Thames - A Personal Notebook

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Picture: Courtesy of Wikipedia

Question! (somewhat tongue-in-cheek) Do you think that that the powers-that-be got this right?
For my part I consider that this *thing* to be some kind of joke, hoax, or nineteenth century scam. I can't accept it as being real. Study it carefully for a moment. What has a refugee from a Victorian back garden got to do with the river? To make matters worse, I see the work of two different sculptors here.. Every time I look at it I see two different techniques and I am now quite convinced that the kegs and parcels started off in life as intended rocks.
So, let's forget all the official explanations and try the story this way. We can accept that it made its' way to The Great Exhibition at the Crystal Palace in 1851. Portland concrete was an innovative material then and would be just the thing to include in the show. To fill a corner, a purchasing agent was commissioned to search for a concrete something to stir the Victorian imagination and something that should represent the 'Mighty Thames'. The corner wasn't too large and he promptly forgot about it.
At the same time, Fred Bloggs, a struggling young sculptor, was busy working on his version of a 'Poseidon', in the new material, and he was busily hewing this out of a concrete test block which he had 'acquired'. He had completed the figure and was about to start on the rocks. Having reached this milestone, he went out to celebrate and imbibed a little more than he should. The following morning, still hazy, he returned to his workpiece, raised his mallet and with a strong blow, mashed his chisel hand.
Meanwhile, time was ticking on and the agent was suddenly jolted into action by a request for the dimensions of the 'piece'. In a blind panic, he headed for the nearest inn and as luck would have it, overheard the conversation as to what happened to poor Fred. Determining the details he quickly found a reasonably sober Italian sculptor who agreed to finish the work. After quite a number of bottles of good vino the creation was complete (well, reasonably so). The *thing* was duly installed in its' corner and here, our agent, with a flash of insight, had a funeral mason inscribe "Thames" on the base. Honour was satisfied, monies were paid and the corner was filled.
The visitors visited, marvelled, scratched their heads and said,
"What in the blue blazes has this thing got to do with the Thames?
Time moved on and after the Crystal Palace burnt down it was found that unfortunately, the *thing* was relatively unscathed. However, it was quite clear that because "Thames" was clearly written on it, the then Thames Conservancy was presented with it in 1956. After a quick glance at it they held an emergency meeting and had the good sense to install it in the swamp at Thames Head where they clearly hoped that it would sink and eventually disappear, "and besides, nobody ever goes there anyway".
Again unfortunately, in the ensuing eighteen years it refused to sink and more than unfortunately, has come to rest at St. John's lock. Pity the keeper who has to face that on a daily basis. Boaters avert their eyes and mutter about "bloody illegals". Small children either hide or rush to their mothers for comfort.
Please remove it. It is an embarrassment.
Marks for respect? Zero!
Food for thought... Maybe we could sell it to America as a companion to London Bridge?
Help the river!
Please?