Don’t want to be a girl!
By inequity. Saturday, 21. April 2007, 14:20:39
By: Aishath Shihana (A maldivian Girl's Openion)
“Girls can wear jeans,
And cut their hair short,
Wear shirts and boots,
‘Cause it’s okay to be a boy.
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading,
‘Cause you think that being a girl is degrading,
But secretly you’d love to know what it’s like,
Wouldn’t you,
What it feels like for a girl!”
—an excerpt from The Cement Garden which appears in the Madonna song, “What It Feels Like for a Girl”
“I am scared for you” my husband uttered the sentence just as I was dozing off.
I shook away the vestiges of sleep and turned to face him. He was looking at me earnestly, like he wanted to say a lot but didn’t have the words.
“Why?”
“Cause you write. I don’t want any mullahs coming after you.” he explained.
“But I don’t write about things like that.” I reassured him.
“Still, you don’t know what they would take offense at. Look at their growing influence. Its everywhere.” he hugged me. “We would leave this country if they ever come to power!”
“Yes, we will,” thinking it was easier said than done.
I had almost forgotten about the late night conversation I had with my husband when it was brought to the forefront of my consciousness with another similar outburst. This time it was from my fifteen year old niece.
“I don’t want to be a girl” she was still in her uniform, having just got back from school.
“Whatever happened that you want to turn in your womanhood?” I couldn’t help asking. My sister shook her head indicating this one was quite a common scenario at her place.
“I hate my friends! I hate my Islam teacher!” more pouting from my niece.
“Ah, the infamous Islam teacher” I laughed.
“Do you know I am the only girl in my class who doesn’t wear the headscarf? Everyone is on my case about it. But I don’t want to wear it!”
“Well, I guess it’s not as simple as that anymore. But until a Taliban-style government comes to power, we have a choice. So no one force you to wear it till then!”
“It’s not just about the headscarf. There are so many things that everyone tells me that I can’t or should not do because I am a girl! I really wish I was a boy, and then I won’t have this problem!”
Did her fifteen-year old logic make sense? Would being a different gender make a difference? Was our problems gender specific? Would it magically disappear if we become the opposite gender? Was my husband’s fear for my safety based solely on the fact that I am a female writer? Was it easier to be a man in Male’? Was it really that dangerous to be a woman? Does the premise that men are from Mars and women are from Venus hold any water in this day and age?
According to the ActionAid International’s report “Violence against women in the post-tsunami context”, violence against women in the post-disaster context has increased and extended beyond the conventional understandings of physical, sexual or emotional violence. If so, we really are losing the battle of the sexes, and desperately need new strategies to find at least an equal footing.
For a very long time, women have been fighting for the same rights that men take for granted. This statement would incur the wrath of many, who claim that since biologically and physically women are different from men, they are thus not equal. However, in all fairness, women are not looking to turn into men, rather that they be given the same consideration and same choices as men by the society. The right to the same education, right to health facilities when they are required and not when a man deems it appropriate, right to free association, right to travel, right to earn and spend money, right to have children when they want, right to play, right to laugh, dance, sing and most importantly right to live!
In a recent interview to TVM, Director General at Ministry of Gender & Family, Ms. Maana Rafiu tried desperately to explain to the public and the interviewer the difference between choice and public perception that was limiting a women’s scope in the society. I applaud her for making that stand. But like many bureaucrats and politicians, she shied away from making bold statements and boggled the audience in rhetoric and waffle! If only she had been concise and straightforward in her facts!
Even though women make over 50% of the society, they make less of an impact on the society than men. There may be more girls than boys in lower secondary schools but there is a disturbing gender gap when it comes to tertiary qualifications. Men edged out women by 45%. Women make only 43% of the workforce. There are only six female MPs in the Parliament.
How many decision-makers are women? How many companies are lead by female CEOs? How many women politicians are there who are bereft of any derogatory labels? Where are the investigative female journalists working for the betterment of the women? Where are the female lawyers who represent the downtrodden wives and single mothers fighting for their children? Where are the female judges and imams, or scholars? In short where are the female role models?
Sure enough, for the first time a Maldivian woman has been honoured as a Woman of Courage by the United States no less. But honestly, did she really deserve to be among all the other amazing women from the rest of the world? Was her contribution to the women’s status in the Maldives noteworthy enough for the US to honour her? How many Maldivian women has benefited from her “cause”? Has any tangible benefits been garnered by the womenfolk cause she “fought” for their rights? Is she truly the Arundathi Roy of Maldives? Or maybe the next Hanan Asrafi or only a shade shy of Condoleeza Rice who bestowed the honour on her? We, Maldivians have just not understood that yet! Us tuna-eating simple folks!
While it is too late to talk about her contribution to Maldivian women, it is completely useless to find a counter-argument from within the Government. The Government has constantly harped on about the importance it attaches to the welfare of women and children and the high priority of widening the role of women in the society and to ensuring women’s rights is upheld. But how many Government offices have daycare services for its female employees? While it is generally considered ok for male employees to take coffee breaks, how many female employees are allowed to go home to send off their children to school or prepare a meal for them?
“It is hard for the Maldivian women to be both! You can’t have a career and be a mother! It’s an either or situation” explained Fathimath Nasheeda. With her second child, Nasheeda had quit her job in the Government to look after her children. “It was too hard. I couldn’t find a nanny to look after my children when I am at work, and I didn’t want to hire a foreign maid. So the only thing I could do was leave my job!”
“We can’t let women go home to cook meals for their children. If they don’t have better time management, maybe they shouldn’t be working in the first place,” said a top management executive, who wished to remain anonymous. “At our firm, we don’t hire women if they have children. Only single girls who are fresh out of school!”
Maybe it was time to talk to my niece about sexual harassment! But that would be adding to her teenage angst, and I was no closer to answers about women’s role in Maldives than I was when I started this deliberation. I have yet to understand my standing in the big picture. Until then I wasn’t the best person to talk to my niece about how her contribution would be accepted by the society, let alone explain to her about a woman’s place in the world!
“Girls can wear jeans,
And cut their hair short,
Wear shirts and boots,
‘Cause it’s okay to be a boy.
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading,
‘Cause you think that being a girl is degrading,
But secretly you’d love to know what it’s like,
Wouldn’t you,
What it feels like for a girl!”
—an excerpt from The Cement Garden which appears in the Madonna song, “What It Feels Like for a Girl”
“I am scared for you” my husband uttered the sentence just as I was dozing off.
I shook away the vestiges of sleep and turned to face him. He was looking at me earnestly, like he wanted to say a lot but didn’t have the words.
“Why?”
“Cause you write. I don’t want any mullahs coming after you.” he explained.
“But I don’t write about things like that.” I reassured him.
“Still, you don’t know what they would take offense at. Look at their growing influence. Its everywhere.” he hugged me. “We would leave this country if they ever come to power!”
“Yes, we will,” thinking it was easier said than done.
I had almost forgotten about the late night conversation I had with my husband when it was brought to the forefront of my consciousness with another similar outburst. This time it was from my fifteen year old niece.
“I don’t want to be a girl” she was still in her uniform, having just got back from school.
“Whatever happened that you want to turn in your womanhood?” I couldn’t help asking. My sister shook her head indicating this one was quite a common scenario at her place.
“I hate my friends! I hate my Islam teacher!” more pouting from my niece.
“Ah, the infamous Islam teacher” I laughed.
“Do you know I am the only girl in my class who doesn’t wear the headscarf? Everyone is on my case about it. But I don’t want to wear it!”
“Well, I guess it’s not as simple as that anymore. But until a Taliban-style government comes to power, we have a choice. So no one force you to wear it till then!”
“It’s not just about the headscarf. There are so many things that everyone tells me that I can’t or should not do because I am a girl! I really wish I was a boy, and then I won’t have this problem!”
Did her fifteen-year old logic make sense? Would being a different gender make a difference? Was our problems gender specific? Would it magically disappear if we become the opposite gender? Was my husband’s fear for my safety based solely on the fact that I am a female writer? Was it easier to be a man in Male’? Was it really that dangerous to be a woman? Does the premise that men are from Mars and women are from Venus hold any water in this day and age?
According to the ActionAid International’s report “Violence against women in the post-tsunami context”, violence against women in the post-disaster context has increased and extended beyond the conventional understandings of physical, sexual or emotional violence. If so, we really are losing the battle of the sexes, and desperately need new strategies to find at least an equal footing.
For a very long time, women have been fighting for the same rights that men take for granted. This statement would incur the wrath of many, who claim that since biologically and physically women are different from men, they are thus not equal. However, in all fairness, women are not looking to turn into men, rather that they be given the same consideration and same choices as men by the society. The right to the same education, right to health facilities when they are required and not when a man deems it appropriate, right to free association, right to travel, right to earn and spend money, right to have children when they want, right to play, right to laugh, dance, sing and most importantly right to live!
In a recent interview to TVM, Director General at Ministry of Gender & Family, Ms. Maana Rafiu tried desperately to explain to the public and the interviewer the difference between choice and public perception that was limiting a women’s scope in the society. I applaud her for making that stand. But like many bureaucrats and politicians, she shied away from making bold statements and boggled the audience in rhetoric and waffle! If only she had been concise and straightforward in her facts!
Even though women make over 50% of the society, they make less of an impact on the society than men. There may be more girls than boys in lower secondary schools but there is a disturbing gender gap when it comes to tertiary qualifications. Men edged out women by 45%. Women make only 43% of the workforce. There are only six female MPs in the Parliament.
How many decision-makers are women? How many companies are lead by female CEOs? How many women politicians are there who are bereft of any derogatory labels? Where are the investigative female journalists working for the betterment of the women? Where are the female lawyers who represent the downtrodden wives and single mothers fighting for their children? Where are the female judges and imams, or scholars? In short where are the female role models?
Sure enough, for the first time a Maldivian woman has been honoured as a Woman of Courage by the United States no less. But honestly, did she really deserve to be among all the other amazing women from the rest of the world? Was her contribution to the women’s status in the Maldives noteworthy enough for the US to honour her? How many Maldivian women has benefited from her “cause”? Has any tangible benefits been garnered by the womenfolk cause she “fought” for their rights? Is she truly the Arundathi Roy of Maldives? Or maybe the next Hanan Asrafi or only a shade shy of Condoleeza Rice who bestowed the honour on her? We, Maldivians have just not understood that yet! Us tuna-eating simple folks!
While it is too late to talk about her contribution to Maldivian women, it is completely useless to find a counter-argument from within the Government. The Government has constantly harped on about the importance it attaches to the welfare of women and children and the high priority of widening the role of women in the society and to ensuring women’s rights is upheld. But how many Government offices have daycare services for its female employees? While it is generally considered ok for male employees to take coffee breaks, how many female employees are allowed to go home to send off their children to school or prepare a meal for them?
“It is hard for the Maldivian women to be both! You can’t have a career and be a mother! It’s an either or situation” explained Fathimath Nasheeda. With her second child, Nasheeda had quit her job in the Government to look after her children. “It was too hard. I couldn’t find a nanny to look after my children when I am at work, and I didn’t want to hire a foreign maid. So the only thing I could do was leave my job!”
“We can’t let women go home to cook meals for their children. If they don’t have better time management, maybe they shouldn’t be working in the first place,” said a top management executive, who wished to remain anonymous. “At our firm, we don’t hire women if they have children. Only single girls who are fresh out of school!”
Maybe it was time to talk to my niece about sexual harassment! But that would be adding to her teenage angst, and I was no closer to answers about women’s role in Maldives than I was when I started this deliberation. I have yet to understand my standing in the big picture. Until then I wasn’t the best person to talk to my niece about how her contribution would be accepted by the society, let alone explain to her about a woman’s place in the world!
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