# years

i remember that time when I looked for u in u but you werent there,
The time when all I sought was the teeny tiny little bit of the u I knew, but i found u not!
It filled me with anxiety and fear of the unknown.
Thats the time u had that tone n all bout u was but cold.
Its the time u got me bold.
And then with it out I came,
n asked u to choose btn the new u that I saw and the me u had known so long..
courageous on the Outside but within hoping that things would be the same,

n the worst came when I hung up..
seated along the pool in that beach resort,
I experienced a feeling worse than waiting for HIV test results..

The hours that followed called for patience; which I had not,
Hope; which i thought I had,
n prayer; hmmm!!
so I sat,
hoping but praying not, as I waited.
The best of moments kept my mind occupied,
n the bad ones as well..
looked at the screen of my phone so hard I thought I heard it crack..
I typed text after text n saved them to drafts.. words that I meant, others that were meant to console me just incase u made any choice that wasnt me
n others that covered seventeen other hypothetical situations..
When it finally came, the call i had waited so long for had been minimized to a text; n goodness gracious I went through the seventeen hypothetical situations juhs
to reassure my shattered self that it couldnt get worse. n the consolation too....... I looked at the text once more n the courage i needed to open t eluded me.
A reassuring smile spread across my face as I read, "I choose to keep wat matters to me most; n that z u"