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CulterPaulus

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Posts tagged with "moods"

It's nice to feeling well

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In this moment I want to start saying million of Thanks to my friends, the ones who passed by here last days and leave their words, and the other ones who had no time, or couldn't come (I'm reasonable, there are thousand of posts and blogs to read). Thanks to that words, I was driven to feel better today.

By the other hand, I must tell I'm sorry, because sometimes I'm not the one I want to be. I think this is a problem in every human being, but it causes frustration, and sometimes anger. As suddendly as weather changes, my moods changes a lot too, and even when I'm fighting that since I was 12 or 13 years old, sometimes power goes away from my hands.

But today, even when a soft rain keeps on falling over the city, and it sounds in the roof of my studio at home, I feel much better that past 3 days. I'm smiling, I'm happy the best I can. I've been with friends today (more than 40 in a meal) and they supported me a lot. But yesterday and some days ago I was with my friends of MyOpera too, and found support too, in different ways (messages, comments, etc), and I feel so proud to count with you all.

In changing states of myself, I use to break down, collapse in negativeness, sadness and want not to see anybody. But a friend told me that people like me has to do the opposite: get up when we want to lay on bed; walk outdoor when we want to stay indoors (alone), look for friends when we want not to see anybody. I found that's true.

Many of you gave a great help even being so far. Doing nothing else than "listening", giving short comments, and NOT TRYING TO MINIMIZE MY PROBLEM, even when is possible it's real a minor problem. But in the middle of that situation, it seems huge.

My friends, today I'm OK, I feel well, and wanted to tell you about this thing.

MILLIONS AND TONS OF THANK YOU'S!!!

There's a color grey

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There's a grey color that always follow me through the road
and I can't make it change to shine on me.
There's a silent mood that always gets inside my veins
to hurt so deep and never give up until left me in this state I'm in.

I have tried to take another road to avoid its presence
but it's clever than me, and finds the way to invade me again;
I have tried to paint my walls of green... but the colors fade to grey again
And I find myself lost under the rain of times... far away.

Some people looks at my eyes saying I would be able to look even far,
and reach for a way home tomorrow.
But even so, my strenght is weak, my hands are short and I'm sure I can't
take a piece of universe to hide my sorrow.

So I say I'm sorry for being like I am
I'd like to give you my best, but I can't
My life is broken tonight
and I have to go to nowhere.

Just because there's a grey color that keeps on following me through this road,
a silent mood that keeps on coming inside my veins
and I can't shake my worst things that live inside my soul
that hurt so deep as to drive me to a repeated state of myself.

Culterpaulus (4/7/2009)

Infinite

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What if I want to close my eyes, and watch nothing...
What if I want to fall deep inside of myself...
What if my life is hanging from emptyness
and my words are hidden today?

________Would you take a time for holding me?
________Would you be here to take me?

What if I watch this day in grey and grey...
what if i listen just echoes of crying...
What if I take myself to reach the infinite
of soul that is deeper than life?

________Would you understand my words then...?
________There's nothing to express in this place.

________Just fall to infinite
________and play with grey.

CulterPaulus
21/4/09
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December 2009
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