Exploring Love & Life

I've been a good girl all my life. I played that role so well.
Trying to be some perfect version of a human being. Or perhaps trying to excel beyond my humanity.
When I was young, I remember my friend's parents saying to their kids..."Why can't you be more like Nicole?" And at the time I was proud of my accomplishments, morals, integrity and way of life. I thought that was the way I was supposed to be. The good girl.

I never smoked or did trippy drugs. Never been exceptionally drunk. It's the fruity drinks with little umbrellas and pineapple on top that I like! Or maybe a glass of white wine. I've never been so drunk and wild that I loose all inhibitions, partying so hard that I couldn't remember the next day. I've never been skinny dipping in the ocean or had a one night stand. So many "human" experiences I have not had.

I've always been sensible and tried to live a good life. Sometimes as I look back, I wonder if I missed some valuable growth experiences that happens when you're being wild and free spirited. Or maybe I was too wise to fall into those pitfalls anyway!! (hopefully that's it)

I have a bad girl side too (hehe). But I try to keep that part of me under control and hidden away most of the time. Occasionally she slips out without me realizing (haha). Really I can't call that part of me bad, just a part of my personality.
I've always thought I was a free, spiritual, open and artsy person. And I am, but I'm also reserved and have this code that I have lived most of my life by. But what is right and wrong, good and bad anyway? Who decides what is acceptable or not. Who makes the rules?

I guess I've expected a lot from myself.
But what do I do now... let the good girl out to play or keep her in the box?

The reality is that there is no box. And it's a fine line between good and bad, freedom and limitation. I do feel compelled to change in some way though. My goal is to live the grandest life and be as happy and loving as I can. To keep my integrity while allowing myself to grow and expand beyond the limitations. To have more fun! After all, being human is what I am supposed to be on this path of life.

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open."
-Martha Graham

That quote keeps me going and inspires me to share. To play and create as much as I can! This photo was taken during an art demonstration. Showing my techniques using pastels and sharing my creative vision.

I've been away from blogging so long. I've almost forgotten what it is!
I miss my blog...I still love you just been away doing other things.

Life has a way of spinning you around so fast it's easy to loose track of things. And to not find time to blog and connect.
In the past few months I started writing a book...about art and intuition. I'm really passionate about it and excited to see it coming together well.
So my brain has been focused on really completing my book and printing next year.

I also joined Inner Space Writers group.
So I've been writing stories, mostly fiction. We randomly get a topic and have to write on that subject and turn it in within two weeks.
I've enjoyed expressing different ideas and getting feedback from the group.

Here's the link, check out what I've been busy writing. And see the other authors as well.
Inner Space Writers Group

Hope you are happily living and that life is going well with lots of love and good things.
Peace

Being creative is almost like drowning
in a sea of ideas!
Sometimes my goals and dreams seem too big, too complicated. Like I need to be three people just to accomplish it all.

What do I choose?
How do I accomplish it successfully? blah blah blah...

Sometimes doubts or procrastination delay me from attaining what I want. Those delays help me to figure things out. But they keep me from experiencing things quickly.

There is a flow and a timing to the way things happen. There are people and opportunities to connect with when the timing is right. Otherwise things become frustrating and difficult.

I love it when things flow easily and when I actually accomplish one of my goals. It's so amazing! But then comes my next idea and the next... So there is always a striving desire for more. Always some creative inspiration ready to be expressed and dreamed of.
That's what it's like being a creative human. It never ends...

Some of my goals include teaching, writing books, art instruction videos, art products in stores, art exhibitions, and many other personal goals.
Maybe one day I will feel that peace of successful accomplishment and being really fulfilled.
I'm happy that I've accomplished a lot. But always striving for more.