shut your eyes

I haven't been writing lately because I did not feel that away. I always doing something else like watching Scrubs, listening to music or just doing sport.

But lately some things are on my mind. I know most of the people I know even my closest friends do not know that this blog exists. It is good how it is - I don't mind if people read what I write.

Back to the topic: I've got the feeling that I push away a lot of things that bother me in my life. I do that to protect me but sometimes it annoys me that I am so afraid. I might be running away from it but I don't know what else to do. It seems to me the best reason to solve that problem.

I've got a brother who's in prison, a hard working mother who tries to take care of me and my sister. I can't show emotions to my family - I could cry in front of a stranger and feel good about it. I want to act strong when something bothers me but I don't. I write, I think and sometimes I loose some tears. But nevertheless do I think that I make a very strong appeareance.

When it comes to my family I am selfish, respectless and unthankful. I should not be but I am because that's the way it is. There have been things in my past that can not be undone and I hate some people for what they've done. I hate my stepfather and I hate my father who I have not met yet. I have to deal with so many things I don't like and yet do I have to be kind to them. It's not that I say out loud what I think about them but I am afraid that maybe sometime this whole bubble will pop.

That's it. I'll put myself together and do what ever it takes to distract me from things that bother me. I've always done that and I'll go on with that.

It's saturday evening and I am kinda bored :x I just upped some new pictures which might be interesting for you.

I don't really know what I should tell you guys. Nothing really special happend in the last few days. Well, I went partying on Wednesday which was freaking awesome. I really had a blast getting to know so many new people. :-)

Word of the day: Whatever!

Today is my day off and I am dedicating it to burn some music collections on cd. A few of my friends ask me if I would like to "share" some music with them. Why not?

I'm still serving community service and so far I can say that I've learned a lot. I won't work in a hospital again but I am thankful the experience. You learn to face the death and it helps you to communicate with people.

So far so good
See you later

evening and I got nothing to do because I have to work tomorrow. I've been to the gym and I jogged a few miles.

A friend wrote me today and she said to me that she might has cancer again. :x I hope she has not. May the force be with her.

...

see you later guys

Some poetry I wrote a while ago. Check it out. The complete list can be found at
http://allpoetry.com/issue

puddle of mud
by issue on Mar 02

the sky opens its gate
precious water find your way
people meet their fate
earth's arms are open and obey
water will gather to a pond
people quicken the pace and respond
dodging puddles to avoid predicted doom
but god's rain gives them no room
water drops on their shoes
liquid nutrition for some bad news
wet skin is no torture
when do people understand nature?
All rights reserved, © issue. Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden.


I'm anything but ordinary
by issue on Mar 15

I got no license and no car
In my flesh is more than just one scar
Never met my father just in my thoughts
Just his blood is still running trough my veins
My brother has been addicted to drugs
Our stepfather beat us up with his own hands
I was too young to know that I had no chance
I see precious blood still on his finger
I see him once in a while and he still isn't a bringer
I once got a gorgeous girlfriend but I forgot her name
I never cared about myself and that's a shame
I hear my songs over and over
I know but someday I'll drive my own rover
One day life will make sense and I will have my own room
Until then it's time for me to avoid preditcted doom
I'll run and fight for my love, success and repuation I deserve
I'm anything but ordinary
All rights reserved, © issue. Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden.


Grape
by issue on Apr 05

You are so sweet yet so sour
My mouth likes the touch of your tender skin
Your juice runs down my chin
I feel your pulp makes a tour
I lick you up and throw the rest in the bin
Oh, grape you are so irresistible
I have to admit I adore your sexy shape
Your taste is incredible
I eat you and record it on a tape
All rights reserved, © issue. Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden.


to log in
by issue on Apr 05

You download my dread
I'm not talking about the internet
You wish it away with just one kiss
I hope you'll never disconnect my bliss
I would really miss the time when you were gone
It would be like a never ending sad song
I type invisible numbers on your back
When I do that it the time seems to expand
I tease you on your tender spot
I know that it makes you hot
Please, stay alive and don't crash
If you die you put me in the trash
I know sometimes it's time to reboot
But we will find our way back to the root
You erase my pain and replace it with desire
I hope my account on you will never expire