the f u dance

arch stanton

sitting around the pit
the pine crackles as
we talk
and words form clouds
besides the chat about ayn rand
and mike fighting his house with paint
and what were the most iconic american films

jack leans over and says
we all know where the gold is buried
and i say
in the unknown grave next to arch stanton
and we smile
the good the bad and the ugly smile
of clint eastwood fans
who wished they were cowboys



sorry
tenelevenohnine

times up

so the dripping october
finally gave in
and goosefeathers fell
as the temp dropped
to freezing
ah

not anywhere near ready
fire wood needs to be stacked
logs need splitting
three trees need to come down
and the plow is leaking crap

but

that first taste of snow
and
i feel better already



sorry
tennineteenohnine

crime and punishment

if punishment actually worked
the jails would be empty
says he to me

sister mary flappinsandals
and sister hotdoglegs
could have used the advice

id have more freckles
and fewer
penguin phobias

sorry
tentwentyohnine

pay off

he said
so im out back and running the
splitter
its been about three days straight
of sawing the hauling
then splitting
and
i notice that jenns car
is gone
i didnt think much of it
maybe ran to the store
at eight i call her cell
no answer
at nine ten all the next day
no answer

she up and ran
left her shit and ran
while i wasnt looking
trying to get ready for winter

fuck says me that is cold

well ill be warm with all that
wood to burn

nothing like payoff
for all the hard labor




update
six days later she broke in
and stole her stuff
im thinking
what the hell did he
do to her



sorry
tenohnine

education

so
i have to stop in at the
capital city high school
dont want to have to
and as i am walking toward
main office doorway
i see
oh
about fifteen students
standing in a circle
yelling toward the
center of the circle

what the

then the unmistakable odor
as the yelling turns
to horror
of a skunk spraying

what the

yup
circlejerk russian roulette
with a fucking skunk
within city limits
in broad daylight

thats a new one

i guess i did learn something new today
at a high school no less
and at my age

is this what is meant by
continuing education



sorry
tenohnine

paid

a buddy of mind ranted over makersmark

he gets paid to listen to people
paid
like lots of cash per hour
in a plush office
with a secretary and
a flatscreen with fios
in the waiting room

damn
i fukked up somewhere
cos i get a whole lot
of gripers
yipping at me
and all ive got to show for it all
is a crappy plowtruck
and dsl

cheers says me
could be worse
could be frankenplow

he smiled and clinked my glass
and tossed the bourbon back



sorry
tenohnine

critic

you know ive read your damn blog
says she to me
and there are hardly any words on it
i mean like
you put so little on the page
that people have to think pretty hard
to even understand what the fuck
you are talking about
how about some adjectives
and adverbs and some pizzazz

pizzazz
i had to look up the proper spelling

wait a minute
i said with a i gotcha smile on my face
she paused her tirade
and knew what was coming

i forgot
you were an english major

she gave me that fuck you sneer

i wanted to say
and hows that english teachers cert
working out for ya
being a coffee whore behind the urns
at starbucks

but she would have corrected me
by explaining shes a barister
and id have to look up that spelling too
so fuck it



sorry
tentwentyohnine

halloween

my yard looks like
a junkyard
where old mardi gras floats
go to die
colored christmas lights
dangle haphazardly off
every available corner
stapled to anything that
doesnt move
theres a twelve foot skeleton
leaning against my shed
and the lawn is littered
with carved pumpkins
with various faces of distress
ive got more glo lites
than jesus
and more candy than mr wonka himself

i have been called the anti christmas
by some particularly uptight
born again neighbors
but i just flash
a devilish smile

its halloween

my kids are tweeked
to the point of
explosion

ill sit with a cider
by the firepit
as a townful of kids
run amok
in my woods
scaring the bajesus
out of each other

its time to give
the little ghouls
their night

ill pull the smells off
a cold autumn sky
and smile as the moon
ninjas over the naked trees
wishing i was eight
with a sackful of loot




sorry
tentwentyeightohonine

what rain

watching the radar like an
expectant dad
its gonna pour
soon

there are going to be a
crowd of revelers
all decked out in
halloweens best
soon

the food the drinks
the lights the decor
all out
the yard lit up like day
everythings ready
to get soaked

the kids and parents
show up and run wild
the night is warm and
the laughter is loud
the ghosts and ghouls
run amok

and it rains
and so what
it stops

parade of smiles
and the skeletons
shadows dancing along the trees
as the fire licks the wet sky
ghosts pumpkins and
laughing kids
didnt mind at all
they know
all of this goes away tomorrow and
now
rain or no
is all that matters

happy halloween
only three hundred and sixty five more days
til we get to do it all again


sorry
all hallows evening

make em pay

i still cant get over how
some people want to make kids
pay
in tears in guilt in shame
for being
well
just kids

dont get me wrong
there are a ton of little
nippers out there
that could use a more consistent
approach from their
so called parents
and it seems like every f ed kid
has got some crappy parental situation
but
since when has
tongue lashing and degrading statements
or worse
personal attacks
produced anything other than
hatred of parents
and mistrust of adults
and subsequent devaluing of human life

when
really i want to know

sorry
elevenohnine

so reasonable

a friend complains about a coworker

she prattles on about what she knows
and who she knows and
how she knows it
and all of her complaints
about how just about everyone else
everyone except whomever shes talking to
is the cause of her distress
her lack of advancement
her greying hair and flattening breasts
and it all sounds so reasonable

too bad she flat out lies
and only half of the people who
listen to her drivel
are even suspicious

i mean shes good
but only if your stoopit


sorry
elevenohnine

honorary amazonian

he explains to me how
he is surrounded by
not just women
but mostly women who prefer women
and how
being the minority
it puts the screw to his head
he is pc and ever so cautious
with his words his glances his every move
which
if you knew him
is quite a trick

he parks his ass
near the fire and
swirls the bourbon about
in the glass

a breakthrough
he exclaims
today at lunch
three rather surly
men hating chicks
rant about about our
jackass belittling boss
and how theyd all like
to neuter him

but
says he
they all said they didnt think of me that way
like i was one of their tribe

wow
youre an honorary angry lesbian
quite a honor

to wit ed
who doesnt often say much
queries
you going for your
transvestite merit badge next




sorry
elevenohnine

just shut up

the rain threatened
but just sulked overhead
as the fog rose
only about ten feet
off the soggy ground
there was just a hint
of the tiniest breeze
cold
as if to ask
you ready yet

its coming

we take dates for the first snow
winner drinks free
some mild distraction

the chainsaws are clean
the splitters away
the plow has been fixed
and fixed
and fixed
throwers oiled lubed gassed up
wood is stacked
but never enough

all this chatter
waiting for snow
to finally say

just shut up


sorry
elevenfifteenohnine

eskimo to some

a southern friend called
asked whats up
friendly banter
about kids and jobs
and wives

he wanders into
the home renovation litany
certain men like us
are compelled to report
and his list is long
hes working hard

patiently i listen
about the trips to depot
the mistakes and repairs
the injured knee or elbow or eye
the construction zone home
hes working his ass off

then
equally compelling
is the need to hear others tales of woe
to temper your own
frustration
and remind you that
you are not alone
in this sysphian struggle

i talk of frankenplow
and hewing trees
and splitter line cracks
and bent impellers

whoa
says he
if forgot what it takes
to live in the arctic

so im a couple hours from canada
not ten
makes me an eskimo
to some

i hear my friends near st clair island laughing


sorry
elevenohnine

meteor geek

got up this morning
well before dawn
threw on the coffee and
ran outside

looking straight up
to get the biggest view
i scanned the sky
for tiny chunks of ice
ripping through the
upper atmosphere
at a buck sixty thou mph

tiny streaks of blue tipped fire
race across
laughing at the creeping dawn

light slowly fills in
and the fireflies hide
for another thirty three years

couldve stayed warm and cozy
in the house and let the show
go by like so many
but i would have missed those
little fleeting blips of
visitors from the inky black

besides
got to hear the stream
babbling on and on
and the fox yipping
to her unseen kits
and
i really needed the
crimp in my neck
so i can prove
what a geek i really am


sorry
elevenseventeenohnine
fiveohfiveam
leonids

be a farm

head so pressurized right now
i cant even think
no less think straight

viruses have invaded my family
and i have stayed clean
until
now

just a farm for
the local bugs


so this is how cows feel


sorry
eleventwentyoneohnine

generals orders

eat right
sleep well
drink more fluids
says the the top shelf doctor
with the military title

ok ok
i ll obey

get sick anyway

nothing like trusting
the chain of command

i d make a crappy soldier



sorry
eleventwentythreeohnine

homodetritis

emptying out the vacuum cleaner
she asks where all that dust comes from
and
as it is judicious to do at times
a bold face lie

i dont know
i trail off

she shoots a glare as if to say
you are the biggest fukkin
know it all i know
and you are trying to sell me that
you dont know
yeah right

i stick to my guns

the inquisition fades

not sure she wanted to hear the
skin cell and mite dropping to actual inorganic dust ratio
and its a clean house
hell
it grosses me out thinking about it now

there is such a thing as
too much information


sorry
elevenohnine

frankenplow update
eleventwentyoneohnine

scarecrow drives up with his kids
we chat a quick hello
he mentions he stopped by
because
his daughter was question the viability
of his own plow truck
how it was old
and needed to be replaced
to wit he added
i ll show you a plowtruck that needs to be replaced
and drove up my driveway
to gawk at the mangled hunk of iron
rusting in my driveway

cute

i get defensive
actually defensive
and dare i say insulted

but then i look over at the beaten battleaxe
and begrudgingly agree

one more season i keep muttering
knowing full well
i ll try keep the bitch
until they pry it from my dead hands

or my wife insists

whichever comes first


sorry
eleventwentythreeohnine

reply
shoot me an email at sorry_e_e@hotmail.com
love to talk about the good old days of the brow

sorry

two stroke smoke

i know its bad for the environment
and it must change
but getting rid of my two strokes
one by one
is like changing deoderant brands
i cant get used to not
smelling like two stroke smoke

the cure
is more chainsaw time

next years wood today
what an idea


sorry
eleventwentysomethingohnine