the f u dance

thanks

many of the routines we claim our own
are hand me downs
from pagan times
dressed with a bow or a baby or candle
to assimilate those
still on the fence

but the beauty is
most of the basics
are still there

welp we finished bringing
in the crops and
stacking all the wood
winters gonna suck
so lets have one more
big honking bash
cos who knows
if we re livin till spring
yee hah

so give thanks
to your local pagan
turkey or no
epicurus lives on


sorry
gobblegobbleohnine

expecting more

back to work

they assembled
like so many sober judges
to decide the fate of
a seven year old boy
its their job
they take it seriously
a future is at stake

i so wish that were the case

in fact
a series of
feeble egos
jockeying for position
setting up bipolar arguments
with no shades of grey
so much less a
think tank for solutions
so much more
an inflation of
ballooning me me me me mes

i cut through the bs
and look into their
rapidly diverting eyes
disappointed
i expected so much more



side note

we wonder why
it seems there are more and more kids
who are terminally messed up
and we rarely look at the adults
who make the decisions for them
kids are not evil
adult motives often are


sorry
twelveoneohnine

snow naive

whats the big deal
i mean its just weather
it snows all the time up here
whats the big fascination
said the veteran of many winters
hes got sleds and harnesses for his horses
hes got machines of every flavor
and a healthy
some might say obsessively so
respect for the frosty flakes

i couldnt really answer well
intimidated by his experiences
and knowledge
he looked at my silence for a bit and said

you know
i used to live in the carolinas
hated the heat hated the bugs
the first cold snap always makes me happy
and he looked into me again

me too

not sure thats all i wanted to say about it
not sure thats all he had to say either
i helped him lift the front of
the snow mobile onto the jackstand

better get this front end fixed
going down to fourteen tomorrow

yup


sorry
twelveoneohnine

that taste of snow

ok
so i may stick out my tongue
purely for nostalgic reasons
when the snow drops in goosefeathers
for the first time in a year
and i might even recall
those years when
as a kid
the snow loomed larger
and piled deeper
mostly because i was smaller
but magically nonetheless

but

i dont have
a fraction of the claim on joy
my two kids have
as the tear ass about the yard
making grass prints
in the first inch of snow
mouths open
greedily devouring
the first winter flakes


wish i could bottle
that glee
and add a tablespoon or two
to my monday morning coffee

mmmm kenya double snowflake



sorry
elevensevenohnine

conrads paul

secret snow
and the rapidly progressing
intense fascination
with all that is pure and white
sliding slowly into
autistic attending
and the constant question
am i losing my mind isnt
quite as consuming
as aikens paul

i dont discard friends
or hate my mum
and my respect for their
individual uniqueness and
power in numbers
does not completely engulf me
with near schizophrenic frenzy

but on days
when the solid grey sky
relents
and the swirling dance descends

it surely could


sorry

elevensixohnine

the effect of famous ray


i received word from a dear old friend
one i had thought i lost
and had not spoke with
in far too long a while

there was no idle banter
or awkward moments
just full on discussion
as if we were running out of time
as if i saw him yesterday

when we finally got to
the small talk
i asked him what he was up to

he said
i read a story when i was in sixth grade
by ray bradbury called the man in the rorschach shirt
it was from the i sing the body electric compilation of stories

i knew it

he said and i have spent the last twenty some odd years
working with the disabled the broken the severely emotionally disturbed
and i found that the system
created to support folks in need
meds medicare and the mental illness of the supposed caretakers
is their greatest
obstacle

whoa

in a perfect world
he continued
people who worked in the human services field
should be given stipends by the government
based on data proven methods and
customer satisfaction

his rant went on
it was the underdog story
of the mentally ill
the quixotic tale told
by the man who tilts at windmills

he continued
so i decided that i was finally gonna
do what i wanted to do since i read that story
im wandering around helping people in that
freshman going into a psychology b a helping people kind of way
making no money
but sleeping like a baby every night

i dont get to hear
of too many people
who not only
get to toss it all

he
was
a highly paid psychologist
a behaviorist he called himself
living cushy

but get a second shot
to live their dream

especially dreams that began
thirty five years ago

but i can say

id keep my wife and my kids
and my home not batting an eye
but
if the genie popped out of the lamp
it would definitely be
one of the wishes



sorry
twelveelevenohnine

snow death
a note to gunner

see
i love the snow
and
i could give a rats ass
how the media makes its money
praying on the masses
and prodding the feeble and old into
homeshoppersnetwork cages
moo

they can
make the concept of outside
and the weather
fearful and frightening

yikes a pointy snowflake

and
keep all the potatoes on the couch
for all i care
go and farm them all to be tools
of a modern capitalistic society
or whatever whims ones wicked will

i aint buying

the by product of their toxic goo is that
it keeps the garbage out of the great outdoors
so the only footprints in the snow
are the kids screaming frosty joy
all bemittened and sledded
and the freaks like me
watching flakes fly

i havent died in the snow yet
despite the many many warnings

cheers to the freaks


sorry
twelveelevenohnine

frankenbitch

i thought
a few chunks of cfour and
that pile of rusting metal
would evaporate

i dont have any cfour

guess i ll just hafta to repair
just enough
so i can drive it off the bluff

but that would pollute the lake

so i guess i ll hafta fix it
and drive the deathbucket from hell
for one more year

grumblesweargrumble


sorry

automotive comedy one oh one

all fluids check
all of them are you sure check
new fuel filter check
clean the battery terminals check
wdforty the moving parts of the carb check
clean plow hydraulic connections check
tie the fuel line off the engine block yikes check
battery charged check
quick spray of quick start check

ok
fingers crossed
it starts
it dies
battery death trying to get it started

ok
jumper cables
fingerscrossed
it starts and lurches forward as
my snow covered boot slips off the clutch
ding
hits my good truck
jumper cable snap into frankenplows engine box
chewing the cable to bits
spraying plastic and copper chunks about
ripping the battery terminal off the battery
and yanking whatever electric wires they can
before being ejected about the yard

score
frankenbitch twohundredfortyseven
dumb human three

and im giving myself three to feel better

im trying something different next year
this is getting wwaaay old


sorry
elevenfifteenohnine

congaline

her heads on the block
she knows it
when cornered
animals will fight

she locked her eyes on to mine
trying to see into me
looking for the tiniest of edges
to peel up
and tear off
the mask she thinks is
hiding the soft squishy parts
she longs to knead like playdoh

yeah
good luck with that

unlike most
this is me
and the little pick pick pick
you do
shows your own weakness
which
i wont exploit
im not that way

but i will get your ass fired
for not doing your damn job

sheesh

so caught up in the drama
you forgot what you do around here
pink slip
have a nice life

i know i know
theres a recession
and health care
and el nino

heres the bottom line
theres too many people
in the congaline behind her
she stopped dancing
and now
we re all milling about
wearing our asses like hats

less talking
more dancing
i say


sorry
twelvefifteenohnine

heat
congaline two

so
caught a little heat for the
crassness
and
lack of empathy

hmm

was told that the
singleness of purpose
i claim as motivation
is what put
ted k on his mission
and get buildings blown up

hmmm

fire one viral dramaqueen
with a history of ineptitude
who threatens a range of
unsuspecting loyal effective
nose to the grindstoners
and i lack empathy

oh
lightbulb time

sorry sir
didnt know
you d miss
massaging her
large plastic boobs
did know you two were
quote
that way
end quote

my bad

i guess i do lack a certain empathy


sorry
twelvefifteenohnine

bills tale
retold in sorry verse


clinging onto what she believes is
her eyes bleed her soul
in crystal drops
down flushed cheeks
so angry at being
so fragile

the jaded me reaches low
and shoots her naivete down
with
whatevers and
you asked for its

so crass
so cold
so true

not once was a truth
bubblewrapped
for my protection
not once did i wish a
sparing lie

i hold the answer
she longs to hear
in my fickle hand
and finally
relent

giving in to fairytales
and fibs
to spare one
from the blinding light of day

washing hands
out out damned spot
it does not heed
tainted now as always

a sucker for a dame


sorry
twelvesixteenohnine

tactless
bills part two


the last red oak leaves
scurry across the frozen field
like fiddler crabs avoiding seagulls
clicking their way to the safety
of the treeline

my comments
reach their mark
lasered to the softspot
i watch her crumble in the smoke
an ant under summers magnifying glass focus

her shock at my callousness
is just bunch of leaves
scritching across the icy lawn

secretly hating myself
for being so tactless


sorry
to bill
twelvesixteenohnine

so uh bill

so uh bill
what did she do that was so
unforgivingly heinous
that put her in the line
of your ever capable fire

he shoots a glare

some banter about
the big things like
trust and loyalty

i mean shit bill
shes not your wife
you work with her
she didint cheat on you
she spoke her mind
she didnt take the kids
she helped you over and over
shes not sleeping with the paperboy
she barely made a mistake
criste man
overkill a bit you think

he turns again
face flushed and
that glare of
im gonna punch your teeth
through the back of your head

then he melts

joanne his wife
is leaving me oh shit

gnawing on my own foot
i try to piece him back together

penance for the crassness
i wreak upon poor bill


sorry
again bill
twelveseventeenohnine

checkmate

just when the pieces are
all aligned
and the time has come
for the coup de grace
a win
finally
a win

someone kicks the table
and the queens and the knights fly
and the f u stare

hows that for winning



sorry
twelveseventeenohnine

quiet

elective mutism
is really the only way to go

shhh

sorry
twelveseventeenohnine

a liberal xmas

so some webstory rants on about
rating retail stores
for the christmas friendliness
and
it turns into
a blogbattle
about not shopping at stores
that use the dreaded december c word

i remember when liberal meant overly tolerant
and conservative meant middle of the road

now
these bipolar shit slinging matches
between anarchy and frozen solid

i hope all of the congressfolk
have a great

holiday

and the flipfloppers
whose only mission
is to save their
crappy political careers
burn in that special part of hell
reserved for hubris laden liars

i mean im usually apolitical
because this crap ebbs and flows
with little connection to me or mine or you
but there has to be a price
for using us as tools
and changing the fabric of
rhetoric and philosophy

santa
i really really want
a system of government
of the people
and
for the people
i promise i ll be good
pa leeeeeeeze




sorry
twelveseventeenohnine

holiday spirit

i tie a jingle bell
on my daughters coat zipper
and she and my son
prance about in the yard like
a puppy in the throes of its first snowfall
they rush in half frozen
to drink hotchocolate
and lie on their backs
looking up through the lights on the tree

the wind whips up a minus twenty
but a hug from my wife
that warms to the marrow
and wool socks and popcorn
do wonders
to melt
the icy grip


sorry
twelveseventeenohnine

to you and yours as well christi
stay sane during the most wonderful time of the year
and may the new year find you health and happy


sorry

thanks pam and the same to you and yours
if frankenplow makes it one more season
it would be due to divine intervention

sorry

chubbys christmas version
a misanthropic holiday

the kids are torqued to tweaking
and my my wife is slowly freaking
the credit card companies love us so
let is snow let it snow let it snow

woods all stacked from a summer of logging
and the humbuggers are all egg nogging
and our girths from all the cookies grow
let it snow let it snow let it snow

oh the yard is all painted white
and id rather be out in the storm
but the house is packed with relatives tight
and avoiding them would be really bad karm
ahhhh

i ll set the woodstove up to blister
and promise not to piss off my sister
and eventually all these people will go
let it snow let it snow let it snow
but
uh
dont snow them in here
ok
you know
familiarity breeds contempt and all

merry merry


sorry
twelvetwentytwoohnine

shhh
frankenplow has been running

well
really scary well

i must be dreaming



sorry

astrology

you are supposed to be
faced with a life changing
decision that could
reap benefits
beyond your imagination
she says of my horoscope

yeah

so
i guess
to some
a scaling at the dentist
and good dental hygiene
are just topping my list
of life changing events
and unimaginable benefits

i was actually offended

didnt know i was so unimaginative
or that in need

so much for astrology


sorry
oneeightten

more

it was a night of esoterics and
existentialist phenomonology

i m not sure what the question was
boomed he to the small circle
of friends around the fire

but i m pretty damned sure
the answer is
more wooooooood

and in true visigoth fashion
created a funeral pyre sized blaze
that lit all our faces
and gave us that rare
february camp tan

it was unanimously decided
that yes
more wood
was the answer

sorry
oneeightten of twodoublezero