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Diary of a SAHM

Come and Gone

Well the house did sell. It sold and everything happened very quickly after that and this blog was forgotten about.

At the time we received an offer on the house, Shane received two offers for interviews for a position at a new school. We decided Yale wasn't working out and it was time to look for a new option. Shane interviewed with a university in Burlington, VT and in Farmville, VA. Both schools are amazing and the communities have so much to offer. Burlington was very vegetarian friendly, there was so much delicious food! The landscape is beautiful and it is right on the ocean. Farmville is a very small town but full of potential. There are hidden treasures like amazing hairstylists and excellent chiropractors.

Shane decided to accept the position in Farmville and here we sit. We had two weeks to find somewhere to live and given the size of the town, finding something online was impossible. It came down to calling places and getting word of mouth suggestions. The home we are currently renting is okay but in July we will be looking for a new place, whether to rent or buy.

Time has really gone fast. I miss so much about Utah, the least not being our old house and the mountains. For me it was about more than just looking at the mountains. I needed to be in them, hear the dirt under my feet and feel the sun bake my hair and skin. We haven't been in Virginia very long and I still need to give it a chance. I am sure I will find something to love here. I've already made several new friends.

Dennis had the opportunity to begin school in PreK-3. He is gone for a full day four days out of the week. Although I miss him, I enjoy the opportunity to feel unattached and be able to enjoy quiet and get things done. He is learning so much and being around other kids is helping him grow immensely.

Shane likes his new job much better than the last one. I think we will be here for awhile - at least I hope so as I am tired of moving!

Springtime

Time for a new post. Been far too long. As always life continues on and unfortunately I haven't kept up and there's no way I can fill in all the blanks.

Dennis and I are still in Hyrum, UT. Shane is still in Connecticut. Spring isfinally here and causing trees and flowers to bloom. I should be able to turn the sprinklers on tomorrow. I have done what I can to plant my garden, who knows if anything other than my tomatoes will actually grow this year. At least my strawberry plant from last year is now huge. I've done all this despite the fact my house is still on the market.

I keep my hopes up the house will sell but right now they are not very high. It's depressing when you've had about 20 showings and zero offers. This is a really nice house and there is no reason we should not have received even one low offer. I keep telling myself it only takes one showing to get this house sold...but that optimism is going away. We just need this house to sell. I am tired of being stuck in limbo - enjoy the season but don't do too much, make new friends but don't get too attached, make plans but don't count on them cause you could move...

I want to put Dennis in oreschool but what happens when life decides to be funny and the second after I hand in my check somebody puts an offer on the house.

There's really not much else to report - partially cause it's late and my brain is fried. I am trying to get a children's book published. We'll see how far I get with that.

I miss my husband and know times are hard on him. I will get to see him soon for a short while and be away from Dennis for the first time overnight - ever. So even though I know he will be in good hands, I will miss and worry about him terribly.

I'm sure the next blog will be more interesting, til then......

Growing Pains

I feel like I'm finally getting to the place I was in in high school. Ok well, high school was a rough time for me, lots of lows and finally one very big high that lasted at least a few months. My testimony grew, burdens were lifted...overall, it was good. Anyway, I feel like this break/trial the last couple months has given me the opportunity to seriously take a step back and ask myself how I can change and grow for the better. I honestly feel like I can see most (I'm sure there's more) of the blessings of this trial. Aside from that, I have grown tired of my anger management issues, without real help they just seem to get worse. Finally, after sincerely asking for help in my prayers, I have come across different sources that have given me helpful advice and insight into my behavior and ways to avoid being angry or frustrated altogether. The more I read my scriptures, pray and surround myself with positive media, I can definitely feel a change and in some ways it is like a weight being lifted, altho not so great as that weight in high school. Of course, my burden then was much heavier, so that makes sense.

It's sad though that my one brother in particular doesn't understand this added happiness I feel. If I so much as mention that I am happy where I'm at, he just goes 'yea yea' as if to brush it off. The thing is, what I feel is real and lasting happiness, quite a difference from the temporary I normally feel.

Anyway, I wanted to write down what I've been feeling and how I feel my perpsective is changing. Hopefully when Shane and I are together again, our relationship will be stronger in many ways.

Mock Crab Cakes

I have read from so many different Veggie blogs out there and I never talk too much about what yummy food I make. I guess I'm passionate about my cooking but not THAT passionate, lol. Anyhow, tonight I made some mock crab cakes. I've had the recipe for over a year but tonight was the first time I made it. They were sooooooo yummy! I'm really glad I have leftovers :-) Maybe I'll take a picture or something. I just love when I cook something for the first time and it turns out really well. When I made the General Tsao's tofu the first time I was so happy that it turned out so well. That was my first time I had really good tofu. I really can't wait to be in Connecticut. Yes I'll be very glad that I'll be around Shane again....but I'm gonna be around all those natural health food stores and have so many more options! Our only health food store here closed down, so now I don't get to try anything with TSP, TVP, tempeh, or anything like that! So sad. I went over there to get some quinoa in bulk and the store was completely cleaned out. That was a depressing moment.

Anyhow, I'm off to watch a movie and then get some sleep. The snow just keeps coming down, it just doesn't seem to stop! I have cut my thumb five different times in the last two or three weeks on the ice form Aulie's leash outside. On that note, gonna try to figure out how to get Aulie to pull me and Dennis around in the sled, Shane suggested it and I think it sounds like fun!

Romeo and Juliet

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain
Oooh, oooh, the aching
'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh
I'm kissing you, oooh

Touch me deep, pure and true
Give to me forever
'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh
I'm kissing you, oooh

Where are you now
Where are you now
'Cause I'm kissing you
I'm kissing you, oooh

All at once?

Shane's doing a better job of keeping his blog updated than I have lately. It feels like it has just been nonstop around here. Slowly I'm figuring out how to not let the stress of everything get to me. I had an interesting thought yesterday. When I was teaching Dennis to fall asleep by himself or when I couldn't take his colicky crying anymore, I just shut everything out, turned off my emotions. So with all of my anger issues and stress issues, there has to be a way for me to just turn it off when I need to. Cause obviously my yoga stuff isn't helping when I'm in the moment.

Anyhow for anybody who missed it, Shane has accepted the position of Associate Registrar at the Yale Law School. He will begin work there on Dec. 1st. The rest of us will stay behind either until someone buys our house or rents it. Because the economy sucks right now...it could be awhile.

Someone directly across the street from us used to train border collies and I'm wondering how this didn't come to my attention until now. She's gonna come over on Wednesday and see if she can help me out a bit.

anyway, gotta get going. Dennis is nonstop trying to get my attention....never a seconds break.

---------------

Oh...don't worry Shannon, I won't shoot my neighbors cat. I would do something more fun like send my cat in heat over to make special friends with their cat :-) haha, jk.

Dennis' bday party is at the end of this week. We decided to do it earlier than his birthday cause we figured it would help spread out some of the chaos of this month. Shane will be leaving a day or two after Thanksgiving and that is going to be crazy enough. Dennis is going to be three and it is crazy to see how much he has grown in this last year. He is communicating with us and telling us things. He tells us what he likes and doesn't like. He can tell me when he is scared and its so cute to watch him laugh at a cartoon all by himself. He has a major sense of humor and I know he is going to be somebody special.

Had a blessing the other day that was pretty interesting, short but very sweet. I was told my prayers have been answered. I'm not going to share what all of them are, only me and Shane really need to know. There are about 3 big concerns right now though and it seems like ALL of them are being answered at once. It's kinda crazy watching everything fit together and all I can think is that HF really does know what he's doing. And even if the one big one we've been waiting for doesn't come yet, then so be it, the other things I was asking for help with aren't small and they're for sure being answered.

So with a bit of renewed faith, I'll sit and wait for whoever it is HF wants to send to our house. I know he'll do it in his time. If it means Shane and I have to be separated for awhile, well that's quite a trial isn't it. I know that what's coming is for our good and yet, I'm anxious to get it over with.

Just Kidding

Yeah things have picked right back up. The Christmas letter we're going to send out this year is going to sound like we've gone insane.

So a couple days ago Shane accepted a position at Yale Law School. What's that? Yeah, some 2000 or so miles away which means we need to sell the house we just bought 8 months ago. We know now its the right thing to do but it's not going to make it any easier. I am most likely going to be out here without Shane for three months since they won't give him the moving allowance til he's been there 90 days. Sounds kind of backwards to me...how else do they expect him to get there. So I will be here, hoping someones buys my house but not before I have to go out there or else I will be hitchhiking with Dennis since we won't have the money to move yet. We might just choose to rent the house out too, we're not clear on if thats what we want to do yet. We did have an open house today and one couple came by, but they were just curious...they want an older home.

So that really is the biggest drama in my life right now. A bit frustrated with my neighbors that were initially so cool. Not only have they broken several HOA rules, they are breaking Hyrum city laws. I asked her to stop letting her cat use my front garden as a litter box. It's hard to sell a house that smells like pee out front. She said there's nothing she can do about it and essentially (and in more words) I told her to keep her cat inside b/c she is breaking HOA rules. Today they asked for the BB gun back that they initially lent me to use on dogs that tried to mark in my yard. Guess she was afraid I'd use it on her cat, like how I saw him do it in my yard again. She was right to be afraid, I would have. Maybe I'll just catch him and call the pound. I love pets, dearly, but if the owners can't be responsible and follow the rules of the neighborhood they chose to move into, well...I suppose the only thing to say is too bad so long as they continue after being asked to stop.

Sorry, needed to vent that.

Anyway, training with the dogs in finally underway and i feel good about it.

Dennis begins his testing next week to see if he gets to be in the school district preschool. He is still huge and turns 3 next month.

Time to write again...

Well things have calmed down...sort of. Now that I'm home I get to freak out about finances again and feel like I have to do something to help. I just don't know what to do anymore and it's not like shane can do anymore than he is. he's overworked as it is so I don't expect anymore.

I've tried to tap into the freelancing bit and I also have myself contracted out to someone locally for web work. Figures that the first project i get accepted for, it's taking the guy more than a month to get the document to me. I am seriously thinking he gets one more week and a half (cause he explained the situation to me) before I drop the project. I can't accept any other projects until I'm done with his so he's really holding me up. He shouldn't have even gone looking for anybody until he had everything ready. So I'm a bit annoyed. Depending on if things get more frustrating I might up the price or something. We'll see.

There is just so much stressing me out. It's not enough that gas prices are going up. Our gas bill is going up 45%. Our utilities just went up 25 bucks and now is gonna get another increase. Everyything is going up and nothing is helping to compensate. Depression II people?

I'm kind of over having a baby for right now. Shane gave me a blessing and it really put some stuff in perspective which has helped to calm me down considerably. I will probably still get sad every month, that seems unavoidable, but at least I know it's gonna be awhile before anything happens. So I can go snowboard in peace at least :-)

Traveling

Well this month has been ridiculous. I guess it's been longer than a month now but all the same, I'm taxed. It started out with making sure Shane got to the airport so he could see his family in Texas. Then I met Shane at the airport and from there drove down to St. George. A week after we got home Shane's dad came out to see us. Two days after Chuck went home we drove out to California. One day after being home from California I flew with Dennis out to Memphis, TN. And in a few days we'll fly home. Then at the end of this month, Shane will be going back down to St. George. I think he'll understand if I don't go with him this time.

Part of those were work conferences for Shane, the other part family visits. The current visit was due to an extremely last minute attempt to see my grandmother before she died. She passed just as my plane was landing. My parents were at least able to see her before she passed. Today was the memorial service. No funeral, she decided to donate her body to science.

Dennis has been pretty whiny lately, most likely due to all the traveling. Luckily today he was a lot calmer - still whiny but much calmer. I believe at least some good comes from a bad trip. This time I got to meet some new family. Hopefully I'll get to hang out with them in the future and get to know them better.

That's the other thing, it feels like I have seen tons and tons of family this month. Guess it just goes to show how big families can get. There's Shane's side of the family which is just huge in my opinion. Then there's my side which isn't very big until you start taking in the steps and halfs. Then it gets big.

While here we tried to take Dennis to see Wall-E. Yeah, that went well. We should have known better :-)
We had trouble finding the theatre b/c it was partially hidden. The parking lot had about 6 cars in it. There was a gorilla holding a neon sign to show up the entrance. Should have known better but we went in anyway.

We got in and there was nobody anywhere to take our money. We stood around wondering if the theatre was even occupied. A family member today suggested it was haunted and ran itself. Finally somebody showed up and we got into the movie late. My dad went to grab popcorn while I got Dennis seated. First thing I noticed was how blurry the screen was. When my dad got back with the popcorn I asked him to go say something. Then I tasted the popcorn. It was burnt. Yum.

My dad got back and we waited several minutes before somebody tried to fix the video. It was all downhill from there. Not only were they unsuccessful in sharpening the film, they added a fun new rumbling sound that refused to go away. On top of that they stopped the video five times in the 45 minutes we were there. We finally decided to leave and what happened next? Nobody was at the window to give us back our money. The guy who did show up tried to convince us to come back the next day when the video was fixed. No thank you.

Quite possibly the worst movie experience in my life. It will only be passed by something in the future...not sure how it could get worse. Maybe if it wasn't stadium seating...

We did go to the zoo which was very cool. Dennis' first real zoo. We got to see all the safari animals and the fun birds, cats and lizards. The polar bears were really cool. I think Dennis' favorite was the giraffe. I figured it would be the whole time. I thought he might really like the lions and tigers but he didn't react how i thought he would. I thought he would go nuts like he does for his big cats on tv. Oh well, it was still a good time.

Anyway, we'll fly home soon and I'll be able to sleep in my own bed again. That will be nice.

Finally!

We are in CA right now. Kind of last minute decision to make a trip we haven't done in a couple years or so. Little Dennis is getting to see all kinds of family over here and all kinds of cousins. The newest cousin was actually born two days ago on Shane's bday and the next one is due on Dennis' bday.

So I feel really good! I found a freelancing site, only had the opportunity to bid on two projects, and I got the second one I bid on! It's not for much but it's a great start! Makes me feel really optimistic about the whole freelancing thing. I think the more I do the better I will get with programs and what not. I've also been helping someone locally with his website. I hope that continues to go well as it seems to have so far. Anything to help with the rising prices nowadays.

When Dennis wakes up from his nap we are going to head over to the lake. I hear the water is pretty low so we'll see if we get to have fun. I want to wakeboard, I haven't gotten to in four years!

About 4 more cousins are supposed to show up today and another two maybe today or tomorrow. All the cousins together in one place! Well, at least all the cousins on Chuck's (Shane's dad) side of the family. Regardless, if you include both sides of the family, all the cousins are here anyhow....so that's 9 kids, in November it will be 10. wow.
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