Marble Madness

I hereby revoke, rescind, cancel, and make void what I formerly declared in this post.

I just recently proclaimed I finally am over him, and I am. But then why on earth do I need to write this entry? Just read, don't ask stupid questions you know I can't answer

Yesterday, it was two years since the relationship was broken off for that very last time. As you know, the break-up lingered, lingered in in-decision and in me attempting - totally without self-dignity - to get him back. It means there are still a couple of months till the actual "anniversary" of having a minimum of contact with him, but yesterday was the "official" date.

This time I'm not gonna go into any bitterness or pain from either during the relationship or the time it took to feel whole again after it ended. Or maybe there were some bitterness even to that statement... Anyway. I've been worse at the bitter-thing.

I haven't had much to do with him since after the last incident of in-decision early 2009. Once upon a time during the break-up, I think we said that we hoped to be able to stay in touch after the storm of it all had settled. At the time, it wasn't possible for me to see how he were to ever not be part of my life, and I think I actually sincerely hoped we would somehow be able to keep in touch. For a good while - yes, I admit it: up until very recently - I stalked his site and his twitter account way more than what's healthy. I don't know why. It was like a twitch, punching in his address... At first there was always the urge to know how he was feeling, how his life was without me, and later on - how things were with his new girlfriend. After a while, it was nothing more than a habit entering his site or catching up on his latest tweets. I've finally let go of that habit. The few times I'm by the site now, I just skim through and usually find that I don't really find it at all interesting learning about his life.

So how about that "keeping in touch", then? There's been a couple of emails that I've really needed to send in between the break-up and …last spring. But now..? I really don't have any kind of need to have him in my life. He's past I don't want to revisit. And I don't mean to be mean, but I think I will sort of 'forget' about those three years eventually. ....Wow, that's something I never thought I'd say... There's no bitterness to that forgetting, it's just so over, so in the past, so not important anymore.

However, "never say never", they say. So I won't.

One thing I have to say, though. I don't think anything has had more impact in my life as it is right now, good and bad, than those three years in that relationship. And that impact will most probably resonate in my life for a good while to come. I was very easily influenced by people I admired during that time, and so a lot of other people's (i.e. his) views and meanings and ways of doing things and thinking about things rubbed very easily off on me, making me think those ways were the right, maybe even the only, ways of thinking and doing things. Turns out it doesn't come as easily off. With a little bit of wear and tear and new stuff rubbing off on me, it'll all be gone. A whole new skin! I like the thought of that...

So. Two years. It feels so much longer. No wonder, though. So much has happened during that time! Some of the best times in my life has been during that period. And I most certainly don't think there will be need for another "anniversary-post" about this.

Onward!

...I just don't see why

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)", by Green Day




(Sorry again for the no paragraphs-thing... don't know why it happens for every few post...)
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road / Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go / So make the best of this test, and don't ask why / It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time // It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right / I hope you had the time of your life. //

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind / Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time / Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial / For what it's worth it was worth all the while //

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. / I hope you had the time of your life. //

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. / I hope you had the time of your life. //

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. / I hope you had the time of your life.