Set Me a Blaze: Messages to the sky

This world is a crul place.
But me, do I have to be that way?
No. I don't have to.
I can do as I please, with no regrets.
Not even one.

I can be happy, not sad.
Right now I am happy, I am find, free and alive.
That is the way I want to be.
Not dead.

I can dwell on all the bad things that have happened to me or I can be happy and learn from my mistakes.
I am sure that some of the issues that have been going on with my life will resolve themselves.
I am positive that the things I have been feeling will easy.
And the good will come flowing in.

I am not flawless, I am not perfect, and that god I am not.
My flaws are what make me beautiful.
They are what make me me.
And without them I wouldn't be me.
Thank you lord for my flaws.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm trying to be more happy about things that have happened to me.
I want to love myself more, learn to be assertive, and develop my listening skills.
I am loving everyday, I thank god for all the bad and the good things that happened to me.

So here's to bad and good times.
Thank you for all that has gone right,and wrong with my life.
I am happy to be alive, happy to be loved by my parents, happy to be alive, happy to be me, and no one else.

Music seems to put a smile on my face.
It can turn around my moods.
When I am down I listen to the power of women by morning musume.
It makes me feel strong and sure of myself.
It gives me strength to carry on with my day.

I am here now, listening to those songs that touch me the most.
They feel so good in my soul.
And bring a smile to my face.
I love how they touch me inside and out.
This is life now.
Its all about the music, how I connect with my emotions.
It checks me, and I check and feel it.

Life is about feeling, and music is all about that.

I promise.
I will not give up on you.
No matter what I.
We are meant to be together.

You will be back.
You will come home soon.
Give me time, maybe months, or weeks, but we will be.
We will have our happy ending.

I really don't have a clus as to what I am going to talk about today.
I just wanted to let the world know that I am still here.

For the most part I have been busy with school, and work.
So I couldn't really up date this blog.
That I love so much.

Now I'm just rambling on and on.

But do you have those days were everything doesn't seem to be going right.
I have those too.
Do you love someone but your not communitcating with them in an effective manner?
That right that's where I am right now.

In that shoe.
I hate it.

I tell him one this but he's not getting it.
T.T

Thats life.
I'm going to have to look at through his eyes as to why my requests are not being aswered.
I really want to know why he's been in a bad mood lately, and why he's not calling.

I think this is due to this being his last her of school.
So I'm thinking that he's really stressed about about becoming an adult, plus maybe moving out in a month, on top of find a job, supporting, want to protect, and care for me, added with his having to balane his feelings.

This is really getting to him.
I just want to know what is going on, so that I can try to help in some way.
Its all seem so close now.
At least I hope that our dreams will come true.
I'm hoping that everything will go good, and then we'll be happy, and he'd be less stressed.

I've been so busy with life.
But nothing very important.
I just haven't been able to use the computer.
Which is ok I guess.

I'll be starting a new year in college.
I hope I can do better this term.
I really hope I can.
I don't want to change my classes now I just want them to stay the same.
So I'm praying they don't change.

Wish me the best of luck this term in College.

I don't know what to do anymore.
This thing is killing me.
I really wish this would go away.
But its not.
I wish you would call me.
I want to know what is going on.

I hate being in the dark.
I wish this would end.
I hate that I can't see you.

Every time something goes good for me, it turns bad.

Am I really meant to be alone?