the f u dance

things you never knew about people you know
part one
tj

a friendly conversation
gets serious
tj is a mildmannered guy
who rarely gets loud
or goes over the top
i have know him for ages
hes not fond of his image
one night
at a poker game
he blurts out his tale

i was driving down twenty five
doing about fifty
when the front end of
civic hatchback
three carlengths ahead
buckles
the car cartwheels
ass over nose
and lands on its roof
with an amazing
smashing sound

i stomp the brakes
and run over

its about ninetyfive
and sunny as hell
and when i get to the
driver door
there is glass
and coagulating blood
every fucking where
and the driver is
upsidedown
seatbelt on
and blood is
gushing out of his
shoulder cus his
arm is nearly off

im squeezing the
armpit vein
clamping down hard
and a cop shows up
telling me to hold on

the guys is shaking
and his head is purple
the smell of
that much blood
is making me lose it
its all over me
and the car
its hotter than hell
and its taking forever for
the ambulance


there was more about
how his mother thought he got in fight
and how months later
the guy sends him a letter
that the cop delivered
saying thanks for saving my life
etc

we sat there agape
looking at mousy tj
all knowing
we could have never
in a million years
pulled that off


sorry
rewind threetwelveten


sorry

things you never knew about people you know
part two
jason

there is a
calm placid serenity
about this guy
he spends his time
at a middle school
in a vicious neighborhood
as a guidance counselor
working mostly with
the kids who
swear and fail
and bring knives to school
hes had threats on his life
from kids and their
psycho parents
and someone
poisoned his dog
but
there is this eery calm
he never raises his voice
never swore that ive heard
you know he cares
and you know he understands

so jace
whats your deal
says hubbs to him one night
hubbs has a hardtime with
anyone who smells perfect
or doesnt swear
or hasnt been picked up
for dwi

jace avoids and diverts
and redirects until
i get suspicious

after some needling

what says jace
i was the evil kid
i was on meds
i was restrained ten times a day
i tried to off myself a few times
i took more lsd than timothy leery
i thought i was going to die before i was sixteen
and people were taking bets on it
i got in an accident
i was driving some highschool kids
home from a party we crashed
and someone hit our car
and the driver died
we all were ok
but i wasnt ok
you know

it was the first time
that i remember
that hubbs didnt
have something to say


sorry
rewind threetwelveten

things you never knew about people you know
part three
jake

jakes a self made man
busted his ass since day one
dad died when he was young
starting working when he was sixteen
got his ged when he was twenty
got married
became an electrician
built his own house
and its perfect
i mean
perfect

chris and i go over
to his house once and a while
and see the projects hes
cranking out
hes restored a sixty three vette
owns two vintage indian cycles
heats his house with fire wood
which is stacked for next year already
has three kids and is a great dad
will help you out at the
drop of a dime
and buys his wife a new car
every two years
likes a shot and a beer now and again
has been known to blow through
a few cigars at a clip
but never around women
and never in the house

chris is puzzled one day
and cant get over the fact
that the fukker gets so much done
i mean says he
i bust my ass and
drink a ton of coffee
and get up at four
everyfukkingday
i dont get half the shit
this guy gets done

me
being the foot in the mouth guy
flat out asks jake
how this is all possible
as he shows us
his new audiovisual set up
in the basement rec room
he just finished

he gets up
gets out a small tool box
and flips the lid
pulling out the top tray
we see a bag of powder
and a straw and a razor
and a bunch of thin white lines

easy says he
wanna bump

whoa



sorry
rewind threetwelveten

things you never knew about people you know
part four
annie

my sister was thirty at the time
she drives me to work
one saturday
cos i hadda pick up some stuff
she waits in the car
i come out and lock the door
and notice
a street guy is
panhandling or
trying to
but the car is locked tight
i look in the passenger window
as the dude is ranting
about westernunion
and a check he is owed
and i see her
knucklewhite gripping the wheel
looking forward
and on the verge of tears
wha

i walk over to the dude
and chat him off the ledge
hes climbed out on
and he walks away
thanking me for helping him
even though i was just
getting him away from the car

she unlocks the door
get in she curtly yells at me
and we go squealing away
all starskyandhutch

a few block down
i say slow down
there marioandretti
he cant run this fast
what the fuck happened

i hate homeless people
they make me fucking panic

really
wow


sorry
rewind threetwelveten

maple syrup


came back from
the trip up north
where three states and canada
can be seen from
the hill up the path

careful tapping of
the sugar maples
and a series of
gravity assisted tube lines
drip crystal clear liquid
into the snow covered tank

inside a shack
made of whatever was left
a homemade woodstove
burns with a jetengine roar

atop the liquid boils
as swirling clouds
of carmel maple steam
coat everything
in a blissful smell

buckets of gold
lugged up the slushy hill
to the camp
where uncle jacks science of syrup
begins in earnest

clear bottles
of thick maple honey
line the counter
as the catch of the day

i shake uncle jacks hand
and hike the mile out
bringing home his craft
to my wife and kids
to be savored and revered
knowing each drop
means one less

thanks jack


sorry
threetwentyten

lumber

talking with the venerable grey beard
about all that is maple sugaring
being a queens boy
hes a bit out of his element

i recount the standing about the
steam as it roils off the
evaporator filling
the world with the thoughts
of pancakes and maplewalnut ice cream

he remarks
how amazing
that its the only sap we ingest
and how its extraction
doesnt kill the tree

which was odd
i had the feeling that
even if it did kill the tree
he say it was worth it

i replied
yeah the shits not lumber or firewood
so its a plus
knowing full well
we both starting daydreaming
of cord upon cord of stacked and dried
maple firewood
mmmmmm



sorry
threetwentyseventen

optimist

so is it global warming
or what
i remember getting two feet
of snow on april fools day
and now
its like seventy

so i took the
plow off the truck
and am getting ready
for the spring
knowing full well
im being a naive optimist


more snow please


sorry
fourfourten

heaven

tree buds
without bugs

sorry
fourfourten

dirt

he said
i was digging around in my yard

insert image of a guy in black socks
loafers and short bermudas
poking about near his mailbox

ya know clearing some brush

insert same balding fat guy
picking up three whole twigs

when i gotta wiff
of that dirt smell
that real musty kinda sweet
rotting leaves smell
and i thought
that
if i gotta take a dirt nap
it wont be so bad
you know
with that smell

insert picture a casket
thats being buried
at a cemetary
zoom in
through the casket
and see that same guy
on his back eyes closed in a suit
take a sniff
and then smile
zoom out
grieving widow tosses on
the first shovelful of dirt
weeping as his sons and daughter
console her
sobbing

ya know
says me in my best brooklynese
ya cant smell when youre dead

overplayed it a bit
here he was being all abstract and shit
and i go and crap in his coffee cup

sorry frank


sorry
foursixten

loose tongue

hes a nfl nutjob
all about football
and can expound at length
about stats and
any team or players
dirty laundry
or fluctuating value

his favorite team is the jets
j e t s etc
hes got jets underwear

so
up here far away from
the big apple
or jersey or wherever
they call home
hes sitting round the fire
listening to the local yankees

there were people called yankees
long before baseball became popular
yah know

as they prattle on about the new england patsies

anyone from newhaven conn
to bangor maine
can be a pats fan

it was all he could do
to hold his tongue
he squirmed and walked about
looking like he was about to burst
for quite a bit
but the buds and bourbon
started to loosen his tongue

they are so done
he exclaims
jets have lt and cromartie
and will get jason taylor
and then all yall
gonna be wishing
you were jets fans
muthafuckers


silence

then the peeper frogs
began to chirp again
uninterrupted
for like three whole minutes
but the boys were silent
like a frosty noreaster ran
down their backs

being in the big chair
with the fat rings
for so long
makes the wit dull
and the retorts slow
i thought

he never stopped smirking
as if the silence proved him right


sorry
go jets
foureightten

caveat to the previous post

i usually stay away from
politics sports sex and religion
because anyone
can rev up a conversation
by taking a shock jock position
just hadda comment on
this jet fans rabidity
and the fact that
i am so glad he wasnt
holding any military secrets
cos hes a cheap date
if you know what i mean

luv ya like a brother tjf but its true

sorry

open invite tj
anytime

sorry

reprise

i zombie walk down to the
coffee pot in the dark
sun wont dare peek out
for another hour or so

i try to connect with
those who tried to connect
with me last night
when i was typing
or embroiled
in some other
priority pursuit

i hardly notice
the light stealing
across the yard
when suddenly
i look up from my
autistic self absorption
and
snow
secret and silent
painting my world
in virginal white
once more

a bit like a white wedding dress
on a pregnant mother
at this point
but what human
doesnt feel for
childbearing women
and
everyone loves weddings
right

some teasing reprise
of winter
messing with my
internal clock

i want to just roll under
her fluffy white blanket
and kiss her icy lips goodnight


sorry
foursixteenten

frankenlumber update

so my wife looks out the window
during a particularly nasty spate
of fifty plus mph gusts of wind
and tells me that there are two trees
hanging on the powerline to the house

i look
yup

i told her not to watch
but if I wasn't back in in an hour
she might wanna come looking for me

threw the five eighths braided nylon
rope in the cab and drove to the
transformer

couple maples hang on the wire
barely
but the wind would
insure that
I would be calling someone
to the tune of a couple gs
to fix the problem
once they fell

like hell

tossed the rope over a
high hemlock branch
a big sucker
and then tossed the heavy hook
into the first tree
hooked it onto ol frankenbitch and
dragged it up and off the line

number two
same deal
back in the house in forty minutes
and the wind howled
as if pissed off
that i got away with it all

new item for the frankenwhores resume
powerline clearing
or maybe
frankenlumberjacking

sounds swedish chef
fronkenloomberjocken
for
idiot flirting with impending disaster


sorry
fourthirty on fourthirtyten