Archive: August 2009
By Leon Scott Baxter
Do you remember first falling for your spouse? Those late nights talking on the phone? Surprising her with a dozen roses? Skipping sleep to write him that epic love poem? Can u recall those countless hours when thoughts and images of your sweetheart seemed constantly to invade your mind? How your hands got sweaty when u thought of him? Your heart pounding moments before you went in for the goodnight kiss?
LOVE is so emotional, straight from the heart, right? WRONG! Althou it’s strong, it’s powerful, it connects our souls, and can take over thoughts during the day and our dreams at night, there’s a science behind love. It’s chemical and comes straight from the brain.
The more we understand the science of love, the better we’ll understand ourselves, and the better our chances at keeping romance alive, our love fresh, and our marriage strong.
REMEMBER WHEN? (new love)
When we think of love, its usually exciting and passionate. The lover’ca cant get enough of each other. They can’t sleep. Their hearts race. Their palms get sweaty. And there’s always incredible sex.
So we think, I wouldn’t mind having some of that! Why isn’t my relationship that exciting?
Because, that’s “new love”. That’s fresh love. That’s the love we used to have.
Phenylethylamine (PEA) is one of the culprits for the excitement of ‘new love’. PEA is a rain chemical that acts like an amphetamine (yes the drug) during the early stages of relationship. Your body reacts to it like it would an upper, but without the harmful side effects and embarrassment of failing a urine test.
Think about falling in love with your mate. Remember the feeling like walking on air, the cloud nine effect, and tossing and turning in bed just thinking about him or her? Those were the drug like symptoms of PEA.
The Love-letter Culprit
Another effect of PEA is the release of the chemical dopamine. This little neurotransmitter – a chemical messenger that sends a message from one nerve cell to another in the brain- boosts both our energy levels and our motivation. Why do you think men write love letters and wear cologne and take showers early on in relationships? They’r being flooded with dopamine.
Can you ever go back to those ladies? Three words: Ab-so-Lutely! A man’s dopamine’s level rise when he’s challenged (such as when he was first courting you), at risk (asking you out on the first date), or when he feels needed, appreciated and rewarded for his efforts.
So bring him back the dopamine-induced stupor. Get him motivated to romance you again. Start recognizing his efforts, no matter how minor. Then praise him “the yard looks great honey” or stroke his ego in bed, “wow you are such a wonderful lover” or ask for help: “am having a problem at work, think you can help me with it?” or “can u give me a hand with this crossword puzzle?” Let him feel successful, then be ready for him to reciprocate with a little deodorant and a few lines of “roses are red…”
The Hormone of Desire
That would have to be the testosterone. Dopamine is the spigot to testosterone’s faucet, but its not a hormone just for men. Testosterone is present in both men and women. It is release to prepare our bodies for intimacy. That would explain why we’re so sexually active during the early stage of marriage.
When we fall in love, our hearts race, our hands turn into sweaty messes, and we can become more jittery than a bunny after a double mocha latte (it’s a wonder we are still attracted to each other after all of that). Norepinephrine is one of the reasons. It’s a second cousin (on his mothers side) to amphetamines and stimulates the production of adrenalin, which increases our blood pressure when we are in the presence of our love interest.
Here and Now (romantic love)
Couples often strive to get back to the stage of “new love”. Althou we can grab hold of some of the past, we need to be thankful that we are forced to move on. How could we get through life with all of this constant heart-pounding, sweaty palms, sleep deprivation and obsessive craving?
Scientist believe that somewhere after one year and a half to 4 years, the body grows used to these natural stimulants that bombard our system during “new love”. When that happens, love changes. And many couples find it difficult to accept the new phase of their relationship: “romantic love” . it’s why divorce rates climb around the fourth year marriage.
But there’s good news. The brain rewards us for “romantic love”. Instead of the heart-pounding excitement of PEA and its cronies, “romantic love” rewards us with loyalty, comfort, stability, intimacy, dependability, and sense of long term-term commitment. So maybe our palms aren’t sweaty, but we feel comfortable and loved in this next phase, mainly because of endorphins.
Built-in Reward System
Endorphins are the neurotransmitters our brains release to reward us for good behavior. When we win, we laugh, exercise, have sex, or fall in love, endorphins are released. They’re the reasons why we want to continue winning, laughing, exercising, having sex and falling in love. Endorphins motivate and energize us. They make us feel happy and alive and allow us to cope with stress easily.
Serotonin is not the girl you used to sit next to in the 3rd grade. It’s the neurotransmitter that women produce during the “romantic love” phase. Serotonin eases women, relaxing them, allowing them to feel comfort, contentment and optimism, but only their husbands give them the opportunity.
So, fellas, whats a guy need to do to get those serotonin juices flowing? Romance her. Meet her needs, find out what they are: an ear to listen , help with the kids, a night in town, sexual intimacy. When you meet her needs, your wife’s guard comes down, serotonin is allowed to increase, and endorphins are released, resulting in relaxation and an overall feeling of pleasure. Sounds kind of hammock-on an island nice, doesn’t it?
The Cuddle Chemical
A pleasant side effect of increased serotonin is the release of oxytocin. This little bugger is just phenomenal. It’s been called “the hormone of love”, “the foundation of romance” and even “the key to lasting relationships”. And, get this, it affects both men and women.
Oxytocin lets us bond with the ones we love. Instead of insomniatic thoughts of our love interest, we feel peacefully warm, loving and affectionate toward him or her. The release of oxytocin is often triggered by touch: a hug, back massage, even a gently brush on the neck. But the hormone can also respond to other types of cues: a whisper in the ear, a song on the radio, or a pleasing fragrance.
When oxytocin is doing it job, we feel the need to romantically or intimately touch the one we love, which in turn, releases the flow of the hormone in your mate. Suddenly, they feel the need to touch us. Before you know it, we’ve got a perpetual motion machine fueled by the cuddle chemical.
The hormone increases our passion and romance. It stimulates testosterone flow (which might temporarily makes uf feel were back in the “new love”). But most important, oxytocin releases more endorphins , our prize for staying in love so long.
When it comes down to it, “new love” is amphetamine and adrenalin-based. It’s fun and exciting. But the last 10, 20, or even 50 years, we must embrace and enjoy the ride that “romantic love” offers us. This part of our relationship is endorphin-based.
During “new love” we love the way we feel, but during “romantic love” we love the way love feels”.
RAPE ON THE PLANE....
Actually there are a lot of Saudi rape and abuse cases reported in newspapers. Their govt. will protect their own citizens and usually turn a blind eye towards the victims (foreigners) or even jail them for supposedly making false accusations. So, stay the same..
The most horrific incident has recently occurred on a Emirates Airlines and the culprits have gotten away with it. The worst thing about this case is that this is the 4th case to have happened on this airline.
During the Christmas of 2005, Emirates Airline made it's regular flight from Dubai to Manila. However, 4 hours into the flight, most passengers were sleeping or dozing off.. A man approached a lady who was alone and asked her to assist his child in the bathroom.
Not thinking much the lady followed the gentleman to the rear of the plane. Immediately she was grabbed by the man's 3 accomplices who immediately gagged and taped her mouth and then went on to rape her in the back area of the craft while 2 kept watch, 2 others molested and raped her.
After they had all had a turn, they forced her to drink a drug laced drink and escorted her to her seat. She had knocked off until she arrived in manila by which time the 4 men had disembarked and gotten away.
This is a repeat case of the same thing that happened on a flight from Dubai to Mumbai on a Emirates airline.
The Emirates staff are aware of this but when the staff have some suspicion of some incident taking place they make it a point to avoid going to the back of the plane. This is the 4th case to take place on Emirates airline.
However the worst case of a rape victim on a emirates flight was when a flight from Bangkok to Dubai .. The lady was not only raped on flight but she was taken thru immigration into Dubai and raped for several days and then later on sold to the underground.
Please pass this on to all females who travel alone.
Be happy PLS
Hi noemi, hw ar u. I like photo. Its cool.
Abdulahi Uthman O.
Any friend inhouse?
thanks for dropping bye guys
thanks for dropping by sami
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