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Mel

Mel

  • Sex: Female
  • Location: USA
  • Occupation: cat wrangler, bombadier and stunt pilot
  • Status: Bumbling bee botherer extraordinaire!
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  • Member since: Nov 2005

About me

Born to vagabond stocking menders, Melissa grew up in abject poverty in the hold of a Spanish galleon, where her family made ends meet by tying them together. As soon as she was able, she hitched a ride on a tramp steamer and made her way to Hong Kong, where she fell in with a troupe of radiation sensors and learned the ways of nuclear fission. From there it was a simple step to becoming one of the world's foremost nano pianists, learning to perform on a piano .000000000001 mm wide, using an arcane technique known to the nano piano world as 'pinstabbing'. Currently, Melissa is on a virtual tour of the inside of her head.

My work

I'm very much involved with the global human organ blackmarket. Do you have two kidneys? Eyes? Well, hell's bells, you don't need two, now do you? I have a bathtub full of ice and a hacksaw with your name on it right here. Call me. We'll do lunch.

Fast facts

  • At the movies I like to see:Blood, death, destruction, car chases and tremendous explosions or expensive costumes.
  • Last movie seen:Juno. Boo freakn' hoo.
  • Music I listen to:Punk, Leonard Cohen, Nick Cave, Tom Waits, punk, The Stooges, The Clash, David Bowie, Super Furry Animals, The Pogues, Flogging Molly, the Stones...way too much, and that's not even getting to the country/bluegrass side of things...
  • Best album right now:DIG LAZARUS, DIG!
  • Favorite author:John Gardner, James Lee Burke, Graham Greene, A.S. Byatt, among others too many to mention.
  • Last book read:The Enchantress of Florence, but I didn't finish it (evil librarians!)
  • Best game right now:Russian Roulette with a 9mm
  • Software I use:Cashmere panties
  • Hardware I use:Nickleplated .9 mm Beretta with laser sights.
  • If I won 1 million dollars, I would:Retire to a remote chalet in the French Alps and become an evil mastermind.
  • If I were a super hero I would:Retire to a remote chalet in the French Alps and become a super-evil mastermind. With lasers and dobermans, or perhaps lasers mounted on dobermans.
  • I wish I could:That's like admitting you have a defect, isn't it? I can do ANYTHING, bitches.
  • Favorite travel destination:Sewers of Paris.
  • On my vacation I..:Hunted inhuman troglodytes in the Venezuelan bat caves armed only with a pair of slightly used nunchuks.
  • Favorite sports team:Any bloodsport, especially involving musketeers in puffy shirts.
  • I'm passionate about:Money and power, or maybe power and THEN money. Can't decide.
  • Food I like:Red meat
  • I don't like:bindlestiffs, paregorics, neuralgia, schistosomiosis, trichinosis, and athletic mascots.