VOICEMAIL: "Hello, Miss ... *long pause* ... 'JERTS-ALIGN-ACCORD-SKA' ...(who is that?)*attempt at recovery of composure*... This isFedExand we are attempting delivery on a package. We need your correct physical address. Please call back at 1.800.FedEx... and mention Tracking Number with 80 digits that I am speaking waaay too fast for a human being to hear without listening to this message nine more times. Thank you."Aside from my nice Polish name slowing her down, I think I heard her telephone shaking from herExpressness. Now that is speed.
During a Summer of physically demanding activities such as watching television and reading books, certain young members of the household neglected cleaning chores … “Princess Syndrome.” *Due to the Privacy Act of … … extreme embarrassment … we will not expose the guilty parties* *Note* STAGE tEWWW of CLEANLINESS: shoddy. Marshmello and Carmel --both are mini-lop-earred rabbits, Lightning, Lightning again, (who loves the camera)Thunder, (who does not), and the Piggies’ condo. The Piggies are a mix of Silver agouti and White, one is Abysinnian, the other Short hair, both ruby eyed. We travelled quite far to rescue all four animals.
The second day of June, I received repeated, desperate phone calls, “Mom! Where are you? Why aren’t you here yet?” Graduation Day. The theme: Change. Not me, I have always been, and will eternally be late.
My fault. I may have made a few wrong turns. Maybe caused some stress. There’s always something in the way though! Anxiety may have mounted. It was …“special”. Good thing for back-up. In Life, stuff just happens. Especially the powerful kind. Okay, nobody saw or heard anything, correct?. Yea BABY!*I HATE SLOW CARS* “aaaahhhhhh … ” Okay, FINALLY, I am absolved of my crime and I got us there ~ only to discover the friend who held our tickets forget them! in her purse at home! We eyed each other. One or the other was going in: MISSION SEXY … obtain free tickets to a closed, 100% booked, exclusive event … could we do it … Yes. We voted youth over wisdom. And we were in! We had to hurry, and blend inLook! Can you believe it? How funny! ( ½ " longer! ) A social improvement. Back it up here … to here … THIS explains enough. Oh and, leaving home looks good on her too. .
A hush befell the stadium as hundreds of Graduates filed in from left and right. At once, Graduates became recognised by family and friends and deafening cheers rose up! On every row you could see cameras flashing and heads bobbing and fingers pointing and faces smiling ~ many crying openly with gladness. And as quickly as they smoothly filed in, as one organism, they quietly seated, all to the witness of wide-screen television, complete with a sign language interpreter, for the remainder of the evening.
She was stunning. From head to toe, polished and poised, nevertheless, nervous. When they called her name, I think my world went quiet. Eighteen years of memories glided across the stage with composure, and tearfully I realized my daughter severed childhood. A transformation.
… One thing though, intensely bothered me. Not another person in attendance seemed to be disturbed by the fact that a specter was shaking our children’s hands … Maybe it’s just me.
Meet Sam, the triply decorated winner of the World’s Ugliest Dog Contest.
The Associated Press: “The tiny dog has no hair, if you don't count the yellowish-white tuft erupting from his head. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches, a line of warts marches down his snout, his blind eyes are an alien, milky white, and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there are the Austin Powers teeth that jut at odd angles.”
He's so ugly that even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table . . .
Alas, Sam was afflicted with the vagaries of age, the worst of which his kind heart was actually quite weakened health-wise. November 2005, Sam quietly died.
Sam, wherever you are, not a one has quite filled your paw prints.
4 minute full version inside ~ click at bottom to enter 1 minute version version for dial-up is here
If you are burning up the phone wire like me with dial-up ~ you may hesitate to look at the YouTube vid inside, but get back here! I promise its funny! Its a viral video for good reason you know! So click on it and go food shopping or something ... depending on speeds (mine goes down to a painfully slow500 BITES PER SECOND very often with YouTube) it theoretically should be ready for viewing pleasure in under a hour. If not the complaint box is here or here.
tag–verb(5.) to overtake and touch as in the game of tag
Henry TOUCHED me. I just looked up the definition for touched and it says “slightly demented or deranged.” God only knows where his hands have been before he was touching me. Oh Henry! …*for shame!*
I was singingat the top of my lungs while fighting the good fight with this outdoors anti-fire-producing-will-never-heat-your-home-EVER furnace.Dressed merely in a knee-length coat ~lacking buttons, from them flying off while axe splitting wood with a right attitude. This coat gapes open to reveal the real Leena, again, while singing at full volume ~and in good form, shall we say. Stealthily, and suddenly a pick-up truckload of young Amish gentlemen appears. Also gaping. At me. Possibly blushing, but not averting gaze. Not one head moved. The pick-up slowly crunched forward on the gravel, and I, as a deer stuck in the headlights did what any fine thinking animal would do.
Woo HOOOOO! Into the crazy minivan we all jam-packed our odds and ends (mostly unnecessary stuff—4 girls, you know) and took off at breakneck speed out of the mountains en route first to my eldest daughter’s (and more junk of course), destination: Grandma’s for Mother’s Day. What is it about the boondocks? … it takes FOREVER to get out of our county. It is like a prison. Extremely secure.
Soon in full merriment on the highway, until we realized WE JUST SPED PAST OURSELVES. The speedometer read 100,000 M.P.H. (in a 55 M.P.H. zoned area, that was just asking for “it”). Plus since we somehow broke the sound barrier back there … we voted to agree. I’ll tell you, the van didn’t even shake. Its crazy.
As you will remember, I loathed my “nice little country bank”. Those tellers were wicked! In this day and age when EVERYBODY knows about *the obvious* they are still giving out lollipops and chocolate. Imagine! And worse – they lick their fingers to separate money when counting it! Just having the knowledge that spit from their vile mouths was on my dollars…well I think it justified lugging about several 2 liter-sized containers of hand sanitizer along with my heaps of dribbled upon capital. That and Prozac. I looked like a drug-dealing airline stewardess with my rolling suitcase everywhere I went. Ok maybe I exaggerate a teensy bit, but still, I saw the likeness of a voodoo doll of me poking out of a strongbox, and who can argue with that? *Yes* Cleverly they disguised the doll in a form suspiciously similar to me –– which now, should make my apprehension apparent to you.
On my way to open a new bank account on a warm Spring day, I decided to stop and snap a photo of this hideous structure for you. In relation to where I live, it is in the “big city” which compared to New York City, would be like taking one square
VOICEMAIL: 
(who is that?) *attempt at recovery of composure* ... 
Aside from my nice Polish name slowing her down, I think I heard her telephone shaking from her Expressness. Now that is speed.
*eyebrow raise* A box?
We eyed each other. One or the other was going in: MISSION SEXY … obtain free tickets to a closed, 100% booked, exclusive event … could we do it 
.
~ you may hesitate to look at the YouTube vid inside, but get back here! I promise its funny! Its a viral video for good reason you know! So click on it and go food shopping or something ... depending on speeds (mine goes down to a painfully 
Grandma’s 
WIDGETIZE