Simple Life

Opened the gmail box,there is a piece of unread mail from the most familiar address. It was the address which I made about 8 years ago and then gave a familar friend.

In the letter she said she was happy to see my change and willing to keep friendship relation with me as I said if we could not be couple we could still be friends in my last mail sent her.

Honestly I feel despressed at the moment,although I know it is good for her.But my heart has been hurt once more.I feel anxious while happy. It is really a complicated feeling that I can not fully put it down.

Maybe I should suffer from the pain for I have made my mind that I should not compel anybody to do the things that he/she is not willing to do. And now indeed I am sufferring from it,very hardly. I can not reply the mail soonly for I know although I have said some beautiful words in the last time,in my heart there is still a strong addiction to her,any words or informations can still make me crazy or in other words,nervous.

AFTER ALL she said she was happy to see my change. It is enough. I think I need to bear it alone and be stronger.
----after reading the familiar mail
APRIL 3th 18:43

今天发现了两个好学校，一个在浙江，一个在北京。明天打算把材料递给他们。希望能中一个。感觉还是浙江那边的希望大一些。不想了，睡觉了，明天还挺多事。

头疼的年代----最近一段时间头特别疼，不光是我，连我室友也头很大。我头疼为了的是上学。白天在教室上网，看到一位研友发帖道：考研的人哪，考完考试等分数，分数出来了，等34所划线，34所没上成，再等国家线，好不容易等来国家线，过了，本以为应该是高兴的时候了，其实大大不然。真正的苦难才刚刚开始呢。有道是：考研难，调剂更难。调剂的人啊，像是没有家的孩子。东打电话，西发邮件，希望能有一个“家”能收留我们。申请资料填发了N次，等待的日子很漫长，也不知道会不会有个回音。一切都要靠自己去争取，争取着，头疼着。。。。。室友头疼，他为买笔记本头疼。性能跟价格之间的决择总令人难予取舍。但他是幸运的，因为明天他必需要买个本回来，给完钱之后，一切的痛苦也就烟消云散，只会留下我一人继续痛苦。。。。。。

今天晚上网上出了一个分数线，内蒙古工业大学率先公布了入录线，相信有一定的信服力吧。用三天时间把专业搞定的话，一切就OK了。可能真正的考验还没开始。

今天网上得到消息，4月2日出国家线。这线老也不出，说实话，考研的热情都被它耗没了。明天还是先学一下日本文化吧，毕竟还是有复试，虽不知道能不能用上，先学着也可以。日本文化，等国了线再学也不迟吧。川外似乎也不太会考这个，只是后备而已。最好就是去宁大，在家那边想自己开个事业的头。不想被学校困住，实在有些无趣，最主要的还是在于不能实现我远景。