Marble Madness

The year was 1989, and back then they made amazing music videos...:

So. Today’s the one-year-mark of when the final words of the final break-up struck.

“I think the best thing for us in the long run is that we’re not together.”

Then, when I couldn’t find a way to deal, I couldn’t respond, my mind spinning, trying to find a way to mobilize action according to the words still hanging in the air –

“You’re not saying anything – did you not understand the meaning of what I said?”

Oh, I understood. But my whole world was trembling so under me, I could only focus on preventing it from shattering completely, sending me into a fall I’d never recover from. I never imagined having to fight that fight two times within the span of three months.

I won't go into details of everything. It's all been described before. Just wanted to tell you how it’s so easy still to remember the feeling of every single day of those two months following that moment. Hell, even the feeling of the days and months leading up to that day is still very vivid in my recollection. I don’t just remember the feeling, but actually still able to feel that feeling. I hope I never forget it, and I will do everything in my power to never be so helpless ever again.

I admit I can still get overwhelmed by the desperation in “how the hell am I going to live without him?” But that I don’t think is strange at all. Guess that feeling will be coming every once in a while for a good while to come. Maybe till my feet once again are swept away beneath me, I fall just as head over heels, and the butterflies are gathering up like never before in my tummy. What matters now is how I deal with those feelings, the lingering leftovers of V, how much a hold of me I let them get. Sometimes I dwell in them – not good, but sometimes simply just needed. It still is sad, I think, and I need to tap in on that sadness every once in a while for some reason. Other times, most times, I shake it off by focusing on my life right now – which is a life so good, I never thought I could be so content. Getting started on this education is the best choice I have ever made in my whole life. Yes, I had to say it. Again

He said that he’s tired of making memories, making a life with someone, then having to start all over when that life doesn’t work out. I see his point, and I can sort of have that sentiment at times myself – I think that’s much of what the heartache in the beginning was all about. That, and of course that I lost him. But I can’t linger with that feeling, or everything I do from here on out will feel like a waste, because if/when a new direction in life is forced through, I will have to start all over again. Therefore I just can’t allow myself to think that way. I need to feel that all my memories, no matter what part of my life they’re from, are precious, keep-worthy and so definitely not a waste. There’s always the choice to be bitter, but where would that take me? Every single experience is building me as a person. Every experience is all about learning more about yourself, growing, learning to take what comes the best way possible.

I think I either have lost some of the INFP in my personality, or I’ve started to live more in tune with my INFP’y nature. I feel so much more balanced. There are still things I need to untangle myself from, but all in all – so, so much better. And things are going in mainly one direction.
I know me better. I wish I knew me well. I’m getting closer with every passing day.

So V, although the road to get here at times was a truly shitty one, at times didn’t feel like it was leading to anything at all, or even worth all of the shit it took us through - thank you for contributing to the enormous and solely positive growth I’ve experienced this last year and a half. And thank you for all the beautiful memories. Thank you for all the butterflies. Thank you for what you were to me, and for what you let me be to you. I sure hope you find there’s something in there you wouldn’t want to be without, too. I know I said some horrible things at the peak of my heartache and hurting, but please know I wish you only and nothing but the best.

Come on, give me what you've got.

I remember back in 2006, I was SO happy the big trip to Australia was cutting the winter in Norway short for me. I was convinced the winter would've broken me, had I had to stay here the whole season through. Australia "saved" me.

This year, I sort of have the same sentiment as back then, but no trip to Australia's coming up ahead... It's all just months and months of winter as far as I can see.

It isn't really that I hate winter so much... I don't know, it's just... A feeling. Of not wanting, of not being ready, of that I just can't stand the thought of it.

But. Nothing to do about it other than by grabbing King Winter by it's horn. He has horns, doesn't he?

So. My mobile phone provider messed up, and their offer on how to fix things again was not at all good enough. Now I'm moving on.

I've been a loyal customer for far too long, considering there are lots and lots of better offers around, but I had my reasons to stay. Till now. They could easily have kept me as a their loyal minion, but instead they wanted to pump me for more money. Unentitled - they even admitted it was their "breaking a routine" that caused the mess. A statement later withdrawn, and replaced with "this is what we're offering, if you don't accept, it's your loss". Haha! Funny. I didn't loose anything, but they've lost me.

The whole story is a bit elaborate, so I won't bore you with it. The message is: Find a better mobile provider. Find someone with the better offers, and especially with better customer service.

...I wrote something remotely interesting here...

Any suggestions as to what I could write about? I'm all dried up on ideas these days.