As a Christian I am dismayed that God has been banned from so much of America. But on the other hand I am more often disturbed and dismayed by the extreme, American Christians that want to legislate their morality and force it on every other American. God Himself gave us free will. See, He wants us to choose Him. He hopes that each of us will do that even though He knows not all of us will. And doesn’t that make good sense anyway? I mean, does anyone want to FORCE himself or herself on someone they love? Don’t they want that loved one to WANT to love them back? If you force someone to spend time with you when they really don’t want to would that be good, quality time? I don’t think so. So I totally don’t understand this group of people who want to do just that. Force their morality on every American despite each, individual American’s personal beliefs. That isn’t spreading The Word, that’s power mongering. I never did care for power mongering. My highest power is God. I’ve given my life to Him by choice and not under duress. That’s the way He wants it, by making this choice I am submitting to His will for me. This type of power mongering isn’t what America stands for and I don’t believe it’s what God stands for either. Are these people so threatened by thinking and belief systems that are different than theirs? And why would they be anyway? God has made it clear that all they need do is believe in Him, believe in Jesus Christ and that he came and died for our sins so that we could be forgiven and, after accepting Christ as their savior, to then try to live by His Word. If they do that then they have everlasting life and the heck with those who choose not to believe. Given that then why is this power struggle happening at all? It’s one thing to spread God’s Word but it’s another to force the Bible down someone’s throat. Not only is that not constructive it’s often destructive. Look how many Catholics that went through the Catholic School system pre-70’s then left their religion by choice. I’ve heard countless stories of the nun’s using the fear of God and His harsh punishments to keep the students in line as well as corporal punishment. Many of these kids were NOT taught that God loves them even though they’re sinners and that they will be forgiven through their belief in Christ. Many were taught that God’s love had a whole lot of conditions. A certain percentage of those students grew, at worst, to hate a God so harsh and at best, to not want to serve such a God even if they did still believe. But that isn’t the God of the Bible and the New Testament. That was something made up by the Catholic School system of days past which is, for the most part, gone now…thank God. My aunt Mag, God rest her soul, thought that she could earn points towards Heaven through works and getting converts for the Catholic Church. But God’s gift to us is much simpler than that. It’s so easy it’s almost hard to comprehend. So if God gives us the free will to make choices why on earth would anyone try taking choices away by using His name to do so?
Outside my window the snow is falling. Last week we had some warm weather and much melting but nature is reminding us that winter is not done until she decides it’s done. This past Sunday our clocks went ahead an hour and soon the calendar will tell us that spring is here…but the calendar isn’t in charge of the weather no matter how well intentioned. This has been a long winter, it started early with the devastating ice storm here in New Hampshire. My town didn’t get it badly but not far from here many of my friends had no power for days and even weeks. We are still seeing the damage that was done during that ice storm. Winter doesn’t usually bother me. I lived in Florida for nine years and really missed the winter. I like the cold, within reason and I love the snow especially if I don’t have to drive in it. But this year I’m right there with those wishing it was over and done with. Enough already! We are more than ready for spring here in New Hampshire. We are ready for warmer weather, for the bulbs to start peeking out from the ground and the trees to go into bud and turn green. Spring in New Hampshire is beautiful. There are so many shades of green, the flowering trees are stunning and their aroma fills the air. The daffodils and tulips are followed by the lilacs and the lilacs lead us into the summer sunshine and beautiful, warm nights. It won’t be long now before the seasonal places in the harbor open, the summer people will come back and the streets will come to life again. There are weekend concerts outside and boats on the lake, water skiers and swimming. There are parties and bar-b-que’s with the smell of food cooking on the grills flavoring the air. But that isn’t quite here yet no matter how ready for it we are. Its still winter, as nature is showing us. But as winter winds down and spring does approach, we feel it coming and are brighter in our moods and thoughts. This has been a long winter, too long. I’m hoping spring comes early and stays.
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
We all have troubles, sorrows and pain. Nobody goes through life charmed regardless of outside appearances. But some people refuse to wear the negative as their usual outfit and choose instead to dress in bright colors, showing their smiles instead of their tears whenever possible. Because even in the midst of sorrow we can find moments of laughter and joy and if we don’t grasp them gratefully then we’ve missed great opportunities. To everything there is a season, to quote a great book, there is a time for sorrow but there is also a time for joy. I know several people who won’t allow the time for joy. They prefer to hold onto their sorrows and immerse themselves in relentless self-pity. And although we can and should be able to count on the understanding and loving support of our friends and loved ones during sad times, nobody wants to listen to someone who does nothing but drone endlessly about their problems and how rotten their life is. This is especially true at parties and social venues. Places where most people go to forget their troubles and enjoy themselves in the company of others for a few hours. At those times those harbingers of doom attach themselves to one person at a time and recite a litany of their problems with a stunning lack of awareness that they are ruining each victim’s enjoyment. And as each victim finds some kind of escape the complainer moves about the room, stranding more victims, one after another and spreading their darkness like a setting sun. And some of the doom spreaders are kind, good-hearted people, generous in every other way. Often they are some of the luckier in the crowd, still having a job although the overtime has been cut, having family that loves and includes them and enjoying relative health. And if someone tries, gently, to point out that they are the author of their own misery they will cry softly, with great drama and often agree, using this observation as yet another reason to feel sorry for themselves. Complaining that one’s lover left them to someone who buried his young wife recently is not acceptable. Whining about how one is being forced to live on 40 hours work at a higher than average wage to someone who only has a personal income of 5000.00 per year is stunningly oblivious. Crying about how lonely one with a handful of attentive children and grandchildren to someone who has no family is almost cruel. Yet on and on they drone, refusing to be convinced to just enjoy these few moments, if not more, of a life that will seem all too short when their time comes and they are called home to God. I am a sympathetic, patient person but I am tiring of dealing with these types of people. I have noticed my friends groan when one arrives when we are all laughing and enjoying each other’s company. It’s like the pall descends before they even enter the room, permeating our happiness like smoke seeping into a closed room of a burning building.
One of these men is a friend of mine. They are working on a new CD now. He's amazing, I've mentioned Reid in my blog before. The Funky Knights have been around for a long time. I have heard some of the cuts from the new CD and they are great. This is one of the new songs put to video cuts from years ago. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!
I had a strange, realistic dream last night. A man I’ve known for 9 years kissed me. It’s rare I dream somebody kisses me and the few times I have I don’t “feel” the kisses, in this dream I felt it like it was real. Although I find the man attractive I’ve never considered him in this way, we are very different although friends. And it wasn’t a “friendly” kiss, it was quite nice and very involved. It came out of nowhere, for some reason he was there and leaving and he hugged me as he sometimes does but when I went to back away and say goodbye he pulled me closer and that’s when it happened. In the dream I was doing things with friends, he was going to be back later but I woke up after a while. I went back to sleep after a little bit and continued the dream, another thing I don’t usually do. In the second dream I was still waiting for him to return but he didn’t. I don’t understand this at all and I can’t get it off of my mind. I haven’t even seen this man in probably two months nor do I see him all that often. I wasn’t thinking about him recently especially not last night, I was physically worn out and tired, I wasn’t thinking about anything by sleep by the time I got to bed. So I wonder what the dream is about and why it happened. Maybe I’m finally ready to try another relationship? I don’t know, I don’t feel any more ready than I did a month ago; I’m not looking for a relationship. I do get offers but in just about a year I haven’t accepted any of them nor am I interested today in any of those who did ask me out. Not that there’s anything wrong with most of them, there isn’t. So why did this happen in my dream especially at a time when that kind of thing was furthest from my mind?
Yesterday, seeing as it’s past midnight, was Mary’s birthday. She and Andre own Café Andre, which is my hangout. There were a lot of people there, Mary always gets a card and a cake for all of our birthdays and tonight there were two cakes for her and lots of roses. Mary loves flowers and especially roses. Andre told me he thought about putting out appetizers and a buffet in honor of her birthday but then she’d have even more work so he didn’t think that would be much of a birthday present. He said maybe on Tuesday, when they’re closed, he’d make a nice dinner at their house instead. I agreed that would be nice. We often do holidays with Andre and Mary. Mary always collects those who have nowhere to go and then there are some of us that are close enough to just want to share special times with them. They’ve come to my house for Christmas dinner; I’ve been to their house for Easter but these days Mary usually does holiday dinners in the restaurant because they know more people now after seven years of operation and their house is small. So even when the restaurant/bar isn’t open sometimes there is a crowd there anyway although it’s a much different atmosphere from when they are open for regular business. My whole family hangs at Andre’s. There is my brother, my cousin and my chosen brother there most nights especially in the winter when our other favorite place, The Anchorage is closed. My cousin in MA who has a condo here comes there when he’s in town and his two other brothers who live in Florida come when they’re up here on vacation. Their mother, my aunt, who also lives in Florida, she’s there too when she’s here for the summer. It’s our place, a second home where we are always welcome and wanted. It’s a place where we feel at home among good friends, a place to make newcomers feel welcome too. So there was a good crowd for Mary’s birthday because we all love her and she loves us too. What more could we ask for in a small town like ours?
I dreamt about J and G last night. J was beautiful, had had some work done or something, and looked like a model. I was talking with someone at a party and she came and sat down next to us. I dropped to my knees and said, “look, I’m on my knees begging for forgiveness” and I was crying. It was stupid because I don’t need to be forgiven for anything, she does. She is the one who carried on an affair and left her husband for her lover….which is hers to wear and to be honest I felt bad for the husband but I never thought any of that was my problem. She is the one who then made false charges of abuse against her husband only to not show up at the court hearing later on (at least the charges were dropped). Now that did bother me a whole lot. She is the one who read my email to her husband…despicable. And then I saw G, I think twice but once so I noticed. He met my eyes and then looked away and so I did too. Now perhaps I do have something to ask G to forgive me for but I don’t really see it that way. I gave him my opinion, I wasn’t ugly about it, I just stated the truth the way I saw it. I told him that for someone who had spent the past year accusing others and holding them responsible for their bad behavior regardless of how insignificant it was or how much it was none of his business he was a hypocrite for his own. And his bad behavior wasn’t insignificant. He hurt a lot of people. I told him I had no problem with him leaving his woman because he had a right to be happy. I told him that I understand that sometimes we hurt people, we don’t want to but that’s the way it is. What I didn’t understand was the heaping of all that insult onto the injuries, that’s what I didn’t understand, that’s what I couldn’t accept gracefully. Every word was the truth. G has one set of standards for everyone else which are very, very high. Then he has a set of standards for himself, which are very, very low. He also has an unfortunate ability to justify his own behavior to himself no matter how nasty it was. I had spent the last few years listening to him on the phone for hours at a time while he ran down everyone I loved. I got tired of listening. So when he said that he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore I agreed with enthusiasm. I will always love him, I will admit openly that he is one of the best guitarists I’ve ever heard play, I acknowledge his huge talent and feel sadness at how he wasted it for drugs. I don’t want to be friends with him anymore either. So I don’t really feel I need his forgiveness. I feel he owes me an apology, he borrowed a lot of money and I’ll never see it again but he justifies that too just like he justified giving A’s guitar to M to settle a drug debt. Mk had to replace the guitar to get it back. And the police decided it was a civil matter, how so? It was receiving stolen property is what it was. He has backstabbed, stolen, screwed, lied about and used everyone that was good to him. No, I don’t feel I owe him an apology at all. All I did was tell him honestly the way I felt about his behavior. That’s why the dream was so strange and I’m thinking about it and blogging on it at all. G was rude and out of line with almost everyone. Holding them accountable for things that weren’t really that bad especially not compared to the things he has done to others over the years. G stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong and was ugly to people in other people’s name. Then got all uppity about anyone paying attention to his bad behavior. I pray for G every day, I pray for his ravaged body and his ravaged, hate-filled heart and soul. I pray for the way he blames everyone including his parents and especially now that he’s 55, for his failures in life. I know his failures are due to his own bad decisions, his lack of control over his temper, his avoidance of truth, his addictions and the fact that he’s bi polar and refused ever to get treatment for it because that would be admitting that he is not perfect. He did terrible things to people including threatening them and when they’d take exception to that he’d call the police and conveniently forget to tell the first part of the story. He is the one that started the story that J’s husband had physically abused her. Which is ridiculous, anyone who knows her husband knows he isn’t that type and anyone who knows J knows with certainty that she is nobody’s victim, ever. I suppose I need to pray for J too, she never leaves a man unless she’s got another one already and has tried him out for a while besides. And she buys and pays for most of them too, which is sad. Maybe if she didn’t have a drug addiction…and I can’t help but wonder if G had gotten past his own addiction before starting chemo. He has, it’s rumored, stopped chemo. I don’t blame him and I respect that decision. He is stage four cancer…what is the point of suffering through chemo to shrink the tumor, then suffering through surgery and losing his teeth, tongue and ability to speak and then, finally, going through radiation treatment. For what I ask, to live a little longer? I might have made the same decision myself; just enjoy whatever I can, with the ability to speak (and sing) until my time comes. He never should have waited so long to have it treated either. I’ve had too many people tell me they understand that. Sorry, I don’t and I don’t understand their understanding either. It’s cowardice pure and simple. Cowardice isn’t worth dying young for, not under any circumstance. I tell them that too because I know they’d do the exact same thing. One of them has, she went to the hospital about 9 years ago for something and the doctor saw a growth on her back and told her she really needed to get to a dermatologist as soon as possible. She didn’t, she’s a coward and “I don’t like doctors”. She’s also a drug addict….and ok I guess that’s her decision to make but then once she made it she had no business crying to me about it whenever she got drunk either. She has two children and I can’t help but feel that she owes them better than that both in her decisions for her own life and also the example she’s set to them. Ok, she’s spent their entire lives setting a poor example for them and they reflect it all the time. Instead of dealing with their problems she excuses them and takes all the blame onto herself. Meanwhile they are falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. She provides no guidance, no support and doesn’t even live with her 16 year old and hasn’t for the last 2 years. He has no limits set, no discipline (in his entire life he’s never been disciplined), no rules, no education…no nothing but a life of partying with people older than he is, staying up all night and sleeping late into the day. He thinks he’s “cool” and to be honest so does she. Her aim I life seems to be being seen as “cool” especially by her children’s peers. He has no future to look forward to, he stopped going to school when he was 15 with her blessing. But if people ask her about it she lies and says he is being home schooled, he isn’t. Why lie? When you lie it’s because you know you’re doing something wrong, right? In her quest to be “cool” she has done drugs with her kid’s peers often turning them onto something they’d never done. So few seem to notice that all the kids she’s taken in and under her wing ended up drug addicts. I don’t get why so few adults notice that. She is charming or can be and on the flip side she can be nastily vindictive. People always believe her because she has this gift, I’m not sure how to explain it, her father called it the family curse and warned her that she had it and also warned her to be very careful not to abuse it. Abuse it? She’s ridden her life out on it always getting people to pay her way and support her. She has a reputation for honesty but if you know her very well you know that she isn’t an honest person at all, especially with herself. But she is generous, warm-hearted and can be very giving also. I love her, I don’t like what she does but I like her. But I still wonder why others don’t see it. I also wonder why, in a state where our governor passed a stupid law not allowing kids to quit school until they’re 18 nobody is doing anything about her younger son and the fact that he is not in school or any other program to educate him. The fact is despite any laws and anything they say, they don’t really care. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like kids to quit school but there are always going to be kids who won’t graduate. To make it a law that they have to stay in school until they’re 18 is inane, all it is doing is adding to the already horrendous cost of education. And money isn’t the answer to education either. The Catholic schools have proven that time and again. But most states are like mine, they just keep throwing money at the school system pretending to try to fix it when any thinking person knows that they have no intentions of fixing it. It suits them to have an ignorant populace. Numerous studies have proven that the less educated one is the less civically aware they are also. Sure, they vote but those votes are easily one with bullshit propaganda and bribes. Being so ignorant as well as apathetic and self concerned our population easily believes the lip service paid to education by our politicians.
My friend Nora made these for me! It makes me smile and feel warm inside because I'll think of her every time I see them. Friends are so important to me, I am blessed greatly by God because I have so many.
Andre’s is my hang out. It’s where I know everyone and everyone knows me. The real name is Café Andre and as well as the “lounge” where I reside there is a formal and beautiful dining room as Andre is as fine a chef as you can find anywhere. The man is a genius with food. In the summer there is also The Anchorage and there are a few other places my friends and I go on occasion but most of the time if I’m not home and not working Andre’s is where I can be found. It’s comfortable, warm and always welcoming. Andre and Mary, the owners are good friends of mine. We sometimes share holidays including Christmas. If I’m hungry and have no money, they will feed me anyway and very well besides. Andre’s isn’t huge but the restaurant is classy and attractive. Andre recently acquired a grand piano that is just beautiful and adds to the room’s ambience. Mary’s garden should be famous and included on any local garden tour. Three seasons of wonder can be gazed at from the window tables along the back wall of the restaurant and even the crustiest of rednecks can be found walking and enjoying the gardens every so often. I’m always out there with my camera because it seems that every week there is something new to shoot or something old that I never noticed before. Andre shoots a mean game of pool having played in many venues and for serious money besides. He is giving me lessons so one of these days I’ll put up my quarters with the best of them. In the meantime I’m learning and sometimes when they’re playing partners he chooses me. The others joke that he’s playing with a handicap, which is true, but he tells me if all I can do is sink a ball or two I have done what he needs from me. We usually win but I don’t take any credit for that. Since last winter when NH went non-smoking we’ve had to go outside for our cigarettes. On a slow night sometimes we are all outside which is kind of strange but we’re getting used to it. There is a fireplace so when we come back in, chilled, we can hover or sit in front of it and warm ourselves. There are three televisions, right in a row, each one larger than the one next to it. Sometimes they are all on and sometimes only two are on, always the same channel and if there is a game it will be playing. If there is no game some of us will argue over what we want showing. Reid performs there every Wednesday night and if he gets a cancellation on a weekend. He plays for tips but considers it a live rehearsal; besides, we are his “family” also. He is usually accompanied by either Jan, a vocalist, Ben, who plays bass and sometimes any number of other fine musicians and vocalists. Wednesday nights are always a good time. Some weeks the crowd is smaller than others but usually there is a fairly good crowd especially in the winter. And we really are kind of a family there. There are many singles none of which are necessarily looking to change their status, a good handful of couples and occasionally whole families as well. If someone new wanders in they are, almost immediately, included in conversations, pool competitions, dart games and dancing. We share our company, our problems and triumphs and sometimes our sadness when someone we love is ill or we lose them all together. The main core of regulars have developed a strong bond, Andre and Mary are included in invitations to our homes for parties or shared meals and we are included in all of their special and holiday celebrations also. Sometimes on a Sunday during the game or on Monday when the pool table is free for the competitions Andre will make something delicious for us without any charge. Sometimes some of us bring something to them for sharing and although they don’t open until 4:00 pm there are a handful of us that go there often well before opening knowing that Andre is there and Mary might be in and out doing her errands before opening. I don’t drink often and never at Andre’s because I’m always having to drive back to Claremont. I drink soda which Mary sometimes allows me to pay for and sometimes doesn’t. I’m not the only regular that doesn’t drink alcohol for whatever reason. Andre’s isn’t just about being a place to drink alcohol. Andre’s is about good friends and good times. It’s the place to go to find out the news when there is a local crisis. It’s the place to go if you need to find out where someone is, even if they aren’t there. It’s the place where birthdays never pass unnoticed. It’s the place to go to find a warm welcome and someone to talk to, a hug if you need one, a hug if you don’t need one. We tolerate each other’s differences with fondness and, if necessary, give each other a stern talking to as well. Being owned and operated by people with huge hearts it tends to attract good people. Anyone looking for trouble isn’t tolerated and it’s a group effort to deal with any trouble that does, on rare occasions, arise. No paid bouncers required, we take care of our own. If wood needs to be brought in several go for it. A handful of our people make sure there is wood for the season to be brought in. If there is a breakage or leak, one or more of our people who have the skills will fix the problem. If Mary needs juice or milk, she can call one of us and have us pick it up on our way there. This is my place and has been since it opened just over seven years ago. There is nowhere else where I am so comfortable as I am there not even The Anchorage and I’ve been going there since I was old enough to sit up. I know it won’t last forever, nothing ever does. Eventually some kind of major change will come since that’s the way life goes. But who knows? Maybe Andre’s will go on until I’m too old to get myself there anymore or my life takes a change I can’t anticipate right now. That would be very nice…
WIDGETIZE