Stealth

http://exoticdemise.blogspot.com/

I find it truly shocking
The way a person can bear a mask
While living with a hidden identity
Behind an honest face
Behind the claims of truth
Behind the acts of good
There stands a confused heart
One that not cares for others
But feeds them anger
And loathness
While it lays there intact
When around we stand severed
Rather I stand in disbelief
With hatred growing
As they are not aware
Not aware that I am
That they cannot hide
For I relieved their identity
And now they tore their place
Within my beating heart
No longer running through my pulse
Nor my mind
And when she appears
Only I can beg the thought to escape
Before it grows and turns permanent
And when it refuses
I could only plead more
As it grows into a deep loathing
Now all I can do is wait
For my opportunity
The one where I can express
Express what I had found
And how I feel
What I think
And what I will do
But for not I wait
Not for long I hope
I don’t forget
I never forget
Things such as these don’t pass
But grow
And knowingly
I allow it
It feeds my hatred hunger
And when the time comes
There’s two ways
Of which it may go
One where I stand speechless
Hide my knowledge
Act normal, unchanged
Or explode
Fly into rage
Yell and bicker
Try what I can in my ability
To make her feel belittled
So degraded
Tarnished
Leaving our relation corrupted
Incurable
Irreversible
Posted by Hadeel Alkhawaja

Staring at blank pages
Music running loud through me veins
My eyes start tearing
Confused and perplexed
Emotions stirred
Shattered glass
Gleaming back at my blank face
They
Eyes torn in my direction
Full of sour expressions
Crystal ice
Fear filled heart
Heavy shoulders lacking energy
I glance at them
Mind frightened
Of realty
Of life
Of myself
Soul trapped
Words gone and heart torn
Deceased
Pen at hand
Ink spilling
As the white crosses into darkness spider veins are created
Crawling in al angles
Evolution
As each branch creates another two
A world of snow turns black
I crossover into another realm
Streams of shadows
All crossing in a pattern
I open my eyes
Once again staring at the web of liquid
Glass still piercing stares
Eyes not shifted
Glares threatening my existence
Belittling my soul
Suddenly nothing is alive
Not the eyes
Not the spider roots
Nor the wind creeping inwards from the open window
Suddenly the tears freeze
Ice cold skin
Un-torn silence
Music halted
Veins cut
Mind rushing
Millisecond thoughts
Steam rising from a rusty pipe
As it settles
The tears will form once again
Roll down my pale white cheeks
And fall upon the spider’s web of veins
Smearing its rhythm into chaos
Now all that exists upon my page of life
The shades of black
And what is left of my trapped soul
Behind my glass identities
Hidden beneath each gleaming eye skip to main | skip to sidebar Stealth
I am creating this mainly for one reason. That is to inform my friends of what I'm doing half way across the world from where they live. More like a journal than anything else, I made this in order to type up what happens on interesting days as well as the bad ones while living in the States. I will also post up some random interests and poems that I had created. This is made especially for Layal and Farah, friends that are dear to my heart and hope will enjoy it.

Friday, July 11, 2008
Gratitude

How is it that one receives so much?
Yet offers so little
The mind of teens is full of filth
To the point where right and wrong
Stand so close, and so hard to differ
When the mind is told once
It tends to act twice
Some yearn to learn
Some refuse knowledge
Even when told
Those not with the intention at heart
Still do not learn
Do not remember
And have to be reminded
Several and countless times
But only when one faces their mistakes
Do the lectures they received
Through all the yelling
And eager distractions
Appear and strike them
Then do they realize that
If only they would have listened
Would they arrive to where they are
Would they have taken the other path
If only they had listned
Would they have learned
And yearned for more
More lectures to ensure no matter what
They would not face their mistakes
And have to solve their problems
But this can be forced upon us early
When those who guide us
No longer stand by us
To lecture us
To yell
To teach
Then does one, no matter the age
Realize ones own mistakes
If only they hadn’t mad them so mad
If only they hadn’t stayed up late
If only they hadn’t yelled back
If only they hadn’t betrayed their trust
If only they hadn’t raised their voice
If only they hadn’t said what they said
I only they could go back in time
And apologize
Treat them like royalty
Plead for their forgiveness
Struggle to show appreciation
Because when they leave
And you are left abandoned
Do you grasp the truth
That they are our keys to heavens gates
And they are our key to happiness
For if they give you so much
Why not remind them
That they are giving this
To a child that expresses gratitude
To a child worthy of their existence
To a child they need
One they want
One that would make their lives easier
Helping them when they struggle
Like they had when we were infants
Why not give so much to people so worthy
People where in Gods eyes
Stand high above us with status
With value
We should convey our gratitude
To those worthy
And those worthy
Stand by you when you need them
Teach you when you need it
And always love you without a doubt
No matter what you do
Even if you broke their hearts
And abandoned them
Posted by Hadeel Alkhawaja
Betrayal

I find it truly shocking
The way a person can bear a mask
While living with a hidden identity
Behind an honest face
Behind the claims of truth
Behind the acts of good
There stands a confused heart
One that not cares for others
But feeds them anger
And loathness
While it lays there intact
When around we stand severed
Rather I stand in disbelief
With hatred growing
As they are not aware
Not aware that I am
That they cannot hide
For I relieved their identity
And now they tore their place
Within my beating heart
No longer running through my pulse
Nor my mind
And when she appears
Only I can beg the thought to escape
Before it grows and turns permanent
And when it refuses
I could only plead more
As it grows into a deep loathing
Now all I can do is wait
For my opportunity
The one where I can express
Express what I had found
And how I feel
What I think
And what I will do
But for not I wait
Not for long I hope
I don’t forget
I never forget
Things such as these don’t pass
But grow
And knowingly
I allow it
It feeds my hatred hunger
And when the time comes
There’s two ways
Of which it may go
One where I stand speechless
Hide my knowledge
Act normal, unchanged
Or explode
Fly into rage
Yell and bicker
Try what I can in my ability
To make her feel belittled
So degraded
Tarnished
Leaving our relation corrupted
Incurable
Irreversible
Posted by Hadeel Alkhawaja
Thursday, July 3, 2008
?

How can I describe this feeling?
Eerie, dead and lonesome
How can I creep out without being attacked?
Being snatched back into such misery
There appears to be no way out
As I lay here with nothing to say
No one to lean on
No one to cry on
As time crosses slowly
My realm is torn, from confusion
To dark depression
I reserve myself, as I spread my hatred
Nothing tends to please me deeply
But merely sink in a few layers to my heart
None have touched it but me
This has occurred over time
Time of distrust
Lies
And disloyalty
It has been piling up
Building a stone barrier
Of hatred
Of dark anger
Of black dispassion
My heart was torn
Not by love
Nor by friendship
But by blood
As I begin to bleed
I struggle to seal my wound
I dispatch myself from the world
To heal my errors
I cannot
I am helpless
Hopeless
Posted by Hadeel Alkhawaja

I am what I am.
I am unique,
One of a kind.
Who I really am, is unclear to many.
I have different personalities.
I can be two to three people,
All at the same time.
I am what I am.
I could see beyond our world,
Whole new colors and shapes.
I can cry,
But, I am fearless.
I can draw a picture,
To portray an identity.
I am not effortless,
Thus I am determined.
I am invincible,
No one can defeat me.
No nuclear fission can destroy me.
I am not what you can see,
I am everything that’s hidden.
I can do everything,
I can travel the world,
Ands taste every known food…
All in one day.
I can discover new flavors,
In every city and village on earth,
In every home,
In every country.
I am what I am.
I am what appears to be,
an alien in a human body.
I can make the grass grow,
And the flowers bloom in winter,
all in reaction to my inner beauty.
I can also kill many at sight,
with only a word from my sealed lips.
I can release a fire,
Hotter than four million suns,
And destroy life itself.
Who am I,
I am a literal million in one,
I am different than everyone,
And I'm not afraid to express it.
I am what I am.
Every animal reacts differently,
to my every touch.
But all believe and trust,my approach and the touch of my hand.
I can fight a great lion,
I can swim across the Atlantic.
I can make the moon shine,
Bright enough to lead my way down a path.
I can do everything,
And I will repeat it.
Until I make the beings believe,
I can do everything and anything I wish to.
I am everyone,
But put together in a secret box.
But no words are descriptive enough,
No images are graphic enough.
For I am what I am,
I am unique,
I am…me.

Lonely on my bed.
Nothing running through my head.
Silence is surrounding me.
Darkness ahead is all I see.
Time now does not matter.
Thoughts are slowly shattered.
Now my mind is blank.
My heartbeat slowly sank.
Breaths are long and deep.
Calmness I will keep.
Now I close my eyes.
I take in a new disguise.
I see a whole new world.
My ideas now quickly swirled.
Pouring like a river.
Gruesome, make me quiver.
A sudden turn.
And you would learn.
Everything gets taken away.
Replaced with burning pain.
Blood will slowly drain.
For love I can’t obtain.
From hate I can’t abstain.
I know I am insane.
As the blood flows through my vein.
My shirt is sick with stains.
Now my life I can’t explain.
For another, I won’t complain.
My soul is but a grain.
This way I shall remain.
Now I open my eyes and see.
That this is how it’s meant to be.
Only one has the key
Your freedom he will guarantee.
Death is here and here to please.