Lu - Bruises, Chewits, Magic Hats and DVDs

Bruises, Chewits, Magic Hats and DVDs

Tuesday, 21. October 2008, 14:32:45

I'm feeling quite sick at the moment as during the past 24 hours i have consumed precisely 3 packets of Chewits. Apparently one is 18% of my Sugar RDA, so i'm not totally suprised i feel like my internal organs and toothie pegs are being eaten by little sugar men and their sugar pick axes. I do feel like i want to do cartwheels and dance alot though (while vomiting most likely) - i guess thats why you cant give kids a can of coke without them tripping out. If there were such a thing as a sugar-lightweight, i'd be one easily.

I'm also feeling sore and achey due to the number of bruises i've been getting. I didn't realise being a Zoo Keeper resulted in looking like someone beat the crap outta me! Most of the time i never remember how i got any of the 26 currently occupying various areas of my legs...or the random ones, like the one between 'the twins'..? How do you get a bruise there?! But the biggest boo-boo i have at the moment is around the size of a tennis ball on my kneecap. My right leg decided it would be a good idea to swing my knee INTO the wall surrounding the rabbit enclosure, rather than actually going OVER it! I can tell you right now, kneeing a wall FECKIN HURTS!! Worst part was, i was with a "Keeper for the Day", so releaving my hideous pain in a variety of colourful swear words wasn't an option. People seem to think swinging your kneecap into a wall doesnt hurt for some reason, but it's actually one of those things that cripples you more than it looks. It is nearly a year though since i broke my foot moving into the new house, so i was due another major bout of clumsyness. The regular tripping and head banging ten times a day doesn't really count...they are like the build up to something like a muscle rip/bone break/mild coma

Ok so enough about my battered body...I'm sure everyone has been ID-ed at some point for something, unless you were one of those lucky kids who looked 18 when you were 12 and could sneak into films your mum forbid. But i've always been ID-ed for everything...except one thing. DVDs. Well, that was until recently. Seems now when i buy an 18 i need to prove i'm actually 5 years older than that! But fine, fine...maybe i do look a bit young, plus i was wearing a hat and buying a kinder egg

, but still!
So anyway, the best bit came a few days ago when i bought Panic Room - which, by the way, is a 15. And yes. Yes, i got ID-ed for a freaking 15! I mean puh-leeease!

I do NOT look under 15!? Have i purchased a magic hat that is reversing the effects of aging? Will i take it off in a few weeks and realise i look 6 years old?! I don't know, but it's becoming slightly embaressing that at 23 i can't pass for 15 yet. I'm sure when i'm 30 and lookin 21 i'll be thankful to my genetics...or thankful to my hat, i dunno. For £5.99 its cheaper than wrinkle cream i guess.

So anyway, i'm gonna shut up rambling on now...but i thought i'd show you this which i stumbled across randomly a few minutes ago...i can't read all of it, but i dont think i need too!

I can't decide which hat i like best though...the dunce hat (apparently to "make you look like a clown" - no shit!) or the one that looks like a chocolate swiss roll. No wait, what about the ladies bonnet? It looks soo good on a man...