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i havn't written here in a long time, and in truth i don't know when i will again. i've grown tired of this media - finding a title, adding tags, proof reading. it all gets to me, to the extent that i can't be bothered. twitter was fun for a while, but while it's really easy to tweet the 140 char limit's really annoying. i've considered tumblr, which seems to be more in line with what i want, but i sortof doubt i can be bothered with that either.
lots and lots of stuff has happened. well, not really, things are mostly the same, but that doesn't matter. first things first, i've gotten rid of my toyota and bought myself a propper car - white 1979 camaro z28 t-top, with a 350 cu in (5.7L) v8 engine. it's totally awesome, though i'll need to fix it up some. first off electrics need a good going through. after that steering - it's supposed to be that way i guess, a little loose, and after driving it back and forth to gbg i've gotten used to it somewhat, but i think i'll check if i can get it just a notch tighter anyways. then there are the interiors, this car's weakest point. sis suggested zebra, but i think that'd be too much work since the original interior's beige brown and it'd be hell replacing the good parts. buffy's gf suggested panther, which i think sounds really cool. or maybe i can come up with the real (heh) fur pattern of the "small, vicious animal that eats mustangs". i really, really like the t-top - didn't think it'd provide as much cool-down as it did, but it does, it really works wonders. sure, it's a bit of a bother if you have to make a lengthy stop somewhere and spend time away from the car, but it's so worth it. the first thing i did when i'd bought it was remove the wunder-baum - there's still a slight tint of vanilla to the air from time to time - just the odd whiff - but it's getting better. in place of it i've hung my metaltown band, and i have every intention of providing company in the form of a sonisphere band after i've been there.
but anyways, i drove down to gbg thu in my kick-ass camaro, thinking most of the time, listening to death and jimi hendrix on the slow sections. i guess the downside to a t-top is if it's on a v8 it's really hard to hear the music when driving highway speeds - then, i guess the sound of a v8's a kind of music in itself. went swimming w buffy, then picked up his gf and had a beer on the grass outside his apartment. a police car came by and three cops went in the next door. they stayed a really long time, not sure what was going on, and it being a white trash neighbourhood there was rubbernecking galore. i fucking hate that.
we missed out on trivium because the line was so long to get in. i and buffy's gf went for a swim before lunch and picked up buffy at work afterwards. then went to mc store to look for chaps, which they didn't have, and bought a pair of black leather pants in stead, the kind you can tighten on the sides. expensive, but i figured it couldn't be helped, it was worth it, and then the guy in the cash register informed me they were on a 70% discount - with the discount my jeans are more expensive. buffy also wanted a pair of hardrock pants, but they didn't have his size, so he wore shorts instead. one thing about black leather pants - they're fucking hot. especially in the sun, when it's close to thirty degrees centigrade in the shadow. it so was worth it though.
met a personal trainer, really nice girl that buffy sortof-knew from internet. as i said, really nice, and also good for me i guess. made me realize not all 30+ girls are self-centered, deteriorated of body and mind and with three kids, all of which have different fathers - that they can be really cute and sweet as well. it was really nice holding her hand, something like what holden describes i guess, in catcher in the rye. not bothersome or awkward, just - nice. sortof hope i get to meet her again, didn't really get to spend any time with her on sat, or at least not the kind that counts. i guess it's always a bit awkward the next day, even if you don't spend the night. and then all these fucking games, always the games. i had buffy and a friend of his to help me, or at least correct me when i was about to make a tit out of myself for acting like i was interested, which i was, but i don't like it one bit. i think i know what i'm supposed to do most of the time but it just feels so wrong. on fri, after we'd started kissing and she'd found a friend she had to talk to i really had to steel myself not to go looking for her like i wanted, to start talking to some other girls instead, and of course that worked like a charm, she came back with renewed interest, but i don't want to have to do that. not ask but tell when i text her, wait ten minutes before answering, acting indifferent, it's just not how i'd like to roll. i'd rather just do what i want, what i feel like.
sometimes i feel absolutely jaded. totally indifferent to everything, everything save human contact. feeling someones skin, tasting someones lips or, with the right girl, just holding hands. then i see opeth live, and i know it's not gotten that bad, not yet, there're still other things i can enjoy. yet, i cannot really shake the feeling that most of the time i'm just a spectator, even when participating. sure, there's fun stuff, i do fun stuff, but it's just not the same anymore, hasn't been for a long time. sometimes i shine through, the clouds part and i can see the sky. i think too much, all the time - buffy must've told me that twenty times this weekend, and i know he's right. more right than he knows, he thinks it's just about girls when it's about anything, everything.
sat was interesting, despite not hanging out too much with the pt. after the concerts and a stop at a really weird place where the bartenders were more interested in looking like buster keaton (in a bad way) than in serving drinks we ended up at sticky fingers. i got so happy, because they had medieval madness, the pinball game i used to play at sf before they decided they shouldn't have pinball games anymore, and i won a few credits so buffy and his friend could play. then she left, and we hung around the bar jumping to the music and drinking scotch-and-sodas, if you can still call it that when it's made with jack. there was this girl, must've been around 20, that was acting so weird - in a good way - that when it was closing time i just had to ask her if i could kiss her, and when to my surprise she let me i just had to verify that she was in fact not going to bring me home - to which she laughed and said of course she wasn't. me and buffy needed burgers ofc, and after that and buying snacks and candy at 7-eleven the trams'd started running so we took one home instead of a taxi. well, home... buffy lives in the fucking jungle, so it was like an hour's walk (including detours and such, maybe 30 min sober) from the tram to the apartment. his gf (who's really tollerant and generally nice and good) had expressed worries and somehow buffy hadn't managed to keep in touch, but she was really cool about it all. buffy'd had perhaps half a gt too many to sleep though so we sat outside in dressing gowns drinking water and talking. buffy's the kind of guy uses paracord and a carabiner to (fail to) keep track of his keys, and using this as a thrown weapon he managed to hit himself in the head. once we'd stopped laughing enough we could actually talk again we speculated over exactly where the police'd drive two bathrobed, barefeet, pickled-to-the-gills lunatics laughing their asses off, one walking around with a glass of water, the other one rolling on the grass next to a metal pitcher clutching his head. conclusion: probably not "some place nice".
i guess there should be more about the music here... meshuggah was really cool, and we had a fun time moshing to pilgrimz. still, as always, opeth... somehow it never ceases to amaze me just how good they are, how tight, how fun. how noone can hold a candle to them live, not even meshuggah.

psst, hey. yeah, you. come here for a second, will ya. i've got something to tell you. nah, don't be afraid, this'll only take a second.

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i don't know how long i've known. more than a year surely. that stream of consciousness is the greatest piece of music ever created. it's in my head all the time, always. every week, almost every day. sure, it's replaced from time to time, but it finds its way back. in a way, it's my tinitus, a good kind. it's mostly the section i think of as the nightmare before christmas part - something's up with jack - but sometimes it's other parts as well.
last night i went out for beers with a friend, in nkpg. we met up at a pre-party in a dorm room, which was actually more of a war zone, marshmallow santa claus:es being the weapon of choice, and an extremely attractive girl the most ardent assailant. we drank wine in shot glasses, and after lots of ambling and changed minds managed to decide where to continue the night, and did so. i've got a new favourite drink. it's called caipirinha. despite the weird spelling it's the tits.
i was talking to this girl. my friend had told her i knew this really good joke - which i didn't - so i told her a riddle instead, and then just kept on chatting for a bit. and i got this thought. when i was in daycare, we'd tell each other jokes. really lame ones, and we'd tell them hundreds of times, despite everyone having heard them before. so i got to thinking. is this something that all kids do, or was it just during my era? if i ever meet a daycare worker again (like i did a couple weeks back) i'll have to ask.
i don't dance. not ever. and for good reason: it's not fun. and when you don't think it's fun, people can tell, and you feel awkward, which in turn makes it even less fun. so i don't. this is - contrary to what some people say - actually a good thing. you shouldn't do stuff you don't want to do, and that's that. so i hung around by myself for a bit. there was a fight i almost walked into - not geting involved or anythhing, it's just that noone was screaming, only strangling each other, so i didn't realize they were fighting at first. i was just passing by, waiting for the crowd to let me through.
there were angels everywhere, and when i got home today i had glitter on my face. the mark of the witch - she was a nice one, not particularly wicked. now i've showered the glitter's gone, save one tiny spark.
on my way home-home there was a traffic accident on the highway. seemed like two cars and a bus were involved. one of the cars was in the left lane, and looked pretty banged up. i was a bit worried someone'd run into my tail since the traffic came to a complete stand-still, and remembered what my dad told me when we were in a similar situation in spain, with my uncle behind the wheel. make sure you've got your neck in contact with the headrest. it makes perfect sense to me now, but i don't think i'd ever thought about it before he told me.

i went to stockholm this weekend. stockholm is a good place to be. me and a friend was to meet another friend from japan, but he missed his flight so we had to do without him until he arrived much later than he was originally supposed to. we went to this really cool place with a friend from work that graciously offered to guide us called akkurat that supposedly and actually had lots of good beer. they only had one stout (guninness - no surprise there) but a shitload of ales and others. and that's where i saw the most beautiful girl. not in the raw sex, in-your-face cocky way some girls are beautiful, but emanating shy prettiness and happiness and joy. at first i thought she'd look better with another hairstyle (she had some sort of neck-length hair with a bang toupéed on one side from the look of it, while i usually prefer girls' hair to be long, all of it) but then i changed my mind. in fact, i doubt i'd've noticed how utterly prettiful she was if she'd had the hairstyle i generally advocate. she had slender but well-defined facial features, sortof a bit like a mix between (shannyn) sossamon and keira (knightley) and something about her was uncanningly familiar, like i had seen her before and knew her slightly. it wasn't until i was driving home today i realized she reminded me of a bartender i found really pretty and nice, but more self-aware than this girl. she left the pub a short while after i noticed her, but she came back in my dreams this morning, and she was happy and laughing.
my japanese friend brought some japanese snacks for me and my swedish friend, and a bunch of dragon ball stickers, which was nice. also, he left/forgot a japanese softcore mag in the apartement, so i am now the proud owner of such an item. it's even censored.
today we visited the wasa museum, which is really cool. i had forgot, but remembered upon seeing the ship, that i had a small model version of wasa when i was a child - the kind you buid yourself from a thousand pieces. it took ages and ages to build, because there were so many details. you had to attach all the cannon hatches, and on each hatch you had to attach the lion head. i remember waiting for the moment when i could attach the tail piece, beacuse i thought it was really cool since it was so decorated. after we left our japanese friend in custody of his other friends, me and my swedish friend went to eat. we decided on sushi, and managed to walk a good ten minutes through stockholm without running into one sushi restaurant (which has to be seen as a major achievement) so we opted for one of the dozen-or-so within two minutes walk from the apartement. the one we choose had bibimbap, so i just had to have that instead of sushi, and it was great. maybe not as good as the one i had the last time i was in stockholm, but really, really good. and so much i couldn't eat all of it, which vexes me a bit. all in all, i had a great weekend, and for once i spent it doing stuff rather than just sleeping and doing nothing.