Searching for the Sun

I don't know about you all, but I don't want to move a muscle. The mouse is too heavy... Why bother to move it? I had no will for doing anything today. I am not evn sure I'm writing correctly right now. My fingers, you see, refuse to press all keyes... So, i appologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes.
It had been raining all day, so I just waisted time all day long, moving from one couch to the other, watching "Survivor". 'Course, there were plenty of thongs I should have done. OOOOOPS!!! I just wrote "THONGS" instead of "THINGS". No thongs! OOps! I mean .... NEVERMIND!
OK! Back to serious things! SO, I should have continued my Italian courses, should have cleaned the house or done something useful. But I didn't. Why? Rain's just drowning all my strenght and will. That is why I am always searching for the sunshine... No sunshine, no mood for anything.
So, what shall I write about tonight? I had some ideas to "chew" for my post today... Wanna hear? 1: The Romanian troops in Irak and Afghanistan. 2: A joke about drunk soldiers 3: Small town gossips. 4: The extinction of a specie: Bestfriends. Which one shall it be in my next post? I don't know yet... Tonight... I am just too lazy to think about serious topics.
I am just chillin' and eating plum compote. YUMMY!

See you around!

My exBF, Daniel, called this morning. He needed someone to talk to. He was so sad. I feel so sorry for him. But still, that conversation made me feel a bit strange. We'd been together for 5-6 months and, after the breakup, he tried, another 6, to get me back. No results. I wanted so baddly to break up with this guy, to have the less contact possible with him, to stop beeing his "lover&best friend" as he used to call me. Now he calls to share a bad news, to look for a friend. Why I wanted to get as far as I could from him ? He didn't do anything wrong... No, but nothing was right, either... Aw! something was, but it wasn't enough to compensate the rest. I am writting crap tonight! Do I still have some feeligs for him? He ment a lot to me some time ago, but I still broke his heart and leave. I wanted a diffrent life. I didn't leave him for another, although I could have fallen into a trap... "A trap" which had blue eyes and asked me out ( Mike). After two dates with Mike, I saw his true nature-an asshole! So, Mike wasn't the reason I broke up with D. The reason: I wanted my freedom back. I am going to be honest about D: he was so sweet,so kind, he loved me, he was great in bed, but he was so dull and borring! I'd rather be single and fall for some blue eyes, than get borred with a BF like D! I know, guys! I am a meen person!
I still care about D, as a friend, I'm trying to be a good friend, but I wish he'd find a new GF as soon as possible 'cause I don't want him to rely on me anymore.
I don't realy know why I post this... It's crap!

Good night!


P.S. Do I have a thing for blue-eyed men? Nooo!

I keep a diary since I was 12. I use to write on agendas, notebooks, pieces of paper. Paper was my friend, my chat-partner, my consciousness. It helped me catch the moments and send them through the years like a "message in a bottle". That paper could be coloured, I could draw on it, I could add newspaper cuts, hide personal pictures from strangers' eyes. Oh! some sheets even had their own perfume! I could use a code (some sort of alphabet I invented a long long time ago).

Each agenda had its name and its "Art page". The "Art page" was at the end and it had poetry or drawings. There are only silly things, but I think they're cute.

I took some time one day to re-read some of the early notes and I discovered that I used to write more about my friends and acquaintances than about myself. There were the so-called "stories" about some people I knew. I used to write about my relations with them, things they did, how they were like or what kind of impression they made to me. There were real facts mixed with rumors.

Then I wrote about myself, about the decisions I made. Looking back helped me remember details and helped me reconsider some situations or feelings.

I use to write about the first impression about someone. I've noticed that first impression is the real one, most of the time.

The little voice inside knows better if the person should be trusted or not.


A diary was and still is a mean of getting away from reality to stimulating immagination.
Keeping a diary helped me grow up, helped me keep my head clear and analyse my mistakes. It presented just one point of view: mine. No one ever read my diary and I don't think I'll ever let them read it.
I remember my English teacher in High School had once asked the class if we had diaries and if we did, who were they written for? My answer was: "for my children, when I'll have any".
Now I realize how strange this answer might have sounded to her. I don't think I'll preserve those old agendas untill I have kids. But if I will, I guess it may be a way for them to change their opinion about their Mom and maybe to understand her better, 'cause she was a teenager too. I don't know...

Would you let your kids read your diary (the diary you keep now or the one you kept when you were younger)?

On paper, I could write anywhere, anytime: in the house, in the garden, in bed,with the lights out, with the blaket over my head and a flash light on... Silly child!

Now I show my diary on line, I called it "Searching for the Sun" and other people can post their opinions about it. More points of view can reach the truth easier!
There is one funny thing, 'though. There's something I can't do, on line:
I can't make it smell like perfume, as I used to do with the agendas 10 years ago...

I just hope it won't stink!

See ya!