Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine started off a little rough, with my daughter throwing up at 5am, and again at 6am, and again at 7am, and again, and again, and again until my hands were bleeding from the combination of cleaning my house and disinfecting them so much. Sounds like a fun time, eh? She's feeling much better now.

I did a little bit of shopping before the holiday--not a big fan of fighting the Black Friday crowds. Home Depot was our first stop. Here's an assignment for you. Go to Home Depot, and walk aimlessly down the aisles. Seek out employees walking quickly from the front to the back of the store (this usually means they are heading for their break). Watch how fast they turn down the next aisle to avoid your waving "HELP ME" signals. All you have to do is look in their general direction, and they divert their eyes in a matter so fast, you would think they had gotten caught staring at someone's handicap. Heaven forbid they should ask if you need help. They most likely have no idea what the answer to your question is. I know...I used to work at Home Depot.

Prime example: Last summer, my husband and I were buying paint for our house. They didn't have any more of the eggshell finish on the shelf, so we asked if they could look in the back. Normally, we wouldn't have asked this, but the employee just told us that they had received a shipment the night before. So, he walks all the way to the loading dock and comes back empty handed. He says, "We have a whole pallet back there, but they're still shrink wrapped. Sorry." My husband said, "Looks like you'll have to do some digging then!" (My husband used to work on the freight team at Home Depot, as well, so he knew this was no big deal.) However, this particular employee had a hissy fit, then proceeded to the back to get our paint. Gee...thanks.

Second stop, Meijer. Day before Thanksgiving food shopping is not enjoyable. The store was packed, the shoppers were impatient (myself included), and the employees were slow (and sparse, because most of them had requested this day off 6 months ago). So I'm waiting in line to checkout (behind 6 other customers with overflowing carts), and a head cashier approaches me and says, "Our self-scan lanes are open!" I wanted to say, "Um...are you part retard or blind, because I have $200 worth of groceries in this cart, and I'm not about to try to balance them all on the 1 square foot self-scan checkout table!" Besides, those scanners are usually so nasty, it takes me a half hour to get through 12 items. Unbelievable. So I waited.

Third stop, Walmart (my favorite). I have come to a major revelation about Walmart, and that is the people watching at a Walmart is better than that at any amusement park or college campus. Seriously. No wonder they have benches up front near the checkouts. I'm convinced that's their intended use. That, and for the obese better-halves to sit on whilst their significant others roam the aisles in search of more Hamburger Helper and Little Debbies. Don't forget the 2 liters of Dr. Thunder!!!

So that's about it. I think I'm doing all my Christmas shopping online, but I'll be sure to stop in a few places to keep you all updated. Last year I witnessed a fight between a dad and a manager at Toys-r-Us...in front of the kid! Some people are so fucking classy, it amazes me that I'm allowed to walk amongst them.