, for there was a real lot going on inside.
I went through a harsh experience roughly 5 weeks ago, when the end of a winding road was stunningly reached all of a sudden. My tears had been stinging my eyes. That gloomy rainy day came like a merciless lightning from the blue. I remained in the dumps for 2 weeks, then things began to look up. It was no end of the world. Why try to salvage something which had already fallen out from the rocks? Why pour so much time and energy and money and weeping into something that was not worth it at all? Sleeping on it for some time, I took the plunge and decided to let it be. That person no longer woes me in sleep, when nightly darkness covers the lonely soul. Bygones are bygones which will forever be bygones. But the warmth of the palms aroused hard thinking.
I cannot stick my neck out and claim I like her, for in fact I don't. She's the type of person who compared to me is completely different kettle of fish. She is sociable. She's into sports. She kicks the ball with joy. She's calm in her acts. She's soft in her speech. She knows a lot. She has the initiative. She's born with a gift for leadership. She really stands out. That's only my subjective picture of her. I have never had much time working with her, though we were in the same club. I never actually held a quality conversation with her, though we face almost every day. But she is a strong-willed lady. I can never measure up.
The 3-minute hand-hold was pleasant, but after that things went more or less back to normal. No particular emotion is stirred up when she is in sight. I cherish her lovely smile and that's all. There's simply no feeling at all. None was going inside. I have been undergoing a state of mental discomfort. My heart feels icy. It does not seem to beat up, or heat up, or haste up. It stays strangely calm. I really have to be frank with myself. I cannot afford to adopt a wrong move. The best bet may be to let time do its job. Time is a great teller.
Life is no bed of roses, isn't it? Ties are to be either loosened or strengthened. What tomorrow could bring is definitely anyone's guess. There's no time like the present. Let's value the valuable.
For the past 2 days I was over the moon, as I landed a precious chance to put my English into real-life use. Communicating in the language kisses away all pains and suffering and simultaneously bring about an irresistible yearn for continuation. Once my buttons are pushed, it's hard to call it a day. But that was not the whole story.
During our picnic yesterday I was occasionally caught accompanying her side by side. In actual fact, upon her I did have a crush at the beginning of my university life. The way she smiled and eyed drove me crazy all along. But in retrospect, it was merely infatuation that surged up. No real affection ever existed. But on that day when we were together, something did surge up again.
Walking side by side all around the history museum and all the way from Tu Du hospital to the 23-9 park, we had a huge whale of time. Though our legs were groaning for all the hard work they were put to, we made our way to the final destination in the course of time. Though dead on my feet, I treasured the brief 3-minute walk from the park to the Jooz ba English Club nearby, for it was in this fleeting journey that for the first time our palms met. I was overcome with warmth, but also with anxiety, for there was a real lot going on inside.
I went through a harsh experience roughly 5 weeks ago, when the end of a winding road was stunningly reached all of a sudden. My tears had been stinging my eyes. That gloomy rainy day came like a merciless lightning from the blue. I remained in the dumps for 2 weeks, then things began to look up. It was no end of the world. Why try to salvage something which had already fallen out from the rocks? Why pour so much time and energy and money and weeping into something that was not worth it at all? Sleeping on it for some time, I took the plunge and decided to let it be. That person no longer woes me in sleep, when nightly darkness covers the lonely soul. Bygones are bygones which will forever be bygones. But the warmth of the palms aroused hard thinking.
I cannot stick my neck out and claim I like her, for in fact I don't. She's the type of person who compared to me is completely different kettle of fish. She is sociable. She's into sports. She kicks the ball with joy. She's calm in her acts. She's soft in her speech. She knows a lot. She has the initiative. She's born with a gift for leadership. She really stands out. That's only my subjective picture of her. I have never had much time working with her, though we were in the same club. I never actually held a quality conversation with her, though we face almost every day. But she is a strong-willed lady. I can never measure up.
The 3-minute hand-hold was pleasant, but after that things went more or less back to normal. No particular emotion is stirred up when she is in sight. I cherish her lovely smile and that's all. There's simply no feeling at all. None was going inside. I have been undergoing a state of mental discomfort. My heart feels icy. It does not seem to beat up, or heat up, or haste up. It stays strangely calm. I really have to be frank with myself. I cannot afford to adopt a wrong move. The best bet may be to let time do its job. Time is a great teller.
Life is no bed of roses, isn't it? Ties are to be either loosened or strengthened. What tomorrow could bring is definitely anyone's guess. There's no time like the present. Let's value the valuable.
