Wednesday, 16. December 2009, 12:41:17
December ’09
It was 3 years ago... I like this guy, even.. I really like him.. And I have to say that, I love him much. When I saw him come to church or just look at him for a moment..It’s already more than enough for me.. He’s a cool man, never talk to somebody (except: to his family or his close friends, I guess..) but, I still love him. One day, when I attend my 1st day at high school, I saw him..!! I don’t know, he’s in the same school with me..And something that I never expect before.. He came to me, and asked me “are you freshie here?” with his wonderful eye look at me directly, I felt..I can’t breath for a moment.. And I got heart quacks!!, I said “ yes, I’m”, then..He still looks at me and smiled. I almost can’t stand by my feet, he sat beside me..Looked my table and we’d made a short conversation, he told me that he’s not student anymore, because he already graduated this year...after told me that , he went with his friends’ felt empty.. ;(
I never forgot this “stupid” moment.., because I still like this guy. And now, suddenly.. He appear, he come to me... he told me everything’s, about his feeling since 3 years ago..I’m his first love, and finally, he wanted to be my boyfriend, he told me that he love me since 3 years ago, but he didn’t have a brave heart to tell me, even to be close with me.. ;( He already asked some my friends, but he didn’t have anything’s.. After heard that, I want to screaming at him. I feel angry, happy, disappointed, shock…!! It’s all mix together. I still love him!! But now, we lived at different country. It’s a huge problems.. Actually, I can trust him fully and start a relationship with him (like in the movie.. ha-ha..) . But, when I think about it for many times (I asked my mom opinion also….hehe ) then I decided.. We absolutely can’t be a couple, but definitely can be a best friend its hard… to let go someone that I loved for 3 years, its difficult...

I wanna go to beach and screaming…!! I wanna let it all feeling go to somewhere that I don’t know. It hurt me actually ;( but its fine already, because I know.. I can’t push something to go along by my own way, including this situation. And love can find its own way, even though it’s too late..But, I’m happy because the fact is we got same feeling. No matter what was happened, it make me go to the next level of maturity and love, and I try to understand that love have to balance with logic thinking.
Feel free now.. thanks God..