NIMOVBY*
Wednesday, 23. July 2008, 08:56:22
Summer in Devon and Cornwall sees the arrival in large numbers of the NIMOVBY*.
Despite its Russian-sounding name, the NIMOVBY is from deepest England. It leaves its usual habitat in July and August, as if compelled to be by the sea. Upon arrival it immediately searches for indigenous marine life such as seals, dolphins, basking sharks and the Great White of St Ives. Once these are spotted, the NIMOVBY feels content and ready to go back home.
The NIMOVBY traverses the realm in a spotless, shiny and air-freshened car, but wishes the salt air wouldn't be quite so corrosive. Moreover, the NIMOVBY objects to local practices such as the possession of children and dogs, both of which are a noisy, messy inconvenience. The NIMOVBY has particular disdain for centuries-old Cornish pastimes such as skateboarding and surfing. These it regards as deviations from the norm, but not in an acceptable, Mosleyan sense. Far from it, for some NIMOVBYs believe that skateboarding is a crime which should be punishable via a minimum term of 15 years' imprisonment, while others say that unless a surfer is called Maximilian Von Spume, 17, muscular and from Hawaii, he shouldn't be in the water.
If you see a NIMOVBY, the best thing to do is smile sweetly. They will be gone again soon
* NIMOVBY - Not In My Occasionally Visited Back Yard.
Despite its Russian-sounding name, the NIMOVBY is from deepest England. It leaves its usual habitat in July and August, as if compelled to be by the sea. Upon arrival it immediately searches for indigenous marine life such as seals, dolphins, basking sharks and the Great White of St Ives. Once these are spotted, the NIMOVBY feels content and ready to go back home.
The NIMOVBY traverses the realm in a spotless, shiny and air-freshened car, but wishes the salt air wouldn't be quite so corrosive. Moreover, the NIMOVBY objects to local practices such as the possession of children and dogs, both of which are a noisy, messy inconvenience. The NIMOVBY has particular disdain for centuries-old Cornish pastimes such as skateboarding and surfing. These it regards as deviations from the norm, but not in an acceptable, Mosleyan sense. Far from it, for some NIMOVBYs believe that skateboarding is a crime which should be punishable via a minimum term of 15 years' imprisonment, while others say that unless a surfer is called Maximilian Von Spume, 17, muscular and from Hawaii, he shouldn't be in the water.
If you see a NIMOVBY, the best thing to do is smile sweetly. They will be gone again soon
* NIMOVBY - Not In My Occasionally Visited Back Yard.
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