Posts tagged with "Translation"
Sunday, 25. March 2007, 06:02:33
Translation
遲 到
Being late
我們遇見過許多人
卻總是錯過許多事
得到許多經驗
卻失去了某些感覺
Many people as we met
We always missed lots of things
Much experience as we acquired
We lost some feelings
回到原點
找回遺忘的記憶
整理思緒
沉澱錯亂的過去
Return where we were originally
Picking up some long lost memories
Sort out my thoughts
Rearranging the chaotic past
如果還有明天
期待
再 相遇
If we still have tomorrow
Expect
to meet you once more
Wednesday, 7. February 2007, 10:45:29
Translation
雨后池上
刘攽
一雨池塘水面平，淡磨明镜照檐楹。
东风忽起垂杨舞，更作荷心万点声。
The pond after a rain
So smooth its surface after a rain
Like a bright mirror reflects the houses
The sudden east wind kisses the willow
Onto lotuses the raindrops seas of sound
--by moonriver
The pond after a rain
Liu ban
A rain perfuses the pond to the brim,
like a polished mirror reflecting the eaves.
A gust of spring breeze dances the drooping willow,
further rises a vast of dripping sound on lotus leaves .
Translated by CalmSea Feb 6, 2007
The pond after a rain
To the brim its surface after a rain
Like a polished mirror reflects the houses
The sudden east wind dances the drooping willow
Onto lotuses the raindrops seas of sound
--by moonriver based on calmsea's instructions
Wednesday, 7. February 2007, 10:37:09
Translation
竹里馆
王维
独坐幽簧里
弹琴复长啸
深林人不知
明月来相照
Zhu Li Guan
Alone seated in a secluded grove
To play piano while singing aloud
No one knows me in the gloomy forest
Embraces me forever the bright moonlight
--by moonriver
The hut in bamboos
Alone indulged in secluded bamboos
Play instrument while singing aloud
No one knows the mellowness in deep woods
Acompany me my confidant the bright moonlight
--by moonriver
A cottage in bamboo groves
Among serene bamboo groves alone I sit
Singing aloud as playing the instrument
No one is aware of the refined taste
To be my companion only the moon bright
--by alicelotus
Lodge in bamboos
Wang Wei
Stay in deep bamboos alone
Play on zither and intone
No one knows, the depth in woods
Shines of moon, my only hoods
--by Calmsea
Second edtion:
The Lodge in bamboos
Wang Wei
Stay in deep bamboos alone
Play on zither and intone
No one knows, the depth in woods
Shines the moon, my only hood.
--by Calmsea
Lodge in bamboos
－Wang Wei
Stay in deep bamboos alone
Play on zither and intone
What is in woods unbeknown
None but moonlight for my own
-- Translated by CalmSea
竹 里 馆 --- 王 维 A Cottage Among Bamboos – Wang Wei
独 坐 幽 篁 里， I sit alone in quiet bamboos
弹 琴 复 长 啸。 Sing aloud and play instrument
深 林 人 不 知， Unaware that deep in the woods
明 月 来 相 照。 None but the luster of moon
--by once_shy
竹里馆 Hut in bamboos
王维
独坐幽簧里 In secluded bamboos I sit
弹琴复长啸play music and intone poems
森林人不知 unknown in woods
明月来相照 only the bright moon be company
--by noverreader
Tuesday, 6. February 2007, 15:21:20
Translation
风
李峤
解落三秋叶，
能开二月花。
过江千尺浪，
入竹万竿斜。
Wind
Withers and makes late autumn leaves fall
Bursts open early spring flowers of all
Crossing rivers, it raises sprays
And into bamboo forests, slants layers of wall
---By Alicelotus
Wind
To cut and drop late autumn leaves
And open the spring's blooms it dow
Across the river, billow waves
In woods of bamboo, all poles bow
---By CalmSea
Wind
Dismisses late fall leaves
Blooms early spring buds
Crosses river billows heave
Bows bamboos thousands tilt
---By Rhapsodia
He unbuttons late autumn leaves,
and brings primroses in bloom;
Across rivers stirs up high waves,
Into forest bows million bamboos.
---By Passerby2006
To take off autumnal colors from trees
Shall set the early buds to bloom for spring
Over river billows jump to welcome
Into woods bamboos incline to follow
---By After
Sweep off late autumn leaves
Wake up early spring buds
Across rivers whip up huge waves
Into woods faint million bamboos
---By Moonriver
Wind
It --
Relieves late autumn leaves;
Cajoles early spring blooms.
Crosses rivers swelling waves;
Rakes bamboo groves alist.
---By rainier
这是一首描写风的诗歌，在诗人的笔下，风是有感情的，是有强弱之分的。如果仔细阅读，你会发现诗歌的前两句突出的是风的温情一面----使落英缤纷，使鲜花绽放；而后两句则突出的是风的强悍---掀起千尺浪，吹斜万竿竹。诗人笔下，风是气吞山河充满阳刚之气同时也是温情脉脉善解人意的男子，因此我在选择主人公的时候选择了” He”.当然也许有人认为，世上也有女强人， 风也可选择she,那我是没有异议的， 对诗歌的理解我们是没必要强行要求一致的。
鉴于上述风的温情与强悍的不同，所以在选择有关动词的时候也就有了区分。解落三秋叶，重点是一个“解”字，解是需要温情的，诚如给心爱的人宽衣解带一样，故此选用了 unbutton, 试想如果用cut来“解”，也未免太生猛了吧; 用take off则显得平淡，缺乏生动感；sweep off则有秋风扫落叶的味道，与“解”的温情相差甚远。这里也顺便提一句，alicelotus对unbutton的理解符合我的本意。
有人说不要he行不行，我的回答是当然可以。还是那句话，萝卜白菜各有所爱，对诗歌的欣赏也是如此。我给加上一个男性的人称代词，原因有二，一是要突出风的男性化特点（当然有人认为正好相反，另当别论），二是使译文读起来更觉流畅，避免了那种一上来就是连续动作的突兀感。其实英文中很多诗歌都有类似的写法，如 Emily Dickinson的 A bird came down the walk, He did not know I saw….还有William Blake的 Did he smile his work to see? Did he who made the Lamb make thee?
AFTER提出bend 来替代bow，他认为竹子向风鞠躬是背向式的，不礼貌，所以bow不如bend 好。其实，如果查一下字典，两个词是很相近的，很多意思是一样的。这里把bow当作使动词就好理解了，意即 风力巨大，令竹子弯腰鞠躬，这样就不存在竹子屁股的朝向问题了。 选择bend不是不可以，但相比bow来说失去了许多生动，失去了其中的幽默味道。Bow是在Calm-sea版本中第一次出现，该词的选用足以掩盖其它一切的瑕疵，认真把味，你会感叹个中的妙处。如果读了多次还不觉悟，那恕我直言，您还是缺乏点诗歌的悟性。
最后，谈谈翻译中文诗歌的理解。我的观点是，好的英文译文首先要把中文诗歌的意境翻译出来，这就要求准确深刻地理解原诗，同时要按照英文的习惯和用法把这种意境传导给读者，象After把过江千尺浪翻译成 billows jump to welcome,象moonriver万竿斜译成faint million bamboos基本上是一种再创造，未能把原意反映出来。第二应该力争把原诗的特点在译文中展现出来比如风这首诗歌中，简洁和对仗是其一大特点，忽视了这些特点而在译文中过度再创造是不可取的。我在前面评述过，Rhapsodia的版本很好地把握了原诗的特点，此甚为重要。（请注意我说的是力争翻译出原诗特点，而不是全部，因为有些时候诗歌是不可译的，比如“风”一诗中四行中每行中间镶嵌了一个量词---“三，二， 千，万”，如果非要坚持把中文意思翻译出来，那么英文就无法读了。所以我翻译“千尺浪”的时候只能处理成High waves）
诗歌欣赏就是需要不同的声音，如此才能帮助人们提高认识，毕竟人们对诗歌的理解不同，欣赏的角度不同。有人觉得格律很重要，有人觉得意境更重要。从现代诗歌的发展来看，意境和内容越来越成为衡量诗歌好坏的标准，不然自由诗为什么那么兴盛呢？当然，这不等于说诗歌统统不要格律。如果诗歌有了意境和内容，作者还能把严格的格律也融入进去，那当然是上上品了；但反过来为了追求格律而牺牲意境和内容，那岂不又是无厘头？
THE EAGLE
By Alfred, Lord Tennyson
He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ringed with the azure world, he stands.
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Daydreamer 认为译文中不必加上人称代词，让读者体会其中风的阳刚与温柔相济的男性特点，我完全同意。不过，in my translated version 加上人称代词，读起来感觉节奏感更好一些，而且少些突兀。
(头韵Alliteration is the repetition of the initial consonant. There should be at least two repetitions in a row. Eg.. In Rhapsodia's version , rise river....bow bamboos
For example: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. The first letter, p, is a consonant. It is repeated many times. (If you use a syllable rather than a consonant, it is assonance.))
---By Passerby2006
以下是我个人的观点 (当然也是源自很多专家的思想)
就翻译而言, 尊重原文是无可非议的，这一点是决定作品好坏的先决条件， 但翻译古诗歌同时并存新的标准，这一点正是After提出的格律问题。
众所周知，中国的古诗有格律，而英文古诗歌也是基于格律的基础上，甚至无格律不成英文古诗歌。那么在进行中国古诗歌汉译英的时候，如果不带格律，也属于不忠实原作的范畴。很多书籍、杂志中提供的翻译作品存在鱼龙混杂的现象，尤其是网站上。让人看的哭笑不得的所谓名家作品处处皆是。
曾经看见过很多非常经典的唐诗汉译英作品，都能看出其中的英语诗歌格律（抑扬格最多）,那些作品翻译的当真是惟妙惟肖。
经常可以看到很多非常白话的翻译作品，有的时候感觉翻译的很到位，我很赞叹，但我知道那并不是翻译的好，而只是理解的好。那些作品并非好的翻译作品，只能称为好的注释作品。换句话说，那不是翻译唐诗，只是用英文去解释唐诗。（这个观点我在以前的帖子中提到过）。
设想我们是中国人，尚且在读唐诗的时候都要去品才能体会个中含义，那么读英文 (翻译) 诗歌如果不进行推敲，一目十行就可以很清楚诗歌的内容，甚至第一时间就感受到每个单词的分量, 那只能有两种偏激的结论，或者读者水平很高，或是作者水平很差。
---By CalmSea
诗歌不仅要表达一定的思想内容，还特别强调抒情性。因此情感怎么能抛呢? 诗歌中没了意境又哪会有余韵回味之美,因此二者当然不可抛.古诗词中讲究赋、比、兴，含蓄，虚写和实写，正面描写和侧面描写，直接抒情和间接抒情，用典，象征，衬托，修辞，情景交融，托物言志和托物寓意等写作手法。同样在把古诗词英译时和创作英文诗歌时也要讲究figure,rhyme,rhythm,meter,diction etc．我想就这一点以上各位优秀老师已达成一致．比如说Passerby对Rhapsodia的点评＂句式对仗，特别是两个头韵突出了诗歌的音乐感＂，以及CalmSea老师强调的格律问题，都说明不论是古诗词英译还是创作英文诗歌也要讲究写作手法．我想在CalmSea帖子里，他并不是说只为格律而抛情感意境，他只是说应运用一些手法，＂要去品才能体会其中含义＂，这样才有一种美感．当然不能为了形式而抛内容，不能过，也就是Passerby所说不能＂再创造＂．
我贴龚先生这部译作（渔歌子）只希望各位老师发表一些观点和见解．因拜读完各位的佳作后，再看这首翻译，就像CalmSea老师所言，除了觉得翻译的很到位，确实少了点儿余韵回味之美．Rhapsodia老师的简评，说明她也并不太赞赏这部译作．综合以上各位老师所言，在翻译古诗时还应运用些写作手法．看来我们辛辛苦苦学的格律知识在翻译古诗时还应派上用场．
其实我的两篇译文(风)和(竹里馆)有些受龚先生的这种自由诗译文形式的影响,基本是直译,没讲究任何写英文格律诗的手法. 不过在拜读完各位的佳作和激烈讨论之后,我开始对用英文自由诗的形式来翻译中国古代格律诗的怀疑,因此把它贴出来想听一听各位老师的观点和看法. 感谢CalmSea老师和Passerby老师的及时回帖, 现在我已得到了答案: 用英文格律诗来翻译中国古代格律诗的译作是更高一层次的作品.
再次感谢各位老师的积极参与和精髓观点的分享~!
---By Alicelotus
Tuesday, 6. February 2007, 14:38:34
Translation
雨中的了悟 （席慕蓉）
如果雨之後还要雨
如果忧伤之後仍是忧伤
请让我从容面对这别离之後的
别离 微笑地继续去寻找
一个不可能再出现的 你
Meditation in rain
If one rain always succeeds another
If sorrow always repeats
Please allow me to face the parting with ease
And go on searching for you with a smile
- One who will never appear meanwhile
为什麽 （席慕蓉）
我可以锁住笔 为什麽
却锁不住爱和忧伤
在长长的一生里 为什麽
欢乐总是乍现就凋落
走得最急的都是最美的时光
Why
I can lock my pen
Why I fail to freeze love and sadness
In such a long life
Why happiness always fades in such a hurry
And gone so hastily is always the beautiful time
Thursday, 21. September 2006, 12:48:01
Translation
A long-awaited rain
Renders the whole world thoroughly clean
Walking alone in the street with the night becoming lonesome
I become soberer seemingly when the icy air cools my bosom
Being together is kind of happiness for people in love
Even eating a bowl of wonton by the roadside could make heart feeling warm
The tiniest surprise can bring in sweet feelings
Love itself is simple and common things
Suddenly start missing the days in the past
The ever happiness ,bliss and sweetness once cast
Never before did I have such intense feelings to ignite
Rendering the sound of heart breaking filled the night
Many stories once occurred and ended in the summer
And I was trapped in one chain after another
Breaking away from this one while stuck again in another
Exhausted as I am, not knowing how long I can continue to linger
The world shouldn’t be dominated by our own will
It never happens that once dwelled in my imagination so real
Everyone is likely to lose courage temporarily still
I am in fright currently, so dreadful
Having lost too many things while running out of fear
All is out of my reach while I intend to catch something near
I walked aimlessly
Not knowing where is my destination and tomorrow
Should the days belonging to me fails to come really
Maybe my heart will be frozen together with the autumn wind till the next sunny season to follow
这是一个精心的再创作，已经超过了普通翻译的概念，将原文翻译成为压韵的prose poem. 因此将从诗歌的角度评论这个作品，其中做出的好坏评价将和其他的作品出发点和起点不同。
首先说明一个前提，诗歌即为诗歌，诗歌有其特殊的语言形式，诗歌绝对不是将一个美丽文章的每句话机械地分开形成诗句。因此，这一点也将成为评论这个作品的一个参考点。
Title: One more autumn rain, the chilliness once again，A very nice translation, poetic, and even rhyming starts from here. Feeling what the title brings up, it impresses us a lot. But to combine the exactness and artistic effect, it’s not better than mine. 原文是‘一场秋雨一场寒’，而译文更偏向理解为‘秋雨又来，寒意再现’。这里强调了‘再一次’this kind of feeling. 侧重点不一样，虽然也是同样的有诗意，但意思多少有点偏离，but it doesn’t matter much, I love this title very much.
First stanza:
A long-awaited rain
Renders the whole world thoroughly clean
Walking alone in the street with the night becoming lonesome
I become soberer seemingly when the icy air cools my bosom
久违的一场雨，将整个世界冲刷的干干净净，一个人走在大街上，夜也越发变得冷清。当冰凉的空气冲进心里的时候，大脑似乎也变得清醒了......
Such four brief lines, condense this 57 word passage with 30 English words, while no pruning from the original meaning, from the view of translation, it’s very successful.
From the view of poetry, the word seemingly isn’t a better choice. In a poetry, we usually avoid to express with too many adv words if there are a lot of choices of noun, verb or adj. Seemingly, two adv Thoroughly and Seemingly are too many in the first stanza. Reference (只是一种参考而已): I seem soberer when the icy air cools my bosom. 我感觉了一下用seem替换seemingly在节奏上改善了很多，而且节省了become。
Second stanza:
Being together is kind of happiness for people in love
Even eating a bowl of wonton by the roadside could make heart feeling warm
The tiniest surprise can bring in sweet feelings
Love itself is simple and common things
两个相爱的人，只要在一起就是快乐的，即使坐在路边喝一碗热的馄炖也是幸福，小小的，小小的惊喜也是甜蜜......爱本来就是简单而平常的生活......
The same concise and nice (no repetition about this point in the comments aftermentioned).
In the first line – for people in love, I don’t think people is a good word here, for you are expressing your emotion, not writing a scripture to edify people how to behave, you are a writer, not a inculcator. So here it’s better that you emphasis the point – lovers, my suggestion is to say: ‘for two in love’ in order to hit the spirit of this poem. On another hand, people in love, who are those people, everyone is in love, your daughter is in mother love, she also belongs to people in love. So, in these two reasons, the word people has to be changed.
Could make heart feeling warm, the word could here is a question, I don’t mean to say it’s wrong or bad, however, eating wonton with your lover by roadside Must be warm, it’s no doubt and no assumption. So, just simply say: Even eating a bowl of wonton by the roadside together (or with lover) makes heart warm.
This stanza is excellent.
Third stanza:
Suddenly start missing the days in the past
The ever happiness, bliss and sweetness once cast
Never before did I have such intense feelings to ignite
Rendering the sound of heart breaking filled the night
我突然开始想念过去的某一段日子，那曾经拥有的快乐、幸福和甜蜜，是的从未有过的这样强烈的感觉，使一颗心被揉碎的声音扩散到夜空里......
ever happiness, bliss and sweetness once cast à 这里的ever没必要，后面有once cast, 建议： the happiness, bliss and sweetness ever cast.
Never before did I have such intense feelings to igniteà这句话不好, 这句话就是典型的文章语言而不是诗歌语言（开头提到过诗歌行不是简单的将美丽文章中的话机械地分开而形成）。
Rendering the sound of heart breaking filled the nightà这句话也不好，render用的次数太多，显得枯燥. 二、breaking太普通的一种破损，力度不够，Intensity不够。可以考虑cracking等更具体地描述破坏的词汇。
这一段翻译的没前两段精彩，语句感觉罗嗦，后两句压韵有些尴尬。
The fourth stanza:
Many stories once occurred and ended in the summer
And I was trapped in one chain after another
Breaking away from this one while stuck again in another
Exhausted as I am, not knowing how long I can continue to linger
好多好多的事情，在这个夏天发生和结束着，我被一个又一个的枷锁捆扰，挣脱了这个又掉进了那个，我不知道自己还能撑多久，我知道自己已经累了......
Many stories once occurred and ended in the summer – 缺少发生着、结束着的这种进程，因该采用分词。
Breaking away from this one while stuck again in another － 非常欣赏这句话，非常细腻，breaking正在挣脱，还没完全脱开，while stuck同时已经in stuck, 不过为了概念更清晰，可以考虑加上in变成 in stuck(是否要加in这取决于个人).meanwhile, I am thinking, 是否需要将in stuck提前，形成 in stuck while breaking away的概念。
这一段创作很精彩。
The world shouldn’t be dominated by our own will
It never happens that once dwelled in my imagination so real
Everyone is likely to lose courage temporarily still
I am in fright currently, so dreadful
Having lost too many things while running out of fear
All is out of my reach while I intend to catch something near
这个世界并不能被我们个人的意志左右，我曾经想象中的都没有发生，谁都可能暂时的失去勇气，现在的我就很害怕，当我在恐惧中逃跑的时候丢掉了很多的东西，我想抓住些什么，可一切离我好远好远......
It never happens that once dwelled in my imagination so realà so real不好，很牵强，一听就是为了rhyming，有人说为了压韵而损失了其他的方面是不可取的（我赞成），但我要说在写压韵诗歌中为迎合其他方面而放弃压韵是消极的！是不得以而为之！是弱者的理论！相信英语单词的组合千变万化，一定有一种途径能两全其美！只是因为我们受到英语水平的局限一时找不到更好的办法，但我们不能把这个作为一种借口说压韵不好，或者干脆放弃了去寻求两全其美的办法。（通常我的做法是，发现我的作品中压韵尴尬，但一时山重水复疑无路，就放在那里出丑好了，但我只要不忘记它，总有一天柳岸花明又一春，别人怎么说，那是别人在说，我怎么做，那是我在做。但要意识到自己作品中的不足。）
Everyone is likely to lose courage temporarily stillà still和上边 so real一样的问题。
Having lost too many things while running out of fear
All is out of my reach while I intend to catch something nearà这两句中的 while破坏的诗歌的气氛，应该省略。
这一段如果so real和still的问题解决了，可以说翻译的非常漂亮。
I walked aimlessly
Not knowing where is my destination and tomorrow
Should the days belonging to me fails to come really
Maybe my heart will be frozen together with the autumn wind till the next sunny season to follow
我走得漫无目的，也不知要走到哪里去，我不知道明天是什么样子，难道属于自己的真的不曾到来么？也许一颗心将与这秋风一起被冻结蛰伏到下一个阳光灿烂的日子......
好不容易评论到最后一段了，
Walked和下边的时态不吻合，应采用一般现在时。因为这一段是在描写目前所发生的。
Come really也出现碰压韵的尴尬现象。
Should the days ――― fails to come语法矛盾
第四句太长，太长，破坏节奏，可以考虑分两行说, to follow 还是老问题
提供一种思路去参考:我没有太仔细思考，（写这么多有点没耐心了），只把你的原话重新组合一下，看看能不能平衡一下压韵的问题。
I walk aimlessly
Where is my destination and what’s my tomorrow?
Should my days (really) never follow? ---should和really都可以表达难道的意思，括号里的really是否需要取决个人。
Maybe, my heart will be frozen
With the autumn wind till the next sunny season，With可以考虑into或者其他词汇
---comment made by Calmsea--2006-11-20 22:44:20
This is my second edition based on calmsea's instructions:
One more autumn rain, the chilliness deepens
A long-awaited rain
Renders the whole world thoroughly clean
Walking alone in the street with the night becoming lonesome
I seem soberer when the icy air cools my bosom
Being together is kind of happiness for two in love
Even eating a bowl of wonton by the roadside together makes heart warm
The tiniest surprise can bring in sweet feelings
For love itself means simple and common things
Suddenly start missing the days in the past
The happiness, bliss and sweetness once cast
Never before did I have such intense feelings
And the sound of heart cracking filled the evenings
Many stories are occurring and ending in the summer
And I was trapped in one chain after another
Breaking away from this one while stuck again in another
Exhausted as I am, not knowing how long I can linger
The world isn’t dominated by our own will
And what dominated my mind never becomes real
Everyone is likely to lose courage temporarily
And I am just in fright currently
Having lost too many things running out of fear
All is out of my reach while I intend to catch something near
I walk aimlessly
Where is my destination and what’s my tomorrow?
Should my days really never follow?
Maybe, my heart will be frozen
In the autumn wind till the next sunny season
Tuesday, 19. September 2006, 15:25:29
Translation
On the chilly rainy night
On the corner of the long gloomy street
There is always someone holding a black old umbrella in sight
Passing by so fleet
The raindrops paint his shadow so white
As the passing years ignite
Woven slantingly into the dim lines
One page after another without confines
Always feeling you are still waiting for me somewhere quietly
On every corner of the long muddy street
I have to slack my pace gradually
Searching for you deep into the drizzle so discreet
WIDGETIZE