Being Alive In Love

Well, it's official. I don't think I've ever had so much reason to be so scared in my whole life. Time for some spiritual battle!

My husband got back from training on the 22nd of August safe and sound. He passed his course, and is now a fully-qualified MP. On arrival, he did as instructed and contacted his boss about coming back to work. There has been no response! I picked up his ROE (record of employment) after he left for training, and the "not returning" box was checked. I had hoped it was a clerical error. Guess this means he's out of a job. Since he has to have surgery on 30 September and will have to be on medical leave for at least 6 weeks afterward, nobody thusfar has been willing to hire him.

His end-of-the-month pay from his military training trip was almost enough to pay September's rent - about $100.00 short.

At the end of September, we're supposed to be moving - so we also have to figure out how to pay another damage deposit and first month's rent, plus pay for the means to actually accomplish the move (i.e. relocatable containers), in addition to our regular bills, food, etc. Since our move day is also my husband's surgery day, we are going to need lots of physical help with the move too. To say the least, we are starting to pack already. I collected lots of boxes while my husband was away.

On top of it all, the van broke Sunday night. Hopefully it'll be something simple to fix, but we still can't afford to actually do it, so my parents are going to try to help us - again. Our son starts kindergarten on Wednesday, and it's too far to walk. My Dad will probably be willing to drive us to/from school for a while - I hope. I feel terrible having to get help from my parents. After all - they aren't a whole lot better off than we are.

It's really not fair for our little guy's first day of school to be overshadowed by all of this! He's so excited, and looks so cute in his uniform!

We are trying to sell my desk (a huge corporate reception desk that I inherited when an office I was working in closed down), and my husband's wet suit to raise some money, but there has been little response.

I will also have to write a letter to our pastor to see about getting financial assistance for our son's first few months of tuition and school fees.

We've been looking at the ads for places to stay, but there seem to be very few that we would (normally) be able to afford. Under normal circumstances our rent & utilities budget is $800/month or less. Rents in this area have sky-rocketed!

We've both been praying hard and my husband has been looking for work every day. He has to request documentation from the Army & his casual job before he can apply for unemployment benefits (which could take a while knowing how fast things happen with the Army) & who knows how long it'll take for the benefits to actually start coming. I might be able to pick up some extra hours at work, but I can't afford to overdo it since I just started back after 10 months of medical leave (I'm still not 100%, but getting better). As things stand, what I make working Saturday mornings doesn't even cover what our babysitter would charge us to look after our son once every 2 weeks. This month, my husband has training with the platoon on 3 Saturdays, so he won't be able to take care of our son while I'm at work. He does get paid for training, but there isn't enough of that going on to support us (usually only about 6 days a month).

To say the least, we're praying for a real miracle! Please pray with us!

In the meantime I have to remind myself that God will not leave us orphans, and he will provide for our needs according to his riches - not ours.

Well, it's summer time again & that means my hubby has gone for more military training.

This summer being alone with my son has been easier, but money and health worries weigh heavy.

Here's a picture of my guys the day before my hubby left:



My son didn't want me to take any pictures of him that day, so I had to do it sneakily.

When my husband comes home from this course, he'll be wearing a crimson red beret to signify that he has completed the training to be a qualified MP (Military Police Officer).

We also don't know exactly what he'll be doing when he gets back. Will he return to his civilian job? Will he be offered a full-time position with the military? Will he have to find a new civilian job? At the end of September, we have 2 real biggies coming up. My husband will have surgery to repair the damage caused to his shoulder during our last move, and, yes, we have to move again! Hopefully this time we'll have lots of help because my husband won't be able to do anything physical for at least 6 weeks following his surgery & the surgery is the morning of moving day.

To say the least, I've been doing a lot of praying, and planning. I've been trying to sell anything we don't need to try to get some extra money to get us through this next couple of months. I'm going to be sorting through our stuff & packing up as much as I can on my own until my husband gets back. I'm also going to be taking some business e-courses to help me get my home-based business rolling to generate some real income. I've also got a mountain of paperwork to get through after we move.

Moving is a real daunting task for us. Actually just finding a suitable place for our family that we can afford with housing costs in this area being so high can be difficult. Now we also have to take into consideration the fact that our son is enrolled in school for September, and we need to be reasonably close to that. Please pray for us.

I know it must seem like I'd dropped off the face of the earth.

I've been stuck - wanting to blog about a particular experience back in February & not having enough time to sit down and compose myself about it. To say the least - it was earth shattering but I'll have to blog about it later.

Since then, I've had a birthday. I still don't look my age - probably won't until I'm in my 70's if my parents are any indication.

April brought a lot of heartache & STRESS. On the 4th my hubby lost his job & later that same day we found out that we had to move - yet again. The employer decided not to keep my husband beyond his probation period because he's in the reserves & would have to be away. Unfortunately that's something that's still legal here as long as your job falls under provincial & not federal jurisdiction. -And the landlord's mother was moving from China & needed a place to stay - ours!

In the meantime, we ran out of money - so there was no money for my medication. I weaned myself down to 1 pill a day & then transferred onto the remainder of the ones left from when I was breastfeeding & then weaned off them. I figure I was completely without any anti-depressants for 3 full weeks. At one point I actually thought that I might be ok & then last Wednesday happened.

My husband started a new job on the 28th of April at $3 less per hour, but within cycling distance from what would become our new home. Gotta pray for nice weather.

We managed to move at the end of April / beginning of May. Another messy move. I hate moving!!!!!!!!!

It took 4 days; and we didn't have enough help despite having e-mailed close to 100 people asking for assistance.

With the 1st push we were up 40 hours before getting any sleep. One of the fellows from my husband's platoon stayed with us through the night and well into the next day - missing work to help us. Thank God for him! To say the least we are both still very sore & actually my husband dislocated his shoulder one too many times during the move & now needs to have a surgery to repair it. I don't even want to try imagining the kind of pain he's in now. So now I have to be the one to do anything/everything involving any heavy lifting. I want my chiropractor! Wait! That costs money that we don't have now that our monthly income is almost $500 less a month and our rent is over $100 more a month.

Anyway - our new place is smaller - but nice. I don't have to pack up & do laundry at Mom's anymore - whew! I've actually been getting somewhere with the unpacking - but alone since my husband has been at work or at the armoury pretty much every day. Hopefully we'll get the PC up & running tomorrow. His laptop is nice, but doesn't have any of my files on it or most of the software I'm even accustomed to.

1st paycheque has come and gone - but at least I managed to get my prescription refilled. I'm starting to calm down now, but going through those initial side-effects all over again - sleep disturbances, sweating, shaking, etc. It'll all be over in a couple of weeks once I'm back to my usual dose & acclimatized to it. At least I don't have to wait the 6 weeks they say it'll take for the medication to start working. For me it starts helping the next day. Bye bye fang woman!

Anyway - I've been awake since 5 AM. I'm tired & my husband managed to fall back to sleep - so I'm going to try to get some too.

Well, I suppose that things have been worse, but, did anyone get the license plate number of that truck? I've been feeling a cold coming on since the day after we got back from my daughter's place. Both she and the baby were sick. My son is fine, thankfully. My energy has gone through the floor, and I hurt all over, but my hubby says I'm not running a fever. After my son is finished watching his video, I'm going to attempt to put him to bed early so I can get some sleep. Mama is really 'no fun' today.