Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few

I had spent much time with him to find what to do for my good future.
I stayed at his house, I was truly really happy, because I had never done it for 2 years since we met first. it was my dream to have peaceful time with him together.

He asked me money again, he said he is still very poor and can't even buy foods, so I really felt sorry for him, I helped again.
But someone who knows him told me secretly he was in United States Marine Corps and his state is giving him money because he got injured because of the war.
I didn't know it, I got very shock,,,,, I just had thought he was really poor because he like finding stuff in the trash, at the dumping ground, he uses what he founds, clothes, the wallet, so I did think he is very poor.

But he said he bought surf board and he is going to tattoo a lot, so I got shock again and I said "I have been waiting you help me, you don't want to help me?" then he was just laughing so I can't help being very very sad,,, so I said to him "be just my friend" and went back to my home,,,

I don't know what he is now, but I still worry about him because he said he has to spend for 2 weeks without money for food, I can't know if it is true but I can't stop caring for him no matter what, if, if he is very hungry now, I want to help him. I am very sad if he has no food

He came to me again, I think so. last night we talked for many hours, and I do feel his mind is very different from others.
Suddenly I worried if his health is ok, I don't know why this thought came to me suddenly, but I was too worried, so I called his office. I visited there many times and it's also his home, then I talked to his boss and I knew he is ok, so I felt secure, and emailed him to tell it.

Then he replied very soon. He asked me again and again what was I and his boss talked, he really worried if I said to his boss he owe me.
It means he don't want his boss to know what he did, so I said I just wanted to know he is ok, and if he didn't cheat, I don't need to call, right? then he was getting very very kind again. He said he loves me and he thought about me and tried to email me only yesterday.

He is such a nervous man, now I don't know what to do for this man, but at least I still hope he has general human heart soon. and I still want his happiness always.

I feel sorry I always write sad story only, this is my secret diary, no one knows me but I can feel warm words and hearts from people, so I feel secure, now I write all what I experienced again.



I wrote about him who hurt me many times, I was not able to forget about him though I really thought we can never see again, but 4months later he came back to me, he apologized again and again, I felt it was miracle, he changed a lot, he did nothing bad for me, I was truly happy.

Suddenly he needed much money because of his relative's death, so I gave him money, he was crying when I gave, I said to him "ask me anything when you need the help," I am not rich, but I have full-time job, and he didn't have, so I wanted to help him anytime, because helping each other when we have trouble is my ideal love.

After that he asked me about money many times, he was working with his friend as part-time job, his earnings was really little, sometimes he had troubles of health, sometimes he didn't eat fully, sometimes he had no gas to drive, so I payed for him, I do care of him so helping him was just my pleasure.

I don't know how much I helped him, probably about $7000, and I really didn't care how much, because I thought we will be together forever, my thinking was very simple and strong.

He finally got full-time job and the big house to work and live, he looked very happy, of course I was also very very happy. We planned to keep money together for marriage.

His work was hard, but he really worked a lot, I was proud of him, but he needed my help until his payday, I helped him whenever he asked.

Just 2weeks ago, he asked me again, so I gave, he said thank you, and it was his last email. His first payday was coming soon.



Now I'm writing this very calmly, I accept all facts, just I miss him, he emailed me almost everyday, we kissed almost every weekends, now I am alone, I feel as if my little child were gone.

Even if he said he never repay, I help him. Human beings need money to live, so I don't think I mistook. I did all what I can do, I don't regret at all, I am not feeling angry, just I'm lonely for him.

My loneliness doesn't know where to go, so I'm writing this. But I already forgave him, I think love is forgiving, I just pray for his good heart.

i couldnt visit here recently because i got a job at last! i just graduated on March, i miss my school days but its good for me that i can forget about my sad love while im working working makes me tired for sure but i try to do my best! and im so glad many people care for me here, thank you very very much

by the way, he replied to me and he said he had long emergency trip so he couldnt email me sooner, but i noticed he talked with many girls in internet while he ignored me, so when i meet him next im going to say him very clearly how sad i was. i dont know he can listen my talk seriously but i have to do it.

i was so surprised at another fact also, he said "when boys love girls too much, they give girls many gifts and call girls everyday, then girls are getting bored soon, so i never do it, so i can keep my gf"
god what did he say? im too sad to hear this, if he really loves someone, he never think how to keep girls. probably this is why he is unkind against me, im really sad about this.

i just cant believe what he did. he often ignores my email, but he cant wait for me only only only one day,,, i slept all day because of anemia, but he was mad at me because i couldnt reply to him. god, he is only a big baby? then what should i do? i told him why i couldnt but he still says nothing,,, makes me sad. so sad. i wish i could mad at him but i cant because i love him too much. he can only make me sad. i want to be his mom and teach him about human hearts.