Thames - A Personal Notebook

picture: courtesy of Diamond Geezer@ Flickr. Henley-on-Thames

Boats of all shapes and sizes on the river on a sunny afternoon. Beer, bacon butties and bliss. Before you rush off and buy your dream .....think!
From the diesel-driven, three-layer, plastic wedding cake, complete with swimming pool and sauna, down to the multi-coloured ten foot painting punt, all have a place in someones' heart but, this is neither the time or place to do justice to the subject. Let me just make a few simple divisions to see if I can assess the reasons why I ended up with my final choice. Suffice to say that there are sport craft, barges (skinny and fat), cruisers, dayboats, tour boats, throw in a few ferries for good measure and don't forget the houseboats.

Sportboats.
I can no longer participate. Those who do, with any measure of success, are dedicated and fit. It has to be understood that for some of the sportspeople it has become a way of life, verging on the fanatical and this transatlantic attitude has destroyed all pleasures in light competition for me. I bowed out some years ago. Good luck to you all. I enjoyed it immensely when it was just sport.

Barges (skinny and fat).
Great fun and increasingly, a way of life for many. I have owned two, both in Holland. The first was a simple fifteen metre diesel driven little liveaboard and very cute. I should have kept her. Trading up was the way to go at the time and I ended up with a twenty three metre, 105 tonne, two-masted sailing barge. This beast was a nightmare. I traded her in for married bliss and a non-floating home (but near to the river). The life can be perfect for those with leanings towards the arts or those who wish to commune with nature. Tucked up a backwater on a crisp autumn day with a roaring wood fire, a pot of (goose?) stew and a good read. Life can be very pleasant on occasion....Like anything you try, it can be idyllic or an absolute disaster. Hire a beast first (and several times)to make sure that it is what you really want and it is essential that you drop the rose-coloured glasses over the side until you make your final choice. For the long term go for a fat one! That leaves cruisers and dayboats but let's not forget that the barges also fit into this category. However, having plodded around this planet several times in previous lives, I now prefer the one-off exploratory trip and, if it is a little special, it is ear-marked for future jaunts.

Cruisers and dayboats.
Cruisers and many dayboats,launches etc., because of their size, usually require moorings. That could be marina, riparian private, Environment Agency etc. This is a problem for me. Moorings are at a premium and regardless of who your landlord is, it could just be that you have tied up to a Scrooge. Of course it will depend on your contract but it is not something to be taken lightly and the prospective mooring owner would do well to have a few in-depth chats with some of his possible future neighbours before commitment.
Now, there is another small point which some newcomers, strangely enough, have not thought about and that is the day's range.
"How far are we going to get today dear?" asks the long-suffering crew.
"Well Sweets, says Captain Horatio Bletherington-Smythe, peering suspiciously at the weather," If we can clear the mooring by 0930 and get a good run down to the Jolly Miller's Lock, providing the iffy weather holds off the hire boats ...we could be at the Potted Palms Court in time for lunch, say 1200hrs. Two hours for lunch and a good run back, we should be all snugged down in time for dinner and, it is my belief that we should make...Let's see... all of ten miles out and the same back...Why! that will be twenty miles today!"
"Oh! Marvellous!" cried the crew and muttered, "Now I have to make the bloody dinner as well as prat about with these ......ropes."
Despite the fact that Captain Horatio's vessel does 200 knots in a Force 8, (well, the salesman said so) it is a sad fact that there just happens to be a speed limit on the river and he, like all the rest of us, will be puttering along attempting to keep the riverbanks in one piece and most definitely not trying to turn the rowing "eights" into submarines.
Ten miles upstream one weekend and ten miles downstream the next. Soon you will start to address your local ducks by name and before long you will be handing out birthday presents. It will take a planned holiday to break free from that routine. For a true horror story try hazarding a guess at the costs per mile (don't forget the loss of investment capital, moorings, haulout, craneage, maintenance, fuel, general wear and tear, and on and on and on). Go on, work it out! I dare you!
Is the monster essential? I don't expect an answer if you already own half of China but, if you don't, well just maybe you might consider an alternative or two. I did and decided on the following.
1. Downsize! Quickly!
2. Moorings are a definite no-no!
3. Keep it simple!
4. Store it out of the water!
5. Do your own maintenance!
6. If it is essential that you must have a watery holiday on any (over-inflated for comfort) cruising craft then hire the thing! There is also a bonus here if you wish to partake of foreign climes - you are going to get there a lot faster when you fly to your base.

Of course you still have to have something to play with but that becomes a personal matter. After much dithering about my personal choice came down to a trail boat and to make matters much worse, I decided to build it! But that is another story... (See Boating DIY: and Boating DIY Choice:)