My Family Moves to India

That reads like a typical Indian newspaper headline. They tend to glom unrelated items together, and leave you to figure out the connection.

(S is laughing and claiming that I have a warped sense of humor. Believe me, I am not laughing. The kitten died in my arms and I spent the rest of the evening crying. My poor sweet kitties. India may have won this round, but we'll be back in a couple of weeks to try again.)

Meanwhile, prayers were answered and our kids both had stellar first days of school. L went back to his old class, pre-kindergarten (or plus 4, as it is called here); J went on to second grade with her new teacher, Ms. B. Both waltzed into their classrooms like they owned the place, and neither cried ALL DAY. After peeling a screaming J off of me every day for 8 weeks last year, I can't tell you how happy I was about her finally adjusting to school. And L - those of you who knew us in Illinois, know that he cried, clung, and ran after me every day for three years. sigh. Obviously, separation for academics is not something that we do well.

For us moms, the opening day of school was like a family reunion. Everyone who was gone during the summer (which is pretty much everyone who attends - all expatriates) was back, so we had great fun chatting and catching up on the news. And of course the new people with children are all there too, so you get to meet them. There is a new LDS family in town, which is great. I'm looking forward to getting to know them.

Whoohoo, school has begun!

1. How long does the trip back to the US take from Chennai?
This last return trip took us 34 hours, door-to-door. There are typically three flights involved: an 8-9 hour leg to Europe; another 8-9 hour leg to the US; and then a shorter hop to whatever city in the US that is our final destination.

Personally I find jet lag much easier to cope with if we take an overnight break in either Europe or the gateway city in the US (usually Chicago).

2. How do the kids like the trip?
My kids are great travellers. Since we usually fly business class (thank you MNC!), they enjoy a relatively huge seating area, adjustable seat, blanket, pillow, on-demand TV and video games, and non-stop food. If you call ahead the airlines will usually have some sort of kid's meal and kid's gift (little toys). They also like the business class bag-o-goodies, complete with eyepatches and socks for the flight.

The only one who gets airsick is me.

3. How much does the flight cost?
Of course this varies. Currently we pay about $2000 USD for an economy seat. Kid's seats are cheaper on some airlines. Business class costs thousands more.

4. What about school?
There is one school in Chennai that caters to American students. Naturally enough, it is called The American International School. When I say "caters to Americans", I mean that it follows the Amerian school calendar (summer break falls in June & July) and an American curriculum. It also does not have uniforms. However, the student body is composed mainly of other nationals - the majority are Koreans. Instruction is in English and the campus is air-conditioned.

Indian schools have a summer break during the hottest part of the year (April-May), and often don't have AC.

Yesterday we had it out with the school. I got a phone call from J's teacher, she-whose-name-shall-never-be-mentioned-in-our-house-again , to the effect that J could not return to her class if J could not "walk in on her own". (If you don't remember, we had agreed on several strategies to reduce J's anxiety over having this teacher, one of which was that the counselor would walk in with her each morning, since *I* am not allowed to be in the classroom.) She obviously felt that we were pampering J, and that J was faking her anxiety and illnesses.

That was followed a couple of hours later by a hysterical phone call from J, on my husband's driver's phone - he had gone to pick up L at noon and saw J sitting in the hallway, outside in the 110 F heat, sobbing. So he let her call me ("She suffering, Mam", he later told me.)

That toppled the cake. I called S, and stormed over to the school to pick J up immediately. I demanded a meeting with the principal, who was no help at all, as he pointed out that while there is a grievance procedure in place, with only 3 days of school left and both he and the she-devil teacher leaving, there wasn't any point in pursuing it. So be it. I withdrew J for the year.

S came a few minutes later and the principal got his opinion too. I wasn't there but I believe it was along the lines of "Why should we pay you to torment our child?", and "What kind of a manager allows his employees (the teacher ) this kind of leeway?" At any rate, the principal admitted to him that this particular teacher had been promised a 5th grade class and then moved to 1st grade, and, I quote "has been taking it out on people ever since".

Hmmmm. If it weren't for L's TOTALLY EXCELLENT teacher , we would withdraw both kids.

We will try again next year. I have signed up to be the room mother for J's class, so that should allow me to keep my finger on the pulse of the class, as well as reassuring J. Also, there will be a new principal for the elementary and this she-devil teacher is leaving India. That's good. J got the new 2nd grade teacher, who is moving here, so the teacher won't know as much/anything about J - won't be predisposed negatively towards her.

I am also going to get J's attendance records from our old school, to prove that NORMALLY she has very good attendance. I guess the glowing letter from her old teacher wasn't enough to convince she-devil that J is really a sweet child, who regularly and happily attends school.

Sadly, we are not the only parents who are displeased with this teacher ("I can't believe she is an American", one confided in me), and J is not the only child that this teacher is bullying. I watched her chastise two Korean boys to the point of tears over some spilled food at lunch one day. I have a feeling that she is very unhappy here, and the kids are easy targets.

On the flip side, I had a very long and interesting parent/teacher/audiologist conference with L's teacher today. I cannot say enough good about L's teacher . She truly is incredible. She got her audiologist friend, a very qualified and well-known woman, to evaluate L. We had a very good discussion and are all completely on the same page: L needs an aid next year - not to tutor him in academics but to work with him in a small group setting, focussing on L's social skills. We don't want L to feel as if he is getting the sole attention of this individual, because then he will use it to his advantage. Instead, we want this aid to simply help out in the classroom while keeping a close eye on L and encouraging him to learn to interact positively with his peers, to do his schoolwork, and to learn in a group setting. Also, the audiologist is going to follow up on my concerns about L's hearing in group settings - I really feel that he has some sort of processing or actual hearing problem when there is background noise. So we will begin that evaluation in July. Since we are in India, not only will we get a highly qualifed professional evaluation, but it will also be dirt cheap and we won't have to undergo the long, arduous insurance approval process.

The general attitude and environment for children in India is so much better for children. Yes, people kill their girls - but there are also parents who cherish them dearly. Yes, child labor is a huge problem - you can go into almost any store and find someone who looks too young to be working. But education is also stressed heavily. Yes, you see naked children on the street occasionally, and beggars drag their babies over to your stopped car claiming they are hungry - but the majority of children are clothed and are loved. There is just a lot more contrast in India than in America.

Overall, they are much more tolerant of children, and their approach to children with behavioural problems is more of a wholistic one than that of the American system. So instead of constant censure, L gets a much more positive image of himself. So does J - just not from her former teacher.

The entire thing reminded me of President Monson's talk some years ago about the influence of a good teacher on a child's life. (http://www.lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=5ec79aafed472110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1)Truly, this cannot be overlooked or understated. I hope that J learns that she is a strong girl who can handle difficult people in her life, but I also pray that her new teacher is much more confidence-instilling and kind. Otherwise, I shall be seriously considering homeschooling her. What a shame, as she is such a gregarious child. We shall see.

OK, not 99. 390 to be exact. I know this because I got to sit in the front hall and mark them off on the "Bingo" sheet as they came in the door. I felt like a queen bee, with worker bees (the movers) buzzing all around me. It went fairly smoothly and so far the only damage is to Shawn's plasma TV, which is ruined, thanks to a zealous customs officer with a box cutter. Needless to say, he's pretty steamed.

Now all I have to do is unpack them. As S said, it's like Christmas on crack.

Frankly, it's embarrassing to have so much stuff in a country where everyone else is so poor. I feel materialistic and greedy owning so much; yet I also am very relieved to have our own beds, pillows, mattresses, sheets, etc. My feelings on this issue are extremely conflicted.

At any rate, the unpacking is going well. We have accomplished the kitchen, Jessa's room, and the master bedroom, and tonight I started on L's room. There is still much to be done, but it's getting better.

It does help that any time I need some help - as in moving a box, or putting something away that requires a ladder - I can call on a guard or my driver. In fact, some of us expatriate wives have taken to calling our drivers "MacGuyver", since they are so versatile. Yesterday mine fixed the shower head that wouldn't work correctly (it would only spray the ceiling, definitely a disadvantage unless you were a gecko), and he hadn't even ever seen a shower before. So there you are. These guys certainly have a genetic connection with MacGuvyer somewhere.

Lest you think having servants is all peaches and cream and me sitting around popping bonbons while they slave away, though, let me just tell you that their work ethics are shaky at best. My maid didn't come for three days in a row, and then was an hour late, all of which adds up to a lot of lies from her and a lot of stress for me (because I hate conflict and so am not a good manager). Oh well. At least she, and the other maid that I hired in her absence, got most of the dirt off of the floors today.

And hilariously, my driver has canoodled his own room out of the other driver's family. I didn't realize that until Sudhakar, the driver who lives with us, slipped up and called it "Arul's room". Hmmmm. Methinks Arul is up to something. Sleeping, most likely. That man is either on the phone or sleeping all day, unless he is actually doing something for me.

But who can blame them in this heat? It is still well over 100 F and I sleep a lot too. I came down with a nasty sinus infection Sunday. Thankfully, I had the correct medications to take care of it, or I would have spent the day sitting at the hospital. But I still feel run down. The heat just really takes it out of you.

As for the kids, they are doing well. J still hates school, but we had a conference with the school counselor and her teacher, and she is slowly adjusting. Unfortunately, her teacher did not follow through with what she promised to do for J, which further destroyed our confidence in her. But, school is almost over, and next year we will have a choice of three teachers, so we are hoping for a better experience.

Her teacher actually wanted her to be held back, but we refused, since she was basing her recommendation on an entire 6 days of observation, and J was petrified the entire time. She can and does do the work easily when I sit down with her. Not only that, but J is one of the oldest in her class, since her birthday is in the fall. So she goes on to 2nd grade next year.

L's teacher continues to be excellent. She really is a gem. We are holding him back, as he needs more time with her. He also is further behind academically than J, and of course, he's a boy. Holding him back won't affect his future education much, since he will only be slightly older than the other children.

So that's about all I do these days: school, unpacking, and servants. It's very, very busy.

Happy Homemaker's Tip of the Day:

Polished tile or marble floors look worse after you mop them than before, if you are using hard water. If that is the case, then the key to a shiny floor is drying them with a towel - or using a sponge mop and not the weird styrofoam-type Indian mops. Bring your own mops, ladies!

On the Illinois front:

We signed a contract on our house tonight. The offer is contingent on the buyer selling her house, so we will continue to show our house, but it's still a good thing. She has 90 days to sell her house and buy ours. Having a firm offer within a month is a big blessing.

I am slowly but surely sorting all of our stuff into 5 categories (see previous blog). This weekend we will do the final suitcase packing (we are taking an unreal amount of luggage) and tag all of our big items with colored tape, delineating where they go. The packers come Monday!

Also on Monday we will move into a local hotel, since our beds will be leaving soon thereafter.

S has a local offer on his car - yay! He's still debating whether or not to drive to Indianapolis and get the car appraised at CarMax, but after talking it over with a friend who's used CarMax in the past, I think that the local offer will win.

J is over her fever, finally - she was out of school for 4 days.

L has split his lip, cut his hand on a broken glass, and today, tried to kick his own rear end in the boy's bathroom (egged on by some 4th graders), which resulted in a spill. Oh, don't I wish I had video of that one. I think he's feeling some stress about the move.

S is almost done with work at the Decatur plant. His last day is next Wednesday; then he gets to help me run all those last-minute errands while the packers load the container.

Best of all, I got our Florida vacation set up. We leave Illinois on the 10th, go to Orlando, go to the temple, do some Disney, and then go on to Siesta Key for a week on the beach. Oh, I am so ready for that!!!


On the Chennai front:

No news about our house. I like it that way. I've decided that I don't even want to know until I get there. Denial and avoidance keep me going.

I got our US mail forwarded to Peoria, then on to Shawn's office at Thiruvallar. We'll see how this works.

Our plane tickets are reserved. We leave from Tampa on Monday, the 26th; lay over for a day in Frankfurt on the 27th; and arrive in Chennai around midnight the 28th.

Our hotel reservations for the first month are made, at Le Royale Meridien, for a suite, so we can have a bit more room.

I finally got the last of the paperwork done for the children's school in Chennai. The application is like a book - they even want their bloodtype - so it was no mean feat!