Skip navigation.

Posts tagged with "life"

Long overdue update!

, , , ...

I am now posting from the fair city of Düsseldorf, in North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany.
As planned, I started my new job here in August. The work is more or less similar to my former position in Portugal so settling in has been relatively easy.

In many ways Germany has really exceeded my expectations! Like I told my mother once, a couple of weeks after I had arrived here, the weather is bad, the coffee is worse but the rest is all great!!!

Düsseldorf is a lovely city and having the Rhein close by makes me feel closer to home. I have always lived near the water and would miss it dearly. But here I have a lovely view of the river right out of my office window. I can even see sheep grazing across it on the green banks.

The people are also a lot warmer than I was expecting. I must admit that being from southern europe my expectations were rather low on that respect, but fortunately here they are quite used to foreigners (after all nearly 15% of the town's population is foreign). And even though English is not so widely spoken as I thought it would be, it's really easy to find someone who speaks a least one other european language aside from German. So when English is not an option I am usually still able to get by with my Spanish, Italian, French or sometimes even Portuguese, while my German skills are still... errr slowly progressing.

The hardest part, as I had expected, is obviously being away from my children and my husband. I knew that coming over would mean being away from them for at least a couple of months. The plan was that I would come over and prepare everything for them, whilst my husband searched also for a job here and they would come once he had got one. There was no way we could forsee just how long it would take us to be reunited, but we gathered our strenght and hoped for the best.


And now our efforts are just about to be rewarded. Bruno has been offered a position here, starting next November and in just under two weeks now we are going to be together again, all four of us.

My German adventure is now turning into our German adventure. Samuel is really excited, he has already come over on a visit for a weekend and is even eager to learn German and make new German friends. Julia is still a little too young to understand the concept of a foreign land or language for that matter, but just because of that I think she will even adjust faster than her brother.

There is a quote from an old Greek historian, Thucydides I believe, that states that "the secret to happiness is freedom and the secret to freedom is courage" and I find that we are living those words. In fact I cannot remember a time that I felt happier, or freer - and that I owe to one moment of brave clarity when we dared to believe that we could take on this challenge, and work to make our lifes better instead of just sit around wishing that things would miraculously start to go the way we hoped.

One thing I have learnt is that the old saying that "good things come to those who wait" is not entirely true. Waiting is a part of life, and wars are seldom won in just one battle but a truer statement would be that "good things come to those who go after them" and persevere in their goals!


[more photos here]

Powerless: God, Religion, Death and Sleep Deprivation

, ,

Powerless!

There is nothing that can get you feeling quite so utterly and completly impotent like seing someone you love ill!
You pamper them, you get them all the care you can but in end it's out of anyone's hands! Or if you're a religious person in someone else's hands, but that someone tends not be all that reponsive to your pleas sometimes.

Personally I'm not a religious person... oh well not in the stricktest of senses anyhow! I know some things are out of my hands, I know the punches will keep rolling in on me and those around me, but I care more about getting over them then finding out who's rolling them out!

I believe that love heals almost anything, and if not completely it's a very powerfull painkiller! I believe that even from 644 kms away I can send my love to my son (who is a little sick tonight) and I know that somehow, he'll know I am kissing and nursing him back to health!

But he is just a little sick, just one of those 3 day viruses, nothing serious.

Recently I've had to deal with something different, something that love could not heal, someone that has become more diffuse part of this infinity of essences we all belong to (I tend to belive that) and to her all our individual pains and cares no longer matter!

Being faced with death is also unempowering... it leaves you empty, thinking that all the love you lay upon that someone could not help her... it could never bring her back!

I try to belive that the need we have to heal, to fix things, comes from our inability to realise we were never really broken and just going through a universal process of life! I'm not saying we should not invest in medicine and related technologies! But we should think more on the nature of our humanity. On what we can gain from figuring out and accepting our own mortality. We will eventually cease to be an individual and become the whole! As Lavoiser noted, if nothing is ever lost but only changed, we shall as humans be also bound to the same rules of quemistry and physics! And we do change, we change daily! Everyday we learn, everyday we walker a little closer to the edge of indivituality, because learning is a process of interacting with others, and when we do that well we loose a little of our egos along the way!

What does it matter if there is someone watching over us? What good does it serve to believe that there is a reason a divine will behind all things that befall us? It doesn't make better sense if we think about it. I am more worried with jumping over the hurdle, than knowing who put it there and why?

Oh well... it's late and I'm not making sense anymore. I need to get some sleep. I'm going to bed now!

Four days... and counting...

, ,

:yikes:

96 hours; 5700 minutes or even 345600 seconds, if you prefer, measure the time I have left before I go back to being a single entity!

Everything's just gone by so fast and smoothly in this pregnancy I have not yet come to grips with the fact that when this is done (and the end is nigh, as they say) I will have another baby in my family and have to deal with all the new feelings, added work and time juggling that that entails.

I have opted to take the punches as they roll in, calmly and trust in my better judgment to make it work as best I can.

I am actually so physically tired today:ko: (Sam was hyper wired today) I can't type anymore, enough said...

G'night folks!

:faint:


Too lazy and tired to engage in the usual pre-birth "nesting" activities

,

First things first, let me tell you I am huge p: !
37 weeks along and I can no longer see my toes when I am standing up straight!

Standing straight and looking down :o: Oh there they are! :wink:

Today I left Sam at my Mother's so I could be free to do some final adjusments to the nursery, do the laundry and tidy up a bit!

I managed to get up at half past noon. Still a little sleepy I thought I'd start with the "heavy" work and proceeded to undertake the task of bringing the mattress on the baby's bed to the higher-up position, because it was down at floor level since Sam learnt to stand-up on his own. The bed is compact pine wood and truly heavy - this is clearly one of the things you should not attempt in your final weeks of pregnancy and I had no good reason to, except the fact that I wanted it done today and Bruno's at work. Regardless, I did do it and managed not to get hurt.

Before Now

I also neatly folded the clothes I had hung out to dry yesterday, and put the cover I had washed back on the baby rocker, but I find myself too lazy to start another load of laundry, or tidy up the living room... oh well, I'll just take a shower and go outside have some fresh air wake me up a bit and hope tomorrow I have more energy!

Katie Melua and Monty Python

,

Or just how my twisted mind works... :wink:

I am easing my way back into "work mode" by listening to music, and have been for the last half hour listening to Katie Melua's Piece by Piece. Suddenly I found myself thinking about the similaries between these two songs...




"Nine Million Bicycles"

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact,
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die.

We are twelve billion light years from the edge,
That's a guess,
No-one can ever say it's true
But I know that I will always be with you.

I'm warmed by the fire of your love everyday
So don't call me a liar,
Just believe everything that I say

There are six BILLION people in the world
More or less
and it makes me feel quite small
But you're the one I love the most of all

We're high on the wire
With the world in our sight
And I'll never tire,
Of the love that you give me every night

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a Fact,
it's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die

And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing
And you know that I will love you till I die!

Katie Melua

"Galaxy Song"

Spoken: Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough,
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
And you feel that you've had quite enough...

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."

Monty Python

I really need to go catch some Zs, I can no longer operate within the boundaries of reason, clearly!:ko:

Grateful!

,

I found this sometime after I had discovered I was pregnant with Samuel. Somewhere, someone had thanks to offer, as had I. I kept in in a note I quickly jotted down on paper and stowed it away in my wallet, I am this thankful once more, this note deserves a bigger wallet!

"The kind fates have blessed my home
The kind fates have blessed my heart
The kind fates have blessed my loved ones

I offer thanks with a humble heart
I thank the Goddess for my life
I thank the Goddess for my love
I thank the Goddess for continued blessings already on their way"

At a time when I could find nothing solid to hold on to and hope that I might one day become a mother, I found myself looking at an old tree outside my living room window, growing next to the school yard right across the street from where I live, and took some confort in the thought that I was akin to that tree, that we shared the same Sun and would grow, flourish, be fruitful and eventually wither under it.

And I looked on Nature as a mother and knew that as a part of her I was already a mother too... I cannot say that I prayed exactly I am not a religious person, but whatever silent prayer I uttered then, a few months later had been answered and I was carrying Samuel!

Not two years after, I am bringing someone new to meet the same Sun and walk under the tall and shady trees around our home.

The great old tree next to the school yard is gone now, cut down after a hard winter wind had almost brought it to the ground.

No longer safe a haven for children to play under, it was replaced by a new, younger tree. A sapling with thin and almost leafless branches that hopefully rise towards the summer Sun and ask it to lend its warmth and light to help it grow, flourish and be fruitfull, with a silent wordless prayer, as I once did!

For Bruno...

, ,

(written a while ago before Sam was born and we were both getting weary of the hard and tortuous road we travelled to parenthood, somehow while I was losing hope he was keeping it for the both of us!)

Your eyes tell the story
Of a thousand years,
Singing the songs that I dream,
I have read the book of my soul
Through the window in them
Written in laughter and tears.

Let me hold my dreams in your hands,
While you sing my joy with your breath,
And with words my soul understands
Softly quell the fears I have left!

Quote of the day!

, ,

The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.


Robert Frost
I do so wish I was more of the latter kind! Then I wouldn't be so :ko: all the time!
Today I nearly :faint: on my way to the bathroom at work!
I really need to catch some :zzz: Lately I seem to be walking around like a zombie rip

The Obvious Child

, ,

I'm accustomed to a smooth ride
Or maybe I'm a dog who's lost its bite
I don't expect to be treated like a fool no more
I don't expect to sleep through the night
Some people say a lie's a lie's a lie
But I say why
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

And in remembering a road sign
I am remembering a girl when I was young
And we said These songs are true
These days are ours
These tears are free
And hey
The cross is in the ballpark
The cross is in the ballpark

We had a lot of fun
We had a lot of money
We had a little son and we thought we'd call him Sonny
Sonny gets married and moves away
Sonny has a baby and bills to pay
Sonny gets sunnier
Day by day by day by day

I've been waking up at sunrise
I've been following the light across my room
I watch the night receive the room of my day
Some people say the sky is just the sky
But I say
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

Sonny sits by his window and thinks to himself
How it's strange that some rooms are like cages
Sonny's yearbook from high school
Is down from the shelf
And he idly thumbs through the pages
Some have died
Some have fled from themselves
Or struggled from here to get there
Sonny wanders beyond his interior walls
Runs his hand through his thinning brown hair

Paul Simon


And the part the rang the truest today was "I don't expect to sleep through the night"... and I didn't!
Sam was a little feverish, he is toothing maddly (5 or 6 little buggers popping up at the same time).
And I'm just so tired I put on my headphones and listened to my music loud enough to keep myself awake through the last part of day!

I thought I'd look through some old photos...

, , ,

... well maybe not so old!

After all it's not been two years since we bought the digital camera! Anyway I've been planning to go through the 2 or 3 GB worth of pics we have on our desktop at home and figure out which ones I might like to have printed out!

Anyway, I came across this one, that I definetly believe to be the cutest ever photo of Sam, and this is not an easy choice!

Not two months old at the time this was taken, he has such an utterly happy and peaceful look on his face. Looking at him (even this day) after I put him to bed is a sure way to get my mind off all the drudgery, all the stress and all the big and little things that bug me during the day. It's so easy to share in his peace!

Just thought I'd share this with everyone, I know it works best for me because I'm his mom, but hey maybe it can put a smile on your face too!

Here's hoping!:happy:
December 2009
S M T W T F S
November 2009January 2010
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31